單身狗!
Words that Describe the Dating Scene in China
yoyochinese.com
From China to the USA, boxes of heart shaped chocolates are already half-finished and bunches of red roses are starting to wilt – February 14th is officially over (phew!).
In last week's Anti-Valentine's Day post, I introduced some of the fun and stress that young Chinese people face during China's hyper-commercialized Valentine’s Day.
This week, I'm introducing expressions that show the intense pressure placed on young Chinese people to find love and get married.
You'll see that money isn't the only thing that makes the dating scene more frightening than fun.
If the cheesiness and monetary drain caused by Valentine’s Day is bad, then being single is even worse. Traditional attitudes of parents and relatives often view an unmarried person in their 30s as an embarrassment at best, and a disaster at worst. The weight of this burden is so big that the industry for “fake” boyfriends and girlfriends is booming in China. That's right, an unmarried Chinese person can pay a
If the cheesiness and monetary drain caused by Valentine’s Day is bad, then being single is even worse. Traditional attitudes of parents and relatives often view an unmarried person in their 30s as an embarrassment at best, and a disaster at worst.
The weight of this burden is so big that the industry for “fake” boyfriends and girlfriends is booming in China. That's right, an unmarried Chinese person can pay a "fake" boyfriend or girlfriend to travel home with them for the holidays.
The following two expressions perfectly illustrate the stresses facing single Chinese people. Use these to complain about being unlucky in love, or commiserate with your single friends.
单身狗 (dān shēn gǒu) – "single dog"
This is a mildly insulting term for a single person. You can use it to describe yourself, or poke fun at your close friends.
Come February 14th, my WeChat (China’s version of Facebook) is usually full of friends complaining:
我是单身狗 (wǒ shì dān shēn gǒu) – I am a single dog.
Note: when several friends are all single, they often take pride in the title 单身狗 (dān shēn gǒu). "Single and proud!"
单身狗 (dān shēn gǒu) –
剩女 (shèng nǚ) / 剩男 (shèng nán) – “leftover” woman/man
This unfortunate name refers to people in their late 20s or older who aren't married yet.
Given the stigma attached to being above 30 and single, these people are seen as unlikely to find a husband or wife, and are therefore “leftover”.
This term is most often used to apply to educated urban women who prioritize their career above starting a family.
In my adoptive city of Shanghai, people will often comment:
上海剩女越来越多 (shàng hǎi shèng nǚ yuè lái yuè duō) – There are more and more “leftover women” in Shanghai.
There is a lot of pressure to find a partner. So it’s not surprising that most people in China want to get coupled up—most importantly for the annual trip back home at Chinese New Year (which usually falls in the same month as Valentine’s Day).
The familiar approaches of meeting potential life partners at college, work, or through online dating services are certainly widely used. But the 相亲市场 (xiāng qīn shì chǎng) – "matchmaking fair" or "marriage market" remains an important, if slightly ruthless, method of finding a spouse.
These events can range from a low-key street corner gathering (where parents clutch their children’s credentials and negotiate fervently), to large-scale Expo-style fairs with tens of thousands of attendees.
The familiar approaches of meeting potential life partners at college, work, or through online dating services are certainly widely used. But the 相亲市场 (xiāng qīn shì chǎng) –
聊天高手
Ways to get better at small talk
Shana Lebowitz businessinsider.com
Whether you're speed-dating, networking, or simply socializing, knowing how to start an engaging chat is a must.
But it's not always easy. What if you and your conversation partner seem to have nothing in common? What if there's an awkward pause? What if you accidentally insult the person?
To help you out, we reviewed the Quora thread "How can I get better at small talk?" and highlighted some of the most helpful responses.
Read on to impress new acquaintances with your masterful conversation skills.
1. Demonstrate interest in your conversation partner
Several Quora users noted that the best way to keep a conversation rolling is to show you care about what the other person has to say.
"If you don't fundamentally care about the person you are speaking with, that will show, and that may be the primary reason why you are running out of things to discuss," writes Kai Peter Chang.
That also means letting your conversation partner share information about himself or herself.
"Let the other person speak more," writes Anam Gulraiz. "People LOVE talking about themselves."
2. Ask open-ended questions
Instead of asking yes/no questions that lead to dead ends, encourage your conversation partner to share some more detail about his or her life.
"In general, open-ended questions lead to more conversational paths," says Craig Welland.
For example, instead of asking a fellow party guest, "Are you here with your family?" you might ask, "How did you meet the host?"
3. Allow your conversation partner to teach you
"If there's a subject you're not familiar with, just be honest with that person and nine out of ten times they'll teach you about it," writes Michael Wong.
It goes back to that central idea of letting other people do most of the talking. Asking the other person to explain what they mean means they'll be talking for at least another few minutes.
In the days leading up to a social function, take time to peruse the news.
Flickr / Elvert Barnes
4. Read the news
In the days leading up to a social function, take time to peruse the news, "including the sections that don't really interest you," writes Mark Simchock.
That way, if a conversation should come to an abrupt halt, you can fill the silence with, "Hey, did you hear about …" or "Man, how about that … ?"
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