周二(6/11)1.網路怪咖 2.失去冷靜時

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網路怪咖

Key Types of Weirdos There Are On The Internet

thoughtcatalog

Modern social media provides two significant opportunities provided to teens and twenty-somethings: One, to invent one’s own identity/methods of personal representation [sometimes post-ironically referred to as ‘personal brand’] and two, to garner followings, ‘micro-fame’ or other forms of instant gratification-oriented attention through strategic but not especially intense effort.

Given that there are millions of young people at a time attempting to create identities and social infrastructures for themselves, generally these constructs tend to cling together, influence one another and form generally-identifiable ‘types,’ as is expected in any mass social environment. Some of these types are less comprehensible than others.

For example, it is fairly reasonable and expected that young people interested in fashion/fashion design would form a community related to their fashion-oriented Tumblr/Lookbook pages and generally engage in behavior that engenders participation in their community, e.g. sharing or ‘hyping’ one another’s “looks,” contacting individuals with similar tastes/interests or even engaging in certain breeds of gossip and/or competitive behaviors. Or that people with aspirations to become music bloggers would generally socialize amongst themselves, create sets of norms or palate commonalities that would enable them to ‘cross-promote’ one another or develop a beneficial network of new music writers.

Other types are less immediately understandable; for the purposes of this discussion they should be considered “weird,” and only for the purposes of this discussion. It is anticipated that many readers of this discussion will presume to be meta, clever or for some reason affronted by the blanket categorization of a group that does not include them and feel inclined to comment on this article something to the effect of “people who write internet articles about how others on the internet are ‘weird’ are weird;” there is no need for you to do this. Just chill.

Every so often you will receive a Facebook friend request from someone you do not know, except they have approximately 10-20 of your somewhat related friends in common as ‘mutuals’ [example: Individual is friends with Tao Lin, Muumuu House, Bebe Zeva, Ryan O’Connell, Brandon Scott Gorrell, Luna Miguel, Megan Boyle, Marie Calloway, Zac Zellers, Noah Cicero and Blake Butler). You may assume that this person is a friend of all these people you know and accept the request.

It should be noted that in the ‘weirdo’ context, individual is differentiated from “Facebook user who is merely interested in/wishes to share in the culture in which the mutual friends of yours participate.” In the ‘weirdo’ context, the individual has selected a name for him/herself that is not actually their name, may have a Facebook profile picture that is probably some kind of icon/mandala, and has posted only enough personal details for you to be aware that the individual lives far away from you, has strange or possibly aggressive ‘likes’ or interests listed on his/her profile, and is otherwise probably not compatible with you as a person nor is likely to actually be friends with any of your friends.

 

失去冷靜時

What To Do When You Lose Your Composure | CMOE

Anyone can lose their temper at work. It is a mistake that almost everyone makes more than once. When you are the leader of a team, the consequences of a lapse in composure are much more serious.

Not too long ago I was witness to a leader, who I respect, losing his composure in a meeting with his team.  Frankly speaking, it was a real mess.

The meeting started off fine but he became more and more irritated and then quite emotional and intense as he expressed his disappointment in the team.

Some team members tried to argue back, which only made it worse.  It was an extremely uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.  It was a classic case of a team leader losing his temper and not controlling his emotional reactions.

The team felt defeated and it was painfully obvious in their demeanor and body language.  I felt like saying, “Morale cleanup on Aisle 5.”

As I reflected on the situation, I believe that the leader was under a lot of pressure that day, not to mention the team was in fact falling short in some key areas.

In his heart, I know that he cares deeply about his team members, but the frustration got the best of him that day. His disappointment was certainly warranted, but the way he handled the situation really took a toll on the team’s morale.

You may know the feeling—you actions and behaviors get hijacked by your emotions.  So what do you do to resolve the situation, restore morale, and build up trust again?  Well it isn’t easy and it takes time, but there are a few things you can do to get the cleanup process started:

    Let yourself “cool off” and reflect on what you said and did.  Make sense of the situation so you can objectively find a solution.

    As soon as possible, deal with the situation and take responsibility for your actions.  This will help people see that you are being proactive rather than reactive.  You definitely don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen or take a “wait and see” approach.

    Verbally acknowledge that you allowed your emotions to get the best of you and provide a genuine apology.  You don’t necessarily have to apologize for your perspective or feelings about the issue, but you should take responsibility for how you handled it.

    Avoid making excuses or placing blame.  While you may have what you think are legitimate excuses, others will likely feel like you are not being sincere.

