板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)
新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮
左轉 聚會時間下午4:00pm--6:00pm
(本次聚會 免費茶飲/小點心提供 50元場地清潔費)
尋找知己
Finding a Confidant By: Ian Murnaghan
A common feeling experienced as a symptom of depression is loneliness and isolation. In fact you could be surrounded by people who care for you yet still feel completely isolated. You may also find you withdraw from social activities, friends and family. This type of withdrawal can, however, leave you bottling up your feelings and your depression may become more difficult to manage. Medications can only do so much, and finding a trusted person to confide in and share your struggle with can make an enormous difference in your recovery from depression.
Trust And Reliability
Finding a confidant can be difficult if you have a hard time placing trust in others. Perhaps your trust has been betrayed on numerous occasions and you have difficulty believing people are genuine. When you lose faith in others, it can be extremely challenging to learn to be vulnerable again by sharing intimate fears, hopes and issues you are facing. Lack of trust in people is a strong barrier to finding and maintaining a close relationship with a confidant. Some areas to focus on in learning to trust a confidant are:
Forgiveness: By forgiving those who have previously betrayed your trust, you allow yourself to heal and can approach your relationship with a confidant without the 'baggage' of previous betrayals.
Openness: By risking yourself a little and being vulnerable, you can share more of yourself with a confidant, and this can deepen the relationship.
Be trustworthy yourself:Having confidence and faith in your own trustworthiness can make it easier to extend that emotion to other people.
If you have been let down by people, you might find it frightening to rely on a confidant to 'be there' for you. You may find it easier to trust someone who is consistently reliable because you will not doubt that they will continually offer support. Those people who have show consistence in their offerings of support may be ideal persons to take on as a confidant.
Friends and Family Members
The ability to confide in someone tends to come when you feel close and comfortable with that person. Finding a confident may involve going outside of your current familial and social circle and meeting new people who you can develop deep friendships with, or it may involve strengthening current relationships. If you have a particular friend or family member who you are thinking to confide in, you may want to develop the relationship by spending more time together socially. One-on-one interactions can be more comfortable and because the focus is narrower, you have a better chance of learning more about that person and deepening the relationship. This can open the door to confiding the less superficial parts of yourself.
Self Help Groups
If you feel that you don't have anyone in your life at present who could be a confidant, you might find that self-help groups for depression are a way to meet new people. Such people are likely to have an understanding and empathy for your depression, having struggled with similar experiences themselves, and may be willing to offer individual support as a confidant. Alternately, you may be able to offer the same level of support for that person's personal challenges and issues.
Counsellor
Some may view a confidant in terms of a close friendship but a confidant can be anyone who you are able to trust with intimate details of your life. It is someone who you can confide in; for many people suffering from depression, a counsellor is just that person. The difference here is that depending on the type of counsellor you choose, he or she may also be providing techniques and suggestions for how to handle your depression. If you are only looking for someone to 'unload' with and share your feelings, without the input, you may wish to find a counsellor who is not solution focused.
Meeting People
If a challenge for you in finding a confidant is meeting people and developing friendships, you may wish to try new activities where you can extend your social circle. Some of the ways you can try meeting new people are:
Volunteer work: This can introduce you to many different people, sparking friendships with people you may wish to confide in. It can also provide many other benefits, such as increased self-esteem and the warm feeling that comes with providing services to those who need it.
Sports: You may want to join a local sports team, which will allow you to reap the benefits of exercise while making new friends.
Public interest groups: Local community centres tend to have bulletins for various groups and get-togethers involving people who share common interests. You may find a group for areas such as writing, cooking or hiking. You can meet new people and may then develop close friendships.
Finding a confidant may mean strengthening current relationships or seeking out new friends and developing those friendships. If there is a great deal of trust involved, you will likely have an easier time sharing the feelings surrounding your depression. By talking with a confidant about your depression, you can release some of the negative and stressful emotions that are holding you down, and can successfully move forward in your recovery.
當心靈空巢時
How to Stop Feeling Empty wiki
Do you wake up in the morning feeling like there's no good reason to get up and face the day? Emptiness is a feeling all humans experience from time to time, and it's not easy to pull yourself away from it. Feeling empty all or most of the time can be a symptom of an underlying condition, such as depression, and you should seek the help of a licensed mental health professional if you almost always feel empty. But to stop feeling empty when the sensation only bubbles up occasionally, there are simple things you can do yourself, such as journaling, trying new things, and making new friends. Filling your life with love and finding meaning in daily living should help ward away temporary feelings of emptiness and may even help if you're striving to recover from long-term emptiness.
