拯救自己
Need saving? Save yourself.
E.B. Johnson medium
Finding our own way in this increasingly maddening world is hard. We get lost in the details and the chaos and before we know it, we’re barely keeping our heads above water.
When you’re feeling vulnerable or when you’re struggling emotionally, it can seem a bit like being stuck on a sinking ship. Getting pulled under by our grief or our hopelessness leaves us exhausted and looking for relief in strange places. Feeling like you aren’t strong enough to go on can cause you to seek salvation in others — a dangerous precedent to set and a foolhardy pattern to find yourself repeating.
If life is falling apart around you, there’s only one person you can turn to: yourself. You are the only one who can save the day. Realizing that takes time, though, and it takes coming to rely on yourself like you never have before.
There are many different reasons we look to other people to solve our woes when the going gets tough. For some of us, it is simply because we are too run-down by our depression or struggle to see our own strengths clearly. For others, it’s sheer laziness or foolhardiness.
“No one saves us but ourselves. We ourselves must walk the path.” — Siddhartha Buddha
More often than not, looking to others to solve our problems makes things worse — not better. Inviting people into the issues or conflicts that we are experiencing invites those issues and conflicts into their life too, a factor that can corrode relationships over time.
Giving away our autonomy in this way also removes a vital chance to change and grow as a person. When we allow another person to come in and take charge, we are giving away our own personal power, diminishing ourselves in a way that is demeaning and self-defeating.
Though this relinquishing of responsibility can feel good for a while, it leaves us more vulnerable to life’s many cruelties. The only way to vanquish our demons is to face them, but that takes courage and it takes knowing the signs of coming self-destruction.
When we feel as though events in our life as spinning out of our control, we look to others to assume that control we can no longer handle. There are some sure-fire signs that your life is spinning out of control, but it often takes some brutal honesty to recognize it.
You’ve forgotten your choices.
Getting stuck in a ruck can make it seem as though we’re left with no choice, but that’s just not true. There’s always a choice and there’s always a moment when enough is enough, you just have to define when that moment is and remember that you have options.
You’ve forgotten what you do and don’t deserve.
When things get out of control, they get out of focus and we lose sight of what we do and don’t deserve. Not everyone will see us in the same light, but we deserve to be treated with respect no matter what. When we find ourselves surrounded by people who disrespect and belittle us, it’s often a sign that our life is spinning out of control (and that we’ll soon be looking for someone else to control it).
You’re obsessed over the past.
Often, when our here and now is miserable, we obsess over the past and the things we could have done differently. This “coulda, shoulda, woulda” mentality does not serve our growth and does nothing but make us feel worse about ourselves and how we’re feeling. We can change the past so we might as well take its lessons on board and move on.
Your minor irritations become big problems.
If the littlest thing evokes the biggest reaction in you, it might be a sign that you’re losing control. Mood swings are one of the first early warnings of losing a grip over your life, and when pesky irritations become major problems that’s doubly the case.
You’ve lost your passions.
Passion is what puts color and meaning in our lives. Losing touch with our passions causes us to disconnect with the things that matter and can leave us feeling miserable and helpless. When we lose our passions, we lose who we are. Losing who you are makes you vulnerable to predators and pretenders who would use you for ill.
You no longer like who you are.
If you look in the mirror and can’t stand the person that’s looking back at you, it’s a sign that major changes are needed in your life. When we become so distant from our authentic selves that we no longer recognize who we are, it means that we aren’t doing the work we should on ourselves and the way we see and interact with the world.
You’ve forgotten what happiness feels like.
When one little thing has the power to tear you down, you have lost touch with your happiness and the things that guide your passions. Forgetting how to laugh, smile and be at peace is a definitive signs that things are going wrong in our lives and one of the biggest signs that it’s time to save ourselves.
You cannot rely on others to make things better or fix the things that are going wrong in your life. While the people that we love can help us, they can’t change what we’ve done or decisions we’ve made that have led us down a path to unhappiness.
If your life is falling apart, you are the only one who can piece it back together. Once you’ve picked yourself up off the floor, put your life back on track using this combination of truths and techniques.
1. Realize and accept that you are the light at the end of the tunnel.
Falling into depression or hopelessness can cause you to lose sight of the things you want in life. When we don’t know who we are or what we want, we look to someone else to define that for us. The problem there is that no one can define us but ourselves. The longer we strive to live someone else’s picture of perfection, the more unhappy we will we.