    Depending on the situation, you may have to allow others to express their thoughts and feelings or you may need to meet with individual team members to help repair the relationship.

    Avoid getting frustrated with those who feel offended, defeated, or put off.  Let them work through their own emotions about your behavior.

    Work hard to rebuild morale and your credibility and remember that it may take longer than you would like for the situation to be fully resolved.

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周六(6/8)1.從屈原談自殺! 2.繡球花季 PM 7:00-9:00

星期六 聚會時間 晚上7:00-9:00

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從屈原談自殺!

Qu Yuan During his many years of exile, Qu grew increasingly depressed, he could no longer stand the emotional despair and decided to end it all. He picked up a rock, waded into the Miluo River, and committed suicide.

人間挫折處處 煩惱困難時時

今日端午節 從屈原談自殺!

 來談談 自殺是出路嗎?

Why does suicide seem like a solution to your problem(s)?

Gulf Bend MHMR Center

Natalie Staats Reiss, Ph.D., and Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.

You may not be aware (or you may be forgetting) that there are other means you might bring to bear in solving your problems and coping with your stressors. Examples of coping mechanisms you might not be taking full advantage of include but are not limited to: psychotherapy, medication, various forms of social, occupational and educational assistance, and the support of other people who get where you are coming from.

You may be confusing thoughts that feel true for thoughts which are true. There is a difference! Just because you feel hopeless doesn't mean that life and your situation are truly hopeless. In most cases, a variety of thinking errors (called cognitive biases) conspire to make situations seem more dire than they really are.

You may be assuming that your current feelings and situation will never change for the better. This is not likely. Suicidal feelings and thoughts tend to decrease over time. Suicidal feelings are NOT a permanent state in most cases. Your mental state will change with time, your pursuit of treatment, and your active efforts to alter the things in the environment that are bothering you. It is very likely that if you kill yourself, you will have confused the temporary for the permanent.

You may not be thinking about the other people you will harm. Suicide will affect your entire family as well as your close friends. All of the people who are close to you will be very wounded by your death, and the ones who care about you the most, or need you the most, will be the most affected. If there is even one person in your family (or one friend, even) that you care about, your suicide will carve a permanent hole into that person's heart that will never quite successfully heal. Life will go on, of course, but living with a permanent grief is never a good state of affairs.

You may be thinking that this is an effective way to punish or communicate pain to people who have previously hurt you. You may be thinking "I will show them all", that you'll prove something, or get someone to listen to you or take you seriously. Your decision to commit suicide won't prove anything. Plus, if you're gone, how people react to you or think about you doesn't matter anyway. There is nothing you can do, ultimately, to force other people to change, or to care about you. However, you can change your responses and reactions to them. Also, if you can learn to care about yourself, you will find that various people notice that, and will start to care about you. It's not a paradox, but it may seem like one at first.

Are you the only person that feels this way?

Absolutely not!!! You're in good company, in fact. Estimates suggest that approximately 800,000 people commit suicide per year. This number most probably underestimates the true magnitude of the issue, but there is no way to tell for sure.

We don't present this number in order to lead you to think that suicide is the best way to handle your situation. Just to show you that a lot of people come to see suicide as attractive in any given year. Use this statistic to remind yourself that you are not alone, and that mental health professionals have tons of experience helping people who have been through experiences that are similar to what you are going through now

繡球花季

Hydrangeas in bloom in Taipei's Yangmingshan National Park (By Central News Agency)

TAIPEI (Taiwan News) — As the calla lily season comes to an end, different colors of hydrangeas are now in full bloom in Taipei's Yangmingshan National Park, becoming a famous tourist spot in northern Taiwan during the long weekend.

The Department of Economic Development (DED) of the Taipei City Government has joined hands with Beitou Farmers' Association in presenting a half-day hydrangea tour. Visitors are welcome to explore the ecological and humanistic development of Bamboo Lake (竹子湖) at Yangmingshan. For more information, please visit the Beitou Farmers' Association website.

Yangmingshan Hydrangea Garden

The flower garden of Hydrangea that located in Yangmingshan National Park, northern part of Taiwan, is now open to public around May until July every year. For the ones who love taking portrait photos, this place may suit you better. Location of the garden is on a hill of this mountain and it takes some time when you drive from Taipei city. For international visitors or the ones without vehicle, there are also some other options by public transportation so don’t worry then, but you might have to walk around from one to another tourist spot by foot.