Spend time with people who love you. This may be your family or it may be a group of trusted friends. Spending time with people who really know you and love you for who you are is a remedy for emptiness. Focus on building and strengthening your relationships with these people. You can find meaning in the simple act of spending time with a loved one who takes pleasure in your company. Spending time with friends and family can also help reduce stress and give you a deeper sense of belonging.[1]
Reduce the time that you spend with people who are harmful to you, even if they don’t mean to be. If you must spend time around someone who is hurting your self-esteem or making you feel powerless, make sure your meetings always have a time cap.
Make a new friend or enter a romantic relationship. The pleasure of meeting someone you connect with and letting the relationship grow in unexpected ways is a terrific antidote to feelings of emptiness. A new friend or love interest can help you have rich new experiences and show you that you're an interesting, lovable person. Suddenly the world can seem like it has a lot more to offer than you previously thought. Making friends can also help you to have a deeper sense of purpose and belonging.[2]
Sometimes it's difficult to make new friends and meet people, especially in later years when you're no longer in school. Joining clubs, taking classes, or spending time in a favorite hangout are good ways to meet people.
Practice being more generous with your time and saying "yes" when you're invited to do something. If you feel you never have enough time to give new relationships, they won't grow.
Adopt an animal companion. Research has shown that having a pet can make life feel fuller and more meaningful.[3] People who own pets are also less likely to suffer from depression and may experience health benefits from owning a pet as well.[4] Having a companion animal that depends on you for care can also help make your life seem more meaningful. Consider adopting a cat or dog from a local shelter to reduce your feelings of emptiness.
Be kind to others. Performing random acts of kindness can help you feel more fulfilled by refocusing your attention on other people. Look for small ways that you can demonstrate kindness to others. The kind acts that you perform will make other people feel good, which may help you to feel more fulfilled.
For example, you could offer a compliment to a stranger such as, “I love your dress! It is so beautiful.” Look for ways to show kindness in whatever situation you are in. Even something as simple as smiling and nodding at people throughout the day might help to brighten someone’s day and help you to feel more fulfilled.
Do something new. If you're feeling empty every day, you're probably stuck in some type of rut. What routines and patterns might be getting you down? Find a way to inject some new energy into your life. Changing your routine or even finding 30 minutes per day to try something new can help fill the emptiness.
For example, if getting up and going to school or work every day is what's getting you down, figure out a way to make the situation more interesting. Start a new extracurricular activity to help yourself get excited to go to school, or volunteer to work on a new project at work.
Try doing something slightly outside your comfort zone. Making improvements in a new area will give you something interesting to think about and help you build up your confidence.
Even small changes can end up making a big difference. Try out a dish from a cuisine that's new to you, bike to work instead of driving, or start doing yoga in the morning before school.
Changing your personal environment can also help. Replace drab curtains in your bedroom with something brighter, paint the walls a new color, get rid of clutter, and introduce some interesting artwork.
Pursue goals and interests that matter to you. In order to feel fulfilled, you should work towards goals and interests that matter to you. Don’t let others control the goals or interests that you choose to pursue. If you are not pursuing goals and interests that matter to you, you may need to readjust your pursuits to make sure you're on a track that you feel good about.[39]
If you're in school, consider whether you are studying what you want to study, or what your parents want you to study.
Other outside pressures can also have a negative effect on the decisions we make. Decide if you are doing what you really want to do, or if you are doing something that will look impressive to others.
If you determine that there are forces or people preventing your life from being self-directed, take steps to change your situation. Once you have more control over things, you might see the feeling of emptiness subside.
Look for meaning in the everyday. When life feels like drudgery, it can help to take time to find beauty and meaning in small, everyday things. What makes you feel alive and joyful? When you find something that seems to give you a boost, make it a consistent part of your life. Here are a few ideas for making the mundane feel more meaningful:
Practice gratitude. Taking a few moments each day to think about what you are grateful for and why can help make your life feel more meaningful.[40] You can speak or even write down your gratitude to reinforce it. For example, you might say or write, “I am so thankful the sun is out today; it’s beautiful!” or “I am so thankful for my caring family; they make me feel so special.”
Don't deny yourself your favorite foods. If you love chocolate, have some! You don't have to go overboard, but give yourself permission to enjoy a little every day.
Go outside and breathe fresh air. Research has shown that spending time outside makes people feel more alive and energetic.[41] Spend some time outside every single day, rain or shine. Focus on breathing in fresh air and noticing the natural world in a deeper way.
Take time to make your world richer and more pleasant. Turn seemingly trivial tasks into positive rituals. Sit down and read the newspaper while you're drinking your morning coffee or tea instead of dashing out the door. Take a long, hot bath on the weekend instead of a shower.
