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你的伴侶低EQ
Signs That Your Partner Lacks Emotional Intelligence
psychologytoday
People with high emotional intelligence, or "EQ," tend to make better relationship partners. Does your partner have high EQ? Consider these 12 signs that someone lacks emotional intelligence:
1. Unable to control their emotions.
Emotionally intelligent people are able to regulate and control their emotions. If your partner is prone to lashing out in anger—or gets over-the-top giddy for no reason—he or she likely lacks this core element of EQ.
2. Clueless about your feelings.
The ability to read others’ nonverbal emotional cues, such as facial expressions, is a critical component of EQ. If your partner can’t read your obvious displeasure, or thinks that your happiness is really contempt, there will be problems making emotional connections.
3. Can’t maintain friendships.
High-EQ individuals have strong networks of friends and acquaintances. If your partner is unable to make or maintain good relationships with friends and colleagues, this is an indicator of low EQ.
4. Always has a “poker face.”
While reading others’ emotions is important for EQ, so is the ability to express your own. If you can never tell how or what your partner is really feeling (especially if you are generally good at reading others’ emotions), it’s likely that your partner is missing this key element of emotional intelligence.
5. Is emotionally inappropriate.
Making jokes at a funeral; getting angry over nothing; not realizing that he/she is angering someone—these are signs that your partner doesn’t understand the social workings of emotions and emotional expression, which is another important aspect of EQ.
6. Can’t cope with sadness.
An inability to manage others’ emotions indicates a lack of emotional intelligence. Low-EQ individuals have particular difficulty in reacting to others’ negative emotions.
7. Can’t really be sympathetic.
Empathy and sympathy involve recognizing others' emotional states and reflecting back appropriate emotional concern. This is a complex skill that suggests high levels of emotional intelligence.
大方慷慨有助感情
True Generosity: Key to a Lasting Relationship
psychologytoday. Dr. Joe Nowinski
How to Spot a Truly Generous Man
True generosity has nothing to do with being flamboyant or extravagant, qualities that are usually intended to impress. Nor does true generosity mean giving with an expectation of getting something in return. In these hard times -- as well as the ones that may lie ahead --qualities such as generosity can be more important than anything else in making a relationship work.
In assessing a man's capacity to be generous, you need to look at his ability to be generous not only with you, but also with others he truly loves, such as his children, family, and even friends. The truly generous individual tends to bestow his generosity broadly. This does not mean that he is a spendthrift or an extravagant spender. Rather, the generous man gives within his means and does not limit his generosity to material things. He will be capable of being generous with his time and attention, for example. He may be willing to help you out in a time of need. His primary motivation is the sheer joy or comfort that generosity instills in those who are on its receiving end. This is very different from the kind of pseudo-generosity that is motivated by a desire to impress, but that otherwise seems out of character.
The Generous Personality
Generosity is a multifaceted personality trait. Here is a list of those qualities that define the truly generous individual.
Believes What's Mine Is Yours
The truly generous individual tends not to be highly possessive. He is willing to share what he has. That's not to say he gives away everything he owns. However, he does not hoard the things he owns.
• Demonstrates Altruism
Another mark of the generous man is that he cares about the welfare of others -- both those he loves and people in general. In contrast to the narcissist, life for the generous man is not just about him. He may contribute money or time to charities, he may be a mentor to others who are in need of guidance, or he may "adopt" a needy child from another country, a child he will never meet but whose life he will touch.
• Gives to Give, Doesn't Give to Get
In one form of "pseudo-generosity," a man buys you a gift that he would really like. For example, he buys you a flat-screen television for your birthday, when you know very well that he wants it for himself. Or there's the old joke about the man who buys his wife a convertible sports car: "Once it's in the driveway," the joke goes, "it's yours as much as it's hers." A variation of giving-to-get is Conrad: the man who tells you that he's getting you something and then basically comes out and tells you what he expects you to buy him in return. The generous person will buy you something he knows you will like, with no thought about whether it will benefit him as well, and with no expectation that you will respond in kind.
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