It was quite rainy that day, when my friend and I visited to the place. Lucky there wasn’t any fog at all, just a shower rain. Because of the rainy day the garden was quite muddy, so I will be better not wearing white shoes during the day. With the light condition on that day, the photos that we took were spectacular with the ambient light in such environment. The hydrangea garden is not that wide, but the flower is really all over the place with different colors; such as violet, light blue, white, and many others. The flowers are planted in some flat surface and incline surface on the hill, so this might look like you take a picture with a wall of hydrangea flowers wallpaper. However, as a reminder, during the weekend this place might be full of visitors, so you have to patiently wait in line to take a picture at some great spot. For some additional to your photo shoot property, you can also buy the hydrangea for 100NT dollars to go with you.

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週四(6/11)1.外遇的理由! 2.常勝者的策略?今晚7:30 開始

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讀書會 需要您出席支持

外遇的理由!

Reasons Why Married People Cheat

By Sheri Stritof | verywellmind

There are many reasons why married people cheat. Upwards of 40 percent of married couples are impacted by infidelity, and despite the high percentage, most people—even those who stray—will say that cheating is wrong. Risk factors such as personality disorders and childhood issues, as well as opportunities such as social media and poor boundaries, can increase the chance that one of these reasons will actually lead to some type of affair.

Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger—the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail. Maybe she had second thoughts about getting married or he was jealous over the attention given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings. Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage—neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated—that interferes with his or her ability to maintain a committed relationship. Less often, the cheater doesn't value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn't care about the consequences.

Risk Factors with the Relationship

Problems in the marital relationship can also be a risk factor for cheating. Some of these include:

    Lack of communication

    Emotional and/or physical disconnect

    Low compatibility (people who married for the wrong reasons): Low compatibility can lead to a sense of "buyer's remorse"

    Domestic violence and emotional abuse

    Financial pressures

    Lack of respect

Reasons for Cheating

With or without individual or marital risk factors there are a number of possible reasons for marital infidelity. Underlying many of the reasons, however, lie a few threads. One is the role of unmet needs. One partner may be incapable of fulfilling their partner's needs, but far too often, those needs have not been expressed. Marital partners are not mind readers. Another is the lack of addressing problems directly.

Running away from problems (conflict avoidance) rather than staying and addressing them is another crucial element in communication and commitment in marriage.

Some of the reasons cited as the cause for cheating include:

Unhappiness/Dissatisfaction: Dissatisfaction with the marriage either emotionally or sexually is common. Marriage is work, and without mutual nurturing couples may grow apart. A sexless marriage is often claimed as a reason by both men and women.

Feeling Unappreciated: Feeling unvalued or neglected can lead to infidelity in both sexes, but is more common in women. When both partners work, women still often carry the brunt of the work when it comes to caring for the home and children. In this situation, the affair validates the person's sense of worthiness. On the flip side of this, however, is that feeling neglected may be related to unrealistic expectations of a partner rather than true neglect.

Lack of Commitment: Everything else aside, a 2018 study found that people who are less committed to their relationship are more likely to cheat.

Boredom: As noted, boredom can lead to an affair in both men and women who are looking for the thrill of the chase and the excitement and passion associated with newfound love. Some people claim that, rather than looking for a substitute for their partner, their fling is a way to spice up their marriage. Falling out of love is also frequently cited as a reason for cheating, but maybe a lack of understanding of the normal maturing of love in marriage.

常勝者的策略?

The Most Effective Strategies for Success         Heidi Grant  hbr.org

For years, I’ve been trying to convince people that success is not about who you are, but about what you do.

Roughly two years ago, I wrote about the “Nine Things Successful People Do Differently,” which became HBR’s most-read piece of content over that time span. It was a list of strategies, based on decades of scientific research, proven effective for setting and reaching challenging goals. I later expanded that post into a short e-book, explaining how you can make each one a habit. But how would readers know if they were doing enough of each “Thing”? (After all, we’re terrible judges of ourselves.) To help answer that question, last spring I created something I called the Nine Things Diagnostics — it’s a free, online set of questionnaires designed to measure your own use of each of the nine things in pursuit of your personal and professional goals.

I now have responses from over 30,000 people who’ve logged on and completed one or more of the Nine Things Diagnostics. The results are fascinating, and a bit surprising even to me. First, each of the Nine Things had a significant impact on success. (That actually didn’t surprise me, for obvious reasons.).