Keep your home environment pleasant. Fold your laundry neatly before putting it away. Wash the dinner dishes before you go to bed. Make your bed in the morning. Air your home out by opening the windows and letting some light and wind inside. Don't neglect to do spring cleaning. Maybe you feel you don't have time for all this, or that it doesn't matter, but when your home feels fresh and clean, the mundane parts of life are easier to bear.
Take good care of yourself. Exercise, healthy food, rest, and relaxation are all important components of a meaningful life. By taking good care of yourself, you are sending your mind signals that you deserve to be taken care of and that your life has value. Make sure that you are devoting enough time to meeting your basic needs for exercise, food, sleep, and relaxation.[42]
Aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day.
Eat a balanced diet of healthy whole foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
Get 8 hours of sleep per night.
Set aside at least 15 minutes per day to practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate.
Identify your values. Reminding yourself of what you value in life and what you value about yourself can help you feel fulfilled rather than empty. Our values, or core beliefs about life, are usually based on our experiences throughout our lives, but we may not always take time to consciously examine them. In order to seek out your values, you will need to spend some time in reflection. Identify your values by writing your answers to the following questions:[43]
Identify the two people you most admire. Which of their qualities make you admire them and why?
If your house was on fire, and you could only save 3 things, which would you choose and why?
What topics or events get you fired up? What about these topics are important to you? Why?
Identify a moment when you felt fulfilled and content. What about that moment made you feel fulfilled? Why?
Determine which qualities match up with your values. After you have finished answering these questions, try to figure out what qualities correspond with your values. In other words, read your answers and decide what qualities best match up with your values.[44]
For example, if you chose to bring a favorite book, a family heirloom, and gift from your best friend, you might say that this means you value intelligence, loyalty, and friendship. Therefore, a few of your qualities might be that you are intelligent, loyal, and a good friend.
Think about activities that would allow you to embrace your values. Once you have determined what you value most and what your qualities are, you can begin to determine what activities would make you feel fulfilled. Make a list of these activities and choose at least one of them to add into your life.[45]
For example, if you have “Community” as a value, you could volunteer for your neighborhood watch, serve as a tutor at your school, or work at a soup kitchen. If you have “Faith” as a value, you could look for ways to incorporate your faith into more areas of your life, such as going on a mission trip or visiting your church, temple, mosque, or other place of worship more regularly.
By living a “value-congruent” life (meaning the choices you make and your life path align with your values), you are more likely to feel fulfilled and happy.
塑膠食物容器傷身?
Q: Should you avoid eating hot food from plastic bowls and dishes?
A: Sometimes. Not all plastics are safe, but those approved for use with food are safe to eat from.
Conditions of Use
Although there are many different plastics, the two main types of plastic used in dinnerware are melamine resin and polypropylene.
What we do know though is that neither polypropylene nor melamine contain two of the toxins that have raised concern in recent years: bisphenol A (BPA) and phthalates.
The bottom line: when it comes to heat, there are no materials – short of ceramics – that don't leach something, Musgrave says.
睡覺型態與性格
9 Sleeping Patterns Which Describe Your Personality By: Amrisha Sharma
Sleeping Patterns Sleeping patterns describe your personality as the sleeping position gives the gist of your personality. According to scientists, the sleeping position of a person provides the detail of the person. We all know our body language in the conscious level so it is equally important to know yourself even in the subconscious mind. So, here are sleeping patterns to describe the personality. Professor Chris Idzikowski, director of the UK Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service has analyzed 6 different sleeping patterns to describe your personality type: Foetus: Side sleeper who curl up in one side either left or right. This sleeping position describes the person to be tough from outside but sensitive at heart. People with this sleeping style take time to be comfortable with the new friends and is a common sleeping style among women. Log: In this position, the person sleeps straight on one side with arms on the side. The sleepers of this position are easy going social individuals who like to be in the crowd and not alone. These people trust easily and are sometimes gullible. Side sleeper with one knee bent: This sleeping style describes the chilled out personality of people. But they are always complaining and complaining. Becoming nervous over small issues and getting over-excited easily is sometimes visible in such people. The need to relax is a must for them. Yearner: In this sleeping position, people sleep sideways with arms out in the front. They are open in nature but suspicious and cynical. They think before taking a decision as the decision once taken is very rigid and applicable to them. Free-faller: Sleeping upside down with arms on the sides around the pillow portray gregarious and brash personality. They are moody, don't like criticism and like changes in life. Soldier: Lying straight on the back and arms on the sides, almost like attention position. They are quiet and reserved who don't like to fuss around with people. Covering head to toes under blanket: Robust from outside but weak and scared from inside. People with this sleeping pattern can keep secrets and are not open-minded to share problems with everyone. Back sleeper with crossed arms across the head: These people are highly enthusiastic and intelligent to learn new things. Very choosy in loving and caring! Starfish: Lying on the back with arms under the pillow. This sleeping pattern shows that they are open-minded and good at communication but they don't like to be the center of attention. Which sleeping position you have?
