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How to Respond Gracefully to Destructive Criticism
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If you’re someone who grapples with a harsh internal critic, you know how powerful that force can be. The good news is that with a bit of introspection and hard work, it is possible to change that voice, or at least learn to live peacefully with it.
But just as essential as taming your internal voice is protecting yourself from the potential harm of external critics. Being surrounded by those who don’t support you or often put you down can exacerbate your already punishing self-talk.
1. Sort the constructive from the destructive.
Critics come in many forms. Some are easier to recognize than others, and not all are the egregious sort. Constructive criticism is healthy and, in many situations, necessary. If we don’t know what our weaknesses are, how will we ever grow or change? There is a difference, however, between constructive criticism meant to help (such as from protective loved ones) and unsolicited, negative criticism meant to hurt. Learning to decipher the two is key.
Unfortunately, today’s digital landscape has become an ideal platform for one cohort of critics—Internet trolls. These thorns in the side of humanity are prone to anonymity, likely out of a shameful awareness that their hurtful remarks are simply a reflection of their own lack of self-compassion. And whether your criticism comes from a troll or an acquaintance, keeping this factor in mind is essential.
And then there are the other, less anonymous critics, like those who smile to your face and then tear you down behind your back, or those who undermine you directly under the guise of “constructive criticism” or “just trying to help.” One clue that this is happening is if a comment is preceded by “No offense,” or “Not to rain on your parade, but....” When you hear these words, you can feel sure that your parade is about to be rained on.
2. Take a break from media—social and otherwise.
Whether it’s a fair-weather friend or the media trying to convince you that you’re not good enough, there will never be a shortage of critics to challenge your sense of worth.
“Low self-worth stems from multiple ecological causes,” says Dr. Anjhula Mya Bais. “A very critical upbringing coupled with a consumerist society that is built on destroying self-worth only to build it back through material goods are factors why individuals feel the way they do.”
It’s not hard to think of examples, from the onslaught of television ads telling us we’re not thin enough, pretty enough, or simply just not enough, to Eurocentric beauty standards represented in all forms of media. Bais suggests making room for open dialogue. “Unpacking these various levels and discussing and describing them thoughtfully,” she says, “goes some way in beginning to sow the seeds for change.”
與屍體 共慶清明節!
Indonesian Villagers Dig Up Their Ancestors and Dress Them to Show 'Love and Respect' - IndoSurfLife.com
Charlotte Mortlock For Daily Mail Australia
Every three years, the tribe from Sulawesi island exhume their dead, who they wash and dress in fresh clothes and then pose for family photographs in a festival known as Ma’nene.
The ritual, which translates as ‘The Ceremony of Cleaning Corpses,’ has been going for more than a century.
One of the most important events in the lives of the Torajan people, an ethnic group indigenous to the mountainous region of Tana Toraja, is the funeral.
Most save money their entire lives so they can have a respectable burial for themselves or family members.
In some cases the deceased’s funeral is held several weeks or even years after their death so the family have can have time to save up and pay for an extravagant funeral.
But the funeral is never the last time their relative’s body is seen. Whenever an elderly villager dies, their body is wrapped in several layers of cloth to prevent decay.
Then, they are dug up every three years, admired by loved ones and dressed in different clothing.
The Torajan people live high in the mountains of Sulawesi in Indonesia. The area is so remote that many of the villages were completely autonomous until the 1970s, when the area was exposed to the outside world by Dutch missionaries.
The villagers are encouraged to marry within their family – but only beyond the fourth cousin.
In the Torajan belief system, death is not a final step, but just one step in an ongoing spiritual life.
The funeral is a pivotal point of transition, and some funerals will last up to a week with elaborate celebrations.
Torajan people believe the spirit of a dead person should always return to their village of origin, a belief which has deterred many from ever leaving their home in case they die while on the journey and their body cannot be returned.
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