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鬼遮掩的愛情 使人變笨
Why love makes you so silly, according to an expert
Chelsea Greenwood insider
The love shared by two people is a wonderful thing and it can often prompt individuals to act differently than normal.
Usually, acting silly because you're in love is harmless but, sometimes it can be destructive.
We spoke to a licensed psychotherapist for her insights into why love makes you silly, possible red flags, and ways to control your love-induced silly behavior.
Love is a wonderful thing. And, while love comes in many forms – the love of friends, family members, or humanity as a whole – the love that most people think of when they hear the word is the passionate, romantic kind, between two partners.
If you've ever been in a relationship, you know that when love hits your system it can cause you to act differently and, in many cases, downright silly. For some, it's a mild form of silliness, like skipping around, giggling, and acting giddy. For others, that silliness can manifest as a lack of common sense or judgment that leads one to act foolishly.
So why does this happen? We consulted Dr. Marni Feuerman, a licensed psychotherapist and author of the new book "Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships," for some answers on why exactly love makes you act like a silly goose.
Your body experiences physical changes when you fall in love
When people fall in love, they experience a surge of hormones and neurotransmitters that make them feel good, Dr. Feuerman told INSIDER.
"Such chemistry overrides our logical, rational thought," she says, which can lead you to doing things you might not otherwise.
These changes have a similar effect on our brains as drugs do
If you feel high around your crush, there's a physical reason for that, she said. "Science tells us that the chemical and hormonal changes are coded in our brains similar to addiction."
That leads you to wanting more and more of that person – sometimes to an extreme extent.
Being in love dampens our cognitive functioning
It can be hard to focus when you're in love.
Paramount Pictures
Have you ever been so in love with someone that you can't get them off your mind? You're not alone. "The feeling of being in love takes up a lot of mental space and even dampens our cognitive functioning – at least temporarily," she said.
"This certainly isn't good for our insight or judgment."
Sometimes, we mix up love and lust
While you might think you've fallen in love with your new partner, sometimes you might actually be feeling physical lust or infatuation. "The early stages of meeting someone whom we are attracted to and with which we have intense chemistry can trick us into thinking we are in love this early on," she said.
According to Harvard University, lust releases the hormones estrogen and testosterone, attraction releases dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine, and attachment releases oxytocin and vasopressin.
Though different, all three experiences can feel similar.
People who are younger, naive, and less experienced are more likely to act silly when in love
First time in a relationship? You're more likely to act out of sorts because of your love connection. The same goes for young and naive people, Dr. Feuerman said. "It is more likely to happen to those who are younger, less experienced with love and/or has a tendency to be naive in general." But she adds: "I think the silliness can happen to anyone at any time."
Silly behavior is more likely to happen at the beginning of the relationship
You'll likely feel less in control in the beginning of a relationship.
Acting silly is more likely at the start of a relationship when things are fresh because this is when we get the biggest chemical surge, she said. The more serious stuff comes next.
"For a relationship to survive, it has to get past this phase into a more stable and consistent phase," she said. "For this next phase to be successful, though, you should feel safe and secure within the relationship. You often do not feel this way in the beginning."
It's also more likely in romantic relationships than platonic relationships
Goofing off and having fun with your besties is definitely silly behavior, but it's not quite the same as the way you act when in love.
"People can still be silly in a platonic relationship but often not to the same degree as a romantic relationship," Dr. Feuerman said. "The neurochemistry isn't involved to interfere in a platonic relationship the way it does in a romantic relationship."
So, when you're around someone you're not in love – or lust – with, you tend to act more rational and grounded, she said.
While some love-induced silliness is harmless, it can sometimes be destructive
Over the years, Dr. Feuerman has seen examples of people tolerating awful behavior from their partners in the name of love, she said.
"For example, finding obvious signs of cheating but believing the ridiculous story or excuse that is spun [by the cheater]. I have also seen people get taken for a lot of money."
Certain red flags may indicate that your silly behavior is getting out of hand
Be sure to be aware of how you're being treated in your relationship.
Most of the time, being madly in love isn't a bad thing. But there are some exceptions.
"The only reason to be concerned is if the behaviors are damaging or you are being manipulated," she said. "It is also concerning if you take the serious step of engagement or marriage without being grounded about the relationship."
But you can guard against the effects of love-induced silliness to a certain extent
There are some ways to protect yourself from the effects of silliness in love. One strategy is to keep your good friends and family close and listen to their feedback about your behavior and relationship, Dr. Feuerman said.
"If they think you are being silly or stupid with a love interest, take a step back to thoughtfully reflect on what they are saying instead of jumping to defend. These people are not under love's spell the way you are."
從谷底反彈的能力
Developing Resilience: Overcoming and Growing from Setbacks
By the Mind Tools Content Team By the Mind Tools Content Team
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. – American inventor, Thomas Edison
According to legend, Thomas Edison made thousands of prototypes of the incandescent light bulb before he finally got it right. And, since the prolific inventor was awarded more than 1,000 patents, it's easy to imagine him failing on a daily basis in his lab at Menlo Park.