30 Benefits of Humor at Work by Andrew Tarvin
I’m incredibly passionate about humor in the workplace and not because it’s fun. As an engineer, the reason why I care about using humor is that it works. It’s effective with the one thing you can’t be efficient with, human beings.
So with that in mind, here are 30 benefits of humor at work, backed by research, case studies, and real-world examples.
Humor and Communication
Humor gets people to listen. “Consistent use of appropriate humor makes people want to read and hear what you say.”1
Humor increases long-term memory retention. “Instructional messages that gain students’ attention and help them make sense of course content (clarity behaviors) enhance students’ ability to process the content resulting in greater retention and learning.”2
Humor increases persuasion. “Humor can be highly persuasive when presenting a message that people disagree with because the humor distracts them from immediately creating counter arguments, in part because they don’t feel like the message is being crammed down their throats.”3
Humor aids in learning. “The use of humor as a pedagogical tool has been shown to reduce classroom anxiety, create a more positive atmosphere, as well as facilitate the learning process.”4
Humor increases the likability of the speaker. “An appropriate use of humor will produce a favorable attitude toward the speaker.”5
Humor and Relationships
Humor connects us with others. “Positive sounds such as laughter or a triumphant ‘woo hoo!’ can trigger a response in the listener’s brain. The response is automatic and helps us interact socially by priming us to smile or laugh, and thereby connecting us with the other person.”6
Humor reduces status differentials. “Humor can help to reduce the social distance between managers and employees.”7
Humor diffuses conflict. “Humor has long been seen as the great equalizer—a means to facilitate conversation and bridge differences. As a matter of fact humor has been identified as a key factor in peace-building and international mediation.”8
Humor builds trust. “Social benefits of humor include group cohesiveness, reduction of status differentials, diffusion of conflict, team and trust building among diverse groups.”9
Humor encourages people to work together. “A growing body of research shows that when you share a laugh with someone, you’re mirroring not only one another’s body language, but also the hormonal and neuronal activity, prompting a mutual investment in each other’s well-being.”10
Humor and Problem Solving
Humor boosts overall brainpower. “A dose of humor releases the chemical serotonin in your brain, which improves focus, increases objectivity and improves overall brainpower.”11
Humor improves decision-making. “Positive moods prompt more flexible decision-making and wider search behavior and greater analytic precision.”12
Humor increases the acceptance of new ideas. “Unconventional interactions can lower the barrier for people to posit novel things.”13
Humor triggers new connections. “Humor stimulates the right hemisphere of the brain, which, in turn, sets off divergent, creative thinking which allows individuals to see broader applications, novel connections, and otherwise elusive relationships.”9
Humor enhances ones ability to solve problems. “Studies have shown that simply watching comedy films can improve creative problem solving skills.”14
Humor and Productivity