But which packed the biggest punch? To find out, I recently took a look at the responses of about 7,000 people who had completed every Nine Things Diagnostic, along with a brief measure of how successful they felt they had been in reaching their own goals in the past.

In order of effect magnitude, the most impactful strategies were:

    Have Grit — Persistence over the long haul is key

    Know Exactly How Far You Have Left to Go — Monitor your progress

    Get Specific — Have a crystal-clear idea of exactly what success will look like

    Seize the Moment to Act on Your Goals — Know in advance what you will do, and when and where you will do it

    Focus on What You Will Do, Not What You Won’t Do — Instead of focusing on bad habits, it’s more effective to replace them with better ones.

    Build your Willpower Muscle — If you don’t have enough willpower, you can get more using it.

    Focus on Getting Better, Rather than Being Good — Think about your goals as opportunities to improve, rather than to prove yourself

    Be a Realistic Optimist — Visualize how you will make success happen by overcoming obstacles

    Don’t Tempt Fate — No one has willpower all the time, so don’t push your luck

Notice how persistence is at the very top of the list? While we marvel at people who’ve shown incredible perseverance — Earnest Shackleton, Nelson Mandela, Susan B. Anthony — I wonder how many people have ever thought to blame their own failures on “not hanging in there long enough”? In my experience, very few. Instead, we assume we lack the ability to succeed. We decide that we don’t have what it takes — whatever that is — to meet the challenge. And we really couldn’t be more wrong. Grit is not an innate gift. Persisting is something we learn to do, when (and if) we realize how well it pays off.

Or take “knowing how far you have left to go.” Even someone with a healthy amount of grit will probably find his or her motivation flagging if they don’t have a clear sense of where they are now and where they want to end up. How much weight would a contestant on The Biggest Loser lose if he only weighed himself at the beginning and the end, instead of once a week? How well would an Olympic-level athlete perform if she only timed her official races, and never her practices? We can see how essential monitoring is for others’ performance, and yet somehow miss its importance for our own.

But does that mean that the items further down the list aren’t as important? Not quite. For instance, #7, “focusing on getting better, rather than being good,” actually predicted using each of the other eight things! People who focused on “being good,” on the other hand, were less likely to use the other tactics on the list. In fact, if you do a lot of “be good” thinking, you are less likely to be gritty or have willpower, and you are more likely to tempt fate. You’re also, not surprisingly, less likely to reach your goals.

Perhaps the most remarkable finding, however, was the extent to which people weren’t using these tactics.

Respondents answered each of the diagnostic questions on 1-5 scale, with 1 being “not at all true of me,” 3 being “somewhat true of me,” and 5 being “very true of me.”

If your average score for a particular tactic falls between Not at all and Somewhat, then you really aren’t doing what you need to do to be effective. Here’s how the percentages break down:

most-popular-success-strat (1).jpg

So about 40 percent of responders aren’t being realistically optimistic, or focusing on what they will do, rather than what they won’t. And 50 percent of responders aren’t being specific, seizing the moment, monitoring progress, having grit, and having willpower. An astonishing 70+ percent of respondents also don’t bother avoiding tempting fate. (Apparently, people just love to put themselves in harm’s way.)

be-good-get-better (1).jpgHere’s some good news: an incredible 90 percent of responders report pursuing at least some of their goals with Get Better mindsets. But here’s the Bad News: 80 percent of responders are also pursuing goals with Be Good mindsets. So there’s still way too much I-have-to-prove-myself thinking going on out there, and it’s sabotaging our success.

If you have a few spare minutes, I encourage you to take the Nine Things Diagnostics yourself, assuming you haven’t already. It’s a quick yet powerful way to target your weaknesses (and learn about your strengths). Remember, improvement is only possible when you know where you’re going wrong, and what you can do about it.

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周二(6/4)1.充實人生 2.浪漫愛情故事存在嗎?

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充實人生

Ways To Live A Full Life (And Leave Nothing On The Table) 

Ryan Holiday

Do Ridiculous Things

Some of the best decisions of my life came out of total irresponsibility and whim. My wife and I got a dog because I was reading a book about how Pope Leo X had a pet elephant named Hanno. That’d be a funny name for a dog, I thought. A week later, we had a miniature dachshund puppy. One of the best things I ever did. Our dog is now ten years old. There’s no story behind how we got our first goat except that we asked ourselves: Why not? So we got a goat and had Smitty’s BBQ on the way home and called it a day.

“The Right Time is Right Now.”