In spite of struggling with "failure" throughout his entire working life, Edison never let it get the best of him. All of these "failures," which are reported to be in the tens of thousands, simply showed him how not to invent something. His resilience gave the world some of the most amazing inventions of the early 20th century, such as the phonograph, the telegraph, and the motion picture.
It's hard to imagine what our world would be like if Edison had given up after his first few failures. His inspiring story forces us to look at our own lives – do we have the resilience that we need to overcome our challenges? Or do we let our failures derail our dreams? And what could we accomplish if we had the strength not to give up?
In this article, we'll examine resilience: what it is, why we need it, and how to develop it; so that we have the strength and fortitude to overcome adversity, and to keep on moving forward towards our dreams and our goals.
The Importance of Resilience
Resilience (or resiliency) is our ability to adapt and bounce back when things don't go as planned. Resilient people don't wallow or dwell on failures; they acknowledge the situation, learn from their mistakes, and then move forward.
According to the research of leading psychologist, Susan Kobasa, there are three elements that are essential to resilience:
Challenge – Resilient people view a difficulty as a challenge, not as a paralyzing event. They look at their failures and mistakes as lessons to be learned from, and as opportunities for growth. They don't view them as a negative reflection on their abilities or self-worth.
Commitment – Resilient people are committed to their lives and their goals, and they have a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning. Commitment isn't just restricted to their work – they commit to their relationships, their friendships, the causes they care about, and their religious or spiritual beliefs.
Personal Control – Resilient people spend their time and energy focusing on situations and events that they have control over. Because they put their efforts where they can have the most impact, they feel empowered and confident. Those who spend time worrying about uncontrollable events can often feel lost, helpless, and powerless to take action.
Another leading psychologist, Martin Seligman, says the way that we explain setbacks to ourselves is also important. (He talks in terms of optimism and pessimism rather than resilience, however, the effect is essentially the same.) This "explanatory style" is made up of three main elements:
Permanence – People who are optimistic (and therefore have more resilience) see the effects of bad events as temporary rather than permanent. For instance, they might say "My boss didn't like the work I did on that project" rather than "My boss never likes my work."
Pervasiveness – Resilient people don't let setbacks or bad events affect other unrelated areas of their lives. For instance, they would say "I'm not very good at this" rather than "I'm no good at anything."
Personalization – People who have resilience don't blame themselves when bad events occur. Instead, they see other people, or the circumstances, as the cause. For instance, they might say "I didn't get the support I needed to finish that project successfully," rather than "I messed that project up because I can't do my job."
In our Expert Interview with Dr. Cal Crow, the co-founder and Program Director of the Center for Learning Connections, Dr. Crow identified several further attributes that are common in resilient people:
Resilient people have a positive image of the future. That is, they maintain a positive outlook, and envision brighter days ahead.
Resilient people have solid goals, and a desire to achieve those goals.
Resilient people are empathetic and compassionate, however, they don't waste time worrying what others think of them. They maintain healthy relationships, but don't bow to peer pressure.
Resilient people never think of themselves as victims – they focus their time and energy on changing the things that they have control over.
How we view adversity and stress strongly affects how we succeed, and this is one of the most significant reasons that having a resilient mindset is so important.
The fact is that we're going to fail from time to time: it's an inevitable part of living that we make mistakes and occasionally fall flat on our faces. The only way to avoid this is to live a shuttered and meager existence, never trying anything new or taking a risk. Few of us want a life like that!
Why love makes you so silly, according to an expert
Chelsea Greenwood insider
The love shared by two people is a wonderful thing and it can often prompt individuals to act differently than normal.
Usually, acting silly because you're in love is harmless but, sometimes it can be destructive.
We spoke to a licensed psychotherapist for her insights into why love makes you silly, possible red flags, and ways to control your love-induced silly behavior.
Love is a wonderful thing. And, while love comes in many forms – the love of friends, family members, or humanity as a whole – the love that most people think of when they hear the word is the passionate, romantic kind, between two partners.
If you've ever been in a relationship, you know that when love hits your system it can cause you to act differently and, in many cases, downright silly. For some, it's a mild form of silliness, like skipping around, giggling, and acting giddy. For others, that silliness can manifest as a lack of common sense or judgment that leads one to act foolishly.
So why does this happen? We consulted Dr. Marni Feuerman, a licensed psychotherapist and author of the new book "Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships," for some answers on why exactly love makes you act like a silly goose.
Your body experiences physical changes when you fall in love
When people fall in love, they experience a surge of hormones and neurotransmitters that make them feel good, Dr. Feuerman told INSIDER.
"Such chemistry overrides our logical, rational thought," she says, which can lead you to doing things you might not otherwise.