Humor provides motivation. “The use of humor in organizations has been associated with improving morale among workers, creating a more positive organizational culture, … and increasing motivation.”15
Humor reduces absenteeism. “Humor is associated with enhanced work performance, satisfaction, workgroup cohesion, health, and coping effectiveness, as well as decreased burnout, stress, and work withdrawal.”16
Humor prevents long-term burnout. “Humor in the workplace has been shown to reduce absenteeism, increase company loyalty, prevent burnout and increase productivity.”17
Humor increases employee engagement. “Managers who lead with levity benefit from higher levels of employee engagement and overall success.”18
Humor improves productivity. “In one study of more than 2,500 employees, 81 percent said they believe a fun working environment would make them more productive.”19
Humor and Health
Humor reduces stress. “People with a sense of humor report less stress and anxiety than those with a low sense of humor, despite experiencing the same number of problems at work.”20
Humor strengthens the immune system. “Laughter may improve immune function by blocking production of stress hormones, such as cortisol, and by increasing the release of immunoenhancers, such as beta-endorphin.”21
Humor relaxes muscles. “Humor relaxes muscles, decreases blood pressure and improves our immune system.”22
Humor burns calories. “Laughing 100 times can burn as many calories as 10-minutes on a stationary bicycle.”23
Humor increases happiness. “Humor was one of the healthiest adaptations to being happy in life.”24
Humor and Leadership
Humor enhances perceived leadership skills. “People who use humor, particularly in stressful or seemingly one-down positions, are viewed as being on top of things, being in charge and in control, whether they are in fact or not.”25
Humor creates more opportunities. “Research has shown that managers displaying a good sense of humor are given more opportunities in organizations than those without a sense of humor.”9
Humor builds credibility. “Humor users are seen as more credible and as more competent.”26
Humor increases size of paycheck. “The size of their bonuses correlated positively with their use of humor – ‘In other words, the funnier the executives were, the bigger the bonuses.'”27
Humor increases profit. “Organization humor has been linked with successful leadership, with increases in profit and work compliance, with a successful business culture, with message and goal clarity in managerial presentations, with improvement in group problem- solving, and with reducing emotional stress due to threats and role conflict at work.”28
學會幽默有哪些好處 www.atoomu.com
我們常常會因為他人的幽默而發笑，鬱悶的心理情緒也常常因為幽默而紓解。在生活中，越是在生活中傾向於微笑面對，尤其是挫折事件，就會變得更好。以下便是幽默的力量，使我們在軀體，意識，精神方面可以得到修復。
揭秘幽默的九種心理力量
1、幽默減輕壓力
同樣的研究在加州Loma linda大學上演，這次是一個相似的研究看笑聲能否增加免疫系統的同時也減少三種應激激素：皮質酮，腎上腺素和多巴胺代謝激素，一種多巴胺降解代謝物質。
他們研究了16個被試，這些人被隨機分配到控制組和實驗組（有幽默性事件發生），血壓水平显示這三種應激激素分別被減少到了39%，70%和38%。因此，研究者認為积極事件可以減少有害的應激激素。
2、幽默有助於交流
這對於任何人來說都是一個很好的情感建議。特別是對那些傾向焦慮和抑鬱的人來說。大部分情況下，面對別人的批評指責常常容易引起鬥爭，但是一陣偷笑或者話題轉到搞笑的事件上，哈哈，那大傢伙便能夠大笑，氣氛融洽的很。瞧，如此而以，爭端便神奇地迎刃而解。
幽默是表達真理的一種方法，但對於某些人來說卻很難表達。對於像我這樣不喜歡說大話的人來說，這真是一門便利的語言。你若還在抱怨你的口語考試得分比較低，也許就是主考官認為你的表達不夠有趣。
3、幽默可以戰勝恐懼
我曾經在一個社區的精神病房通過看喜劇片來應對抑鬱。在那個社區的病房的時候，我像其他人一樣，龜縮在房間的一個角落，對一些事情害怕的要死。我不再微笑，不再愛，甚至不想去愛，我對生活的所有事情充滿恐懼。
護士最開始讓我們看喜劇片，並沒有立即讓我的恐懼消失，轉變成笑聲。但是這個房間的氛圍顯着的和以前不一樣。病人們開始變得相互開放，開始分享交流以前接受過的治療情節。
幽默分散了恐懼，因為它改變了一個人過去和現在的認知。如果你能夠把以前的故事認為是“可笑”的，那麼童年期 所受的創傷經歷在你的心靈中將不再 那麼糾結。如果你能抱着自我娛樂的觀點，你就能夠從使你焦慮困擾的婚姻問題中解脫釋放出來。笑聲迫使我們在情境與反應之間作出一些緩和的步調以及一些必須 的距離。如Leo Buscaglia所言：“當你只是拿到一根繩子的末端，那麼就把它打個結，緊緊抓住揮舞。”