This is Casey Neistat’s line. It’s great. When I moved to a farm, do you know how many people I heard from telling me they’ve always wanted to do that? Let me tell you, it wasn’t a tough vetting process. It’s not like getting into Harvard. If you think you want to do it, do it.

Get Married. Be in a Long Term Relationship.

People say they want to end up with someone, they say they want to get married someday, and then what do they do? Everything but what makes that possible. Pick a person and be in a relationship already. It’s the best thing you will ever do. It’s a lot of work. It will be painful and tough at times. But it is better than the affluenza of Tinder. I’m not saying settle, but I am saying that relationships are great because you make them great, not because you search until you magically find one that’s already perfect. And enough with this polyamory nonsense. Maybe it makes .01% of the population happier, but the fact that they need to sell everyone on it so much makes me think it’s probably not working for them either. Neil Strauss wrote a wonderful book about this, don’t waste a decade of your life being an idiot.

 Exercise Every Single Day

Don’t let yourself get to the point where you feel like some day in the future you’d like to lose weight or be in shape. Be in shape. Make exercise part of your job, part of your duties as a human being. Let endorphins be something you give yourself every day.

Don’t Compare Yourself To Other People

Caesar famously wept at the feet of a statue of Alexander the Great. “Do you not think it is matter for sorrow that while Alexander, at my age, was already king of so many peoples, I have as yet achieved no brilliant success?” he said. Um, you were both fucking terrible. And now you’re both gone. Who cares whether so-and-so did this or that earlier than you? Who cares that so-and-so had more?

 Be Responsible

I have a life insurance policy. I have money saved. If something happens to me, people I care about will be taken care of. The Avocado Toast guy was right. A lot of people are spending money on shit they can’t afford and then they want to blame other people for it.

浪漫愛情故事存在嗎?

Are Romantic Movies Really Ideal Love Stories? 
Features By Kevin Carr

         

Everyone enjoys a good love story, don’t they?

They may not be the highest-grossing movies of all time (if James Cameron isn’t directing, that is), but romantic movies can elicit some strong emotional responses when done right. Watching passion overcome adversity, seeing two people connect on a profound level, witnessing a giant ship sinking in icy waters. The heartstrings tremble, they also seem to set up impossible romantic ideals for us mere mortals to live up to.

With the potential relationship pitfalls that come from movie expectations, I got to thinking… are romantic movies really the best love stories?

The Answer: Not at all. Most are actually pretty messed up.

Romantic dramas are a different story. If you want to keep a relationship going, don’t plan your relationship like one of these movies. The consequences can be quite dire.

It’s not surprising to learn that cheating is a bad thing for relationships. Unfortunately, it also appears to be standard human behavior. More than half of men and women admit to being unfaithful in at least one relationship. When infidelity happens in a marriage, it results in divorce about one-third of the time. So while these figures show that people can be forgiving, cheating happens. A lot. However, they still happen in love stories more than in real life.

Most of the time, the lovers don’t end up together

Once again referring to the top 20 grossing romance dramas, the lovers don’t even end up together by the end of the film. The couples figuratively ride off into the sunset in only six of these movies (Pearl Harbor, Jerry Maguire, The Vow, Indecent Proposal, Dear John, and Safe Haven). In An Officer and a Gentleman, the characters literally walk off into the sunset, which must count for something.

The Notebook is a slightly different story, considering the lovers don’t actually end up together until after the story is told. And even then, she can’t remember a damn thing about him in the end, anyway. How’s that for irony? Nicholas Sparks, you devil!

That leaves 12 of these movies – amounting to 60% – in which the lovers’ time together is limited in some way. And just because this list is for films made since 1980 doesn’t mean the trend started there. Some of the best-known historical romances feature the main characters going their separate ways. From Gone with the Wind in which Rhett Butler doesn’t give a damn to Casablanca (which again features some infidelity) in which Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) leaves Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and Renault (Claude Rains) to live happily ever after together.

In fact, romantic dramas don’t just make a point to split characters up. They keep them apart through much of the movie, as you’ll see in the wildly popular Doctor Zhivago, as well as the more recent Top 20 films like Cold Mountain and Legends of the Fall.

Questions:

Are Romantic Movies Really Ideal Love Stories

Do believe in Love movie Stories?

What kind of movies you enjoy most?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Why people Love Fairy Tales?

Why does every movie have a happy ending?

What are the reasons K-dramas so popular?

How to Find Your One True Love?

How to know if you’re in Love? 

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