Realize and accept that you are the only light at the end of the tunnel. There is no one that can “save” you, because there is no one who knows your journey and what you’re going through as intimately as you.
讓人樂觀的習慣
7 Habits That Can Help You Become More Optimistic
If you’re more of a pessimist, you don’t have to be. Here’s how to coach yourself into looking on the bright side.
BY HARVEY DEUTSCHENDORF4 MINUTE READ
Have trouble looking on the bright side? If so, it could be your loss. Successful people aren’t all optimists, but one trait many of them share is the ability to see opportunity in unlikely places. Without a dose of optimism, we’d never try anything new, and our lives would remain perpetually stuck in the same place. Forward progress of any kind is predicated on it.
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There’s the more immediate benefit, too, though; an optimistic mind-set simply helps our experiences feel more fulfilling and enjoyable. While many believe that optimism is something we’re born with in more or less finite quantities, we actually have some ability to shape our thoughts and actions–including our outlook on events. Here are seven habits to help you to cultivate optimism.
1. BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP, CONSIDER WHAT WENT WELL TODAY
As soon as you wake up, start thinking about what you want to accomplish with the expectation that it will actually happen.
We know that our subconscious minds will go over the last thoughts we had before going to sleep, influencing our dreams and even the things that start to preoccupy us the first thing in the morning. So spend a few minutes reviewing everything that went right for you that day–even the small stuff. What did you enjoy? What felt validating? This type of reflection can help you program positive thoughts and images into your minds for the night. You might even have a better sleep and awake more ready to face the day.
2. START THE DAY BY FOCUSING ON GOALS AND EXPECTATIONS
As soon as you wake up, start thinking about what you want to accomplish with the expectation that it will actually happen. Visualize yourself at the end of the day having achieved everything on your list–or even more than you’d planned to do. Don’t worry if it sounds too ambitious to complete. Spend a couple of minutes repeating your long-term goals to yourself, too, including whatever you consider to be your current mission or larger purpose in your life right now. Visualize yourself having already reached these goals.
3. RECORD YOUR DAILY PROGRESS—HOWEVER INCREMENTAL
Look at life and success as a marathon, not a sprint. It’s about building continuously on small wins and improvements. Take note of your daily development. What have you learned? Where have you improved? Write them down or recount them in your head while you’re brushing your teeth. The fact is that self-confidence takes practice. This habit can help you build and sustain it so that, over time, it will feel more natural to you to consider how you’re advancing.
4. PRACTICE GRATITUDE
The most successful optimists never forget what they have to be thankful for. While striving to reach our goals and achieve more, it’s important to feel grateful for what we have in the present. Otherwise we cultivate dissatisfaction alongside ambition. Personally, I keep a gratitude notebook where I record at least 10 things that I’m grateful for at the very start of my day. It helps me approach each morning with a positive frame of mind and gives me comfort knowing that I have a wonderful foundation to build upon every day–no matter what may happen.
5. ALWAYS SEEK SOLUTIONS FIRST
Every problem or difficulty confronts us with a choice: Where will we focus our thoughts and efforts? Optimists don’t waste time looking for people to blame or stewing on the particulars of the issue. They immediately start hunting for solutions. Consider some of your most frustrating past failures and setbacks. In retrospect, what did they help you learn? How did those experiences guide you to avoid similar missteps later? If you can cultivate that habit of analyzing past failures, you’ll similarly develop a knack for seeking solutions when new troubles arise.
Optimists don’t waste time looking for people to blame or stewing on the particulars of the issue. They immediately start hunting for solutions.
6. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH OPTIMISTS
Optimistic people don’t have the time, energy, or inclination to spend time with naysayers and negative people. They realize those personalities sap their energy. Perhaps you’re one of them! In order to coax yourself out of your pessimism, find more positive-minded, motivated people to hang out with. Bounce ideas off one another. You’ll soon find that optimists attract other optimists, and those folks will offer you support and encouragement, boosting your own optimism in turn. It can become a virtuous circle, but you first need to seek it out or set it up.
7. LEARN YOUR WAY FORWARD
Being optimistic lets us believe that the future will be even better than the past. Optimists look forward to what’s to come with excitement and anticipation, not trepidation. Management guru Peter Drucker, who lived into his nineties, made it a goal to learn one new thing every year. One year he learned to speak Japanese. Not only does learning support us in our efforts to think more optimistically, it equips us with the actual skills we’ll need to achieve our goals and take advantage of opportunities when they do show up.
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