4、幽默使人舒適
查理。卓別林曾說：“真誠地去笑吧，你將能夠去除痛苦，並與痛苦嬉戲。”我猜想這就是為什麼這麼多幽默的人面對痛苦採取的娛樂之旅，如Stephen Colbert，Robin Williams，Ben Stiller，Art Buchwald等人。
在輕聲笑語甚至是咯咯一笑當中潛藏着一種信息：“我相信，你將克服這一切。”就像你三歲的時候，母親給你的一 個溫暖的擁抱一樣。事實上，自從 1986年後，紐約馬戲團就已經用幽默給病童帶來安慰，他們會進入醫院，帶來一隊的小丑表演“橡皮雞湯”以及其他有趣的表演。“是的，這是在為孩子們表演 ”在“美國健康”雜誌中，馬戲團副導演Jane Englebardt這樣解釋，“但是，這也是為孩子的父母們準備的，當他們聽到孩子在數天或者數周之內的第一次笑聲，他們知道一切都會好起來。”
5、幽默讓人放鬆
就像鍛煉一樣，笑能讓人放鬆，這對大部分美國人而言有助於減輕長期壓在肩上的壓力。紐約長老會醫院/紐約哥倫比亞大學醫學中心Mehmet C.Oz醫學博士在2005年的“讀者文摘”中這樣解釋：
當你推動引擎，每一次換檔的時候，需要你全身用最大的力氣。及時的生理反應：不規則的心跳，高血壓，痛覺敏感度提升。當人們使用幽默，自主神經系統就像從高把位上緩緩下來，讓心髒得以放鬆。
6、幽默減輕疼痛
很顯然，Laurel地區的精神護理醫院，並不是唯一一家讓病人聚在一起觀看喜劇片的醫院。巴爾第摩慈善總醫 院精神科主任Elias Shaya醫生，也嘗試着在病人當中逐漸灌輸笑聲的重要性。Shaya醫生說：“我倡導通過收看喜劇片尋找微笑的方法，或者尋找笑話和他們一起分享。”
“幽默屋”是用來鼓勵人們運用幽默從各種疾病中恢復過來，現在已經在一些醫院使用。科學支持這種努力。整體觀 醫學護理雜誌發表的一項研究表明， 幽默的確能夠減輕痛苦。“在手術后，有一些病人在施以有痛苦的藥物治療之前給予實驗控制，結果相比較那些沒有幽默刺激的人來說，接觸幽默刺激的組群較少感 到疼痛”。
7、幽默提升免疫系統
當我不小心用針刺破了我的手指，我會跟自己開玩笑，這時候手指就不流血了。哦，這是不是很神奇。如果你遭遇流 感，卧病在床，這個時候你4歲的孩子跑過來，高高興興地向你述說在學校里發生的愉快事情，你或許會立即返回去工作。再好一點講，着迷於這種神秘，以至於在 工作中更賣力。
加州Loma linda大學的Berk和Stanley發現，當志願者參加觀看幽默的視頻，他們的兩種荷爾蒙，beta激素（緩解抑鬱）和成長激素（有助免疫）分別增加了27%和87%。簡而言之，笑聲能夠促進形成自我保護激素和化學物質。
在“美國健康”雜誌中，Dave Traynor在堪薩斯技術大學做過一項研究，主要集中在一個有關免疫能力是否能被幽默加強的計劃，結果笑聲再一次被證明能夠戰勝病毒以及外來病毒細胞。
8、幽默可以培育樂觀
幽默如感激可以培育樂觀精神，Dan Baker在《人們了解什麼是開心》寫下：欣賞是最初和最基本的快樂手段，研究者現在認為生理上不可能同時存在欣賞和恐懼兩種狀態，因此，欣賞是恐懼的解藥。
所以，如果一個人能對他以前的不快記憶或者當前的痛苦事件，以幽默應之處理，那麼就可以改變他的認知觀點，不時地讓生活中到處充滿微笑，這樣人們便可以更有效地去減輕苦難。
9、幽默傳播幸福
我記得在我小時候玩過這樣一個遊戲，我和一群小朋友玩一個睡眠遊戲，我把我的頭放在我朋友的腹部上，朋友的頭 放在另外一個朋友的腹部上，一直這樣的方式延續到所有參与此次遊戲的朋友，然後從第一個朋友起發出一聲“哈”，第二個朋友發兩聲“哈哈”，第三個發“哈哈哈”，依此類推發出一連串的笑聲。 這會使所有人歇斯底里嘛？當然不會。當朋友發出“哈”的笑聲時，腹部的一緊一松只會令你“咯咯”地笑。
"把每一天都活得快樂"
把每一天都活得快樂
16 Things to Let Go to Live a Truly Happy Life
By Sumitha Bhandarkar
happy-girl
“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” ~Jim Rohn
Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent the better part of my life chasing after happiness. It always seemed like happiness stayed just a tad bit out of my grasp—somewhere in the future that I could always see, but not quite touch.
For instance, when I was a kid, I believed I’d be happy if I got an admission into a good college. In college, I believed that I’d be happy if I got a good job. When I got a job, I believed that I’d be happy if I got a promotion and a raise. And on and on it went.
Every time I reached a goal, it seemed like the next goal was where true happiness lay.
Sadly, this affected my personal life as well. I thought, “When I find a great guy, I’ll be happy. Wait, to be truly happy, we need to first get married. Being married is great, but we need to have kids to find real joy. Gosh, our baby needs to grow up a little so we can really enjoy being with her…” And so on.
For more than thirty-five years, I chased happiness on this path, not realizing what a futile chase it was.
And then, about two years back, I was abruptly jolted out of it.
One evening, on a day that had started out like any other, I found myself at the hospital with my three-year-old daughter in tow, waiting outside the emergency room that my husband lay in.
After a week at the hospital, my husband came out okay. However, it fundamentally changed the way I look at life.
For the first time I saw the futility of our chase. I still believe that goals are important and we should strive to achieve them. But now, I see them more as mile markers in life’s journey, not having much to do with happiness.
Happiness, it turns out, is not something we go after. It’s something already within us. We just need to clear up some clutter to find it.
The two years that followed have been an amazing journey of slowly letting go of some of that clutter in the quest to find the true happiness within. It’s still a work-in-progress, but here are the things I’ve been striving to let go.
1. Let go of trying to control everything.
The only thing that we can truly control is our own attitude and reactions. Once we accept that, we can find happiness right where we are, irrespective of how things turn out. This was perhaps the hardest but the most necessary part of the transformation for me.
2. Let go of trying to please everyone.
Every time we pretend to be someone, it takes us away from our true selves, and from our place of happiness. It was hard at first to stop trying to please others. Eventually I realized how liberating it was to dare to be myself!
3. Let go of the sense of entitlement.
I often found myself asking “Why me?” It was hard to replace that with “Why not?” After all, everyone gets their share of joys and sorrows; why should I somehow be above it and deserve only the joys?
4. Let go of resentment.
Unless we walk in the shoes of the other, we really don’t know the reason for their behavior. Carrying resentment only hurts us and delays any repair. I cannot tell you how amazing it’s been to let go of some of the resentment I didn’t even know I’d been carrying for years!
5. Let go of guilt.
On the flip side, if we are the ones who made a mistake, it is time to forgive ourselves and make amends. “I’m sorry. How can I fix it?” can go a long way in starting the healing process.
6. Let go of pride.
Neither apology nor forgiveness is possible without letting go of pride. Nor is there room for authentic connection where pride resides. Let it go.
7. Let go of perfectionism.
If I had a dime for every opportunity I squandered in the quest for perfection, I’d be rich! But no one can be perfect all the time. That’s what makes us humans. We are quirky. We have flaws. We are beautiful just the way we are.
8. Let go of negativity.
In any given situation we have a choice—look at what’s good and be grateful, or look at what’s wrong and complain. Deliberately adopting the attitude of gratitude literally changed the course of my life.
9. Let go of draining, unhealthy relationships.
We are the average of the people we hang out with, and if they are frequently negative, it becomes hard for us to maintain an attitude of gratitude. It’s been a tough call to distance myself from people in my life who were bringing me down, but it was necessary to move on.
10. Let go of the busyness.
Somewhere along the way, many of us have bought into the notion that the busier we are and the more we achieve, the happier we will be. After thirty-five years, I’ve come to realize that busyness does not equal happiness.
11. Let go of the attachment to money.
Money is definitely good to have, but once our basic needs and savings goals are met, it’s time to evaluate the tradeoff of earning more and more. Letting go of the need for money just for the sake of it has been a very hard but fulfilling experience for me.
12. Let go of the fear of failure.
Everybody who tries anything worthwhile fails at some point or the other. Failure does not mean we are broken. It simply means we are courageous to dare! Easier said than done, but I’m trying.
13. Let go of the fear of abandonment.
Fundamentally, we all crave for connection. But when fear of abandonment starts to rule our lives we make very irrational choices. I try to trust that what is meant to be will happen. And no matter how things turn out, we’ll come out of it okay.
14. Let go of comparison.
We usually only get to see the highlights reel of other’s lives. Comparing my behind-the-scenes to that has only made me unhappy in the past. It’s time for change.
15. Let go of expectations.
In the end, the core of all my issues was that I expected things to be a certain way. I expected what a good spouse or a friend ought to act like. I expected my daughter to behave a certain way. I expected how situations should turn out. Heck, I even had fixed expectations of what happiness was! Letting go of expectations has helped everything else start to fall in place.
16. Let go of yesterday and tomorrow.
And finally, how can we find true happiness if we are saddled down by the baggage of the past or fear of the future? Once I learned to let go of some of the above, I started to focus deliberately on today and now. Suddenly, music and beauty emerged from what was previously mundane. Is there a better way to find true happiness?
Letting go of something that is ingrained in our minds for years is hard. In my experience, even when I do manage to let go of something some of the time, at other times, it comes right back. In the end, it’s the journey that matters, right?
So, what will you let go of today?
By Sumitha Bhandarkar
happy-girl
“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” ~Jim Rohn
Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent the better part of my life chasing after happiness. It always seemed like happiness stayed just a tad bit out of my grasp—somewhere in the future that I could always see, but not quite touch.
For instance, when I was a kid, I believed I’d be happy if I got an admission into a good college. In college, I believed that I’d be happy if I got a good job. When I got a job, I believed that I’d be happy if I got a promotion and a raise. And on and on it went.
Every time I reached a goal, it seemed like the next goal was where true happiness lay.
Sadly, this affected my personal life as well. I thought, “When I find a great guy, I’ll be happy. Wait, to be truly happy, we need to first get married. Being married is great, but we need to have kids to find real joy. Gosh, our baby needs to grow up a little so we can really enjoy being with her…” And so on.
For more than thirty-five years, I chased happiness on this path, not realizing what a futile chase it was.
And then, about two years back, I was abruptly jolted out of it.
One evening, on a day that had started out like any other, I found myself at the hospital with my three-year-old daughter in tow, waiting outside the emergency room that my husband lay in.
After a week at the hospital, my husband came out okay. However, it fundamentally changed the way I look at life.
For the first time I saw the futility of our chase. I still believe that goals are important and we should strive to achieve them. But now, I see them more as mile markers in life’s journey, not having much to do with happiness.
Happiness, it turns out, is not something we go after. It’s something already within us. We just need to clear up some clutter to find it.
The two years that followed have been an amazing journey of slowly letting go of some of that clutter in the quest to find the true happiness within. It’s still a work-in-progress, but here are the things I’ve been striving to let go.
1. Let go of trying to control everything.
The only thing that we can truly control is our own attitude and reactions. Once we accept that, we can find happiness right where we are, irrespective of how things turn out. This was perhaps the hardest but the most necessary part of the transformation for me.
2. Let go of trying to please everyone.
Every time we pretend to be someone, it takes us away from our true selves, and from our place of happiness. It was hard at first to stop trying to please others. Eventually I realized how liberating it was to dare to be myself!
3. Let go of the sense of entitlement.
I often found myself asking “Why me?” It was hard to replace that with “Why not?” After all, everyone gets their share of joys and sorrows; why should I somehow be above it and deserve only the joys?
4. Let go of resentment.
Unless we walk in the shoes of the other, we really don’t know the reason for their behavior. Carrying resentment only hurts us and delays any repair. I cannot tell you how amazing it’s been to let go of some of the resentment I didn’t even know I’d been carrying for years!
5. Let go of guilt.
On the flip side, if we are the ones who made a mistake, it is time to forgive ourselves and make amends. “I’m sorry. How can I fix it?” can go a long way in starting the healing process.
6. Let go of pride.
Neither apology nor forgiveness is possible without letting go of pride. Nor is there room for authentic connection where pride resides. Let it go.
7. Let go of perfectionism.
If I had a dime for every opportunity I squandered in the quest for perfection, I’d be rich! But no one can be perfect all the time. That’s what makes us humans. We are quirky. We have flaws. We are beautiful just the way we are.
8. Let go of negativity.
In any given situation we have a choice—look at what’s good and be grateful, or look at what’s wrong and complain. Deliberately adopting the attitude of gratitude literally changed the course of my life.
9. Let go of draining, unhealthy relationships.
We are the average of the people we hang out with, and if they are frequently negative, it becomes hard for us to maintain an attitude of gratitude. It’s been a tough call to distance myself from people in my life who were bringing me down, but it was necessary to move on.
10. Let go of the busyness.
Somewhere along the way, many of us have bought into the notion that the busier we are and the more we achieve, the happier we will be. After thirty-five years, I’ve come to realize that busyness does not equal happiness.
11. Let go of the attachment to money.
Money is definitely good to have, but once our basic needs and savings goals are met, it’s time to evaluate the tradeoff of earning more and more. Letting go of the need for money just for the sake of it has been a very hard but fulfilling experience for me.
12. Let go of the fear of failure.
Everybody who tries anything worthwhile fails at some point or the other. Failure does not mean we are broken. It simply means we are courageous to dare! Easier said than done, but I’m trying.
13. Let go of the fear of abandonment.
Fundamentally, we all crave for connection. But when fear of abandonment starts to rule our lives we make very irrational choices. I try to trust that what is meant to be will happen. And no matter how things turn out, we’ll come out of it okay.
14. Let go of comparison.
We usually only get to see the highlights reel of other’s lives. Comparing my behind-the-scenes to that has only made me unhappy in the past. It’s time for change.
15. Let go of expectations.
In the end, the core of all my issues was that I expected things to be a certain way. I expected what a good spouse or a friend ought to act like. I expected my daughter to behave a certain way. I expected how situations should turn out. Heck, I even had fixed expectations of what happiness was! Letting go of expectations has helped everything else start to fall in place.
16. Let go of yesterday and tomorrow.
And finally, how can we find true happiness if we are saddled down by the baggage of the past or fear of the future? Once I learned to let go of some of the above, I started to focus deliberately on today and now. Suddenly, music and beauty emerged from what was previously mundane. Is there a better way to find true happiness?
Letting go of something that is ingrained in our minds for years is hard. In my experience, even when I do manage to let go of something some of the time, at other times, it comes right back. In the end, it’s the journey that matters, right?
So, what will you let go of today?
0 意見:
張貼留言