These changes have a similar effect on our brains as drugs do
If you feel high around your crush, there's a physical reason for that, she said. "Science tells us that the chemical and hormonal changes are coded in our brains similar to addiction."
That leads you to wanting more and more of that person – sometimes to an extreme extent.
Being in love dampens our cognitive functioning
It can be hard to focus when you're in love.
Paramount Pictures
Have you ever been so in love with someone that you can't get them off your mind? You're not alone. "The feeling of being in love takes up a lot of mental space and even dampens our cognitive functioning – at least temporarily," she said.
"This certainly isn't good for our insight or judgment."
Sometimes, we mix up love and lust
While you might think you've fallen in love with your new partner, sometimes you might actually be feeling physical lust or infatuation. "The early stages of meeting someone whom we are attracted to and with which we have intense chemistry can trick us into thinking we are in love this early on," she said.
According to Harvard University, lust releases the hormones estrogen and testosterone, attraction releases dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine, and attachment releases oxytocin and vasopressin.
Though different, all three experiences can feel similar.
People who are younger, naive, and less experienced are more likely to act silly when in love
First time in a relationship? You're more likely to act out of sorts because of your love connection. The same goes for young and naive people, Dr. Feuerman said. "It is more likely to happen to those who are younger, less experienced with love and/or has a tendency to be naive in general." But she adds: "I think the silliness can happen to anyone at any time."
Silly behavior is more likely to happen at the beginning of the relationship
You'll likely feel less in control in the beginning of a relationship.
Acting silly is more likely at the start of a relationship when things are fresh because this is when we get the biggest chemical surge, she said. The more serious stuff comes next.
"For a relationship to survive, it has to get past this phase into a more stable and consistent phase," she said. "For this next phase to be successful, though, you should feel safe and secure within the relationship. You often do not feel this way in the beginning."
It's also more likely in romantic relationships than platonic relationships
Goofing off and having fun with your besties is definitely silly behavior, but it's not quite the same as the way you act when in love.
"People can still be silly in a platonic relationship but often not to the same degree as a romantic relationship," Dr. Feuerman said. "The neurochemistry isn't involved to interfere in a platonic relationship the way it does in a romantic relationship."
So, when you're around someone you're not in love – or lust – with, you tend to act more rational and grounded, she said.
While some love-induced silliness is harmless, it can sometimes be destructive
Over the years, Dr. Feuerman has seen examples of people tolerating awful behavior from their partners in the name of love, she said.
"For example, finding obvious signs of cheating but believing the ridiculous story or excuse that is spun [by the cheater]. I have also seen people get taken for a lot of money."
Certain red flags may indicate that your silly behavior is getting out of hand
Be sure to be aware of how you're being treated in your relationship.
Most of the time, being madly in love isn't a bad thing. But there are some exceptions.
"The only reason to be concerned is if the behaviors are damaging or you are being manipulated," she said. "It is also concerning if you take the serious step of engagement or marriage without being grounded about the relationship."
But you can guard against the effects of love-induced silliness to a certain extent
There are some ways to protect yourself from the effects of silliness in love. One strategy is to keep your good friends and family close and listen to their feedback about your behavior and relationship, Dr. Feuerman said.
"If they think you are being silly or stupid with a love interest, take a step back to thoughtfully reflect on what they are saying instead of jumping to defend. These people are not under love's spell the way you are."
從谷底反彈的能力
Developing Resilience: Overcoming and Growing from Setbacks
By the Mind Tools Content Team By the Mind Tools Content Team
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. – American inventor, Thomas Edison
According to legend, Thomas Edison made thousands of prototypes of the incandescent light bulb before he finally got it right. And, since the prolific inventor was awarded more than 1,000 patents, it's easy to imagine him failing on a daily basis in his lab at Menlo Park.
In spite of struggling with "failure" throughout his entire working life, Edison never let it get the best of him. All of these "failures," which are reported to be in the tens of thousands, simply showed him how not to invent something. His resilience gave the world some of the most amazing inventions of the early 20th century, such as the phonograph, the telegraph, and the motion picture.
It's hard to imagine what our world would be like if Edison had given up after his first few failures. His inspiring story forces us to look at our own lives – do we have the resilience that we need to overcome our challenges? Or do we let our failures derail our dreams? And what could we accomplish if we had the strength not to give up?
In this article, we'll examine resilience: what it is, why we need it, and how to develop it; so that we have the strength and fortitude to overcome adversity, and to keep on moving forward towards our dreams and our goals.
The Importance of Resilience
Resilience (or resiliency) is our ability to adapt and bounce back when things don't go as planned. Resilient people don't wallow or dwell on failures; they acknowledge the situation, learn from their mistakes, and then move forward.
According to the research of leading psychologist, Susan Kobasa, there are three elements that are essential to resilience:
Challenge – Resilient people view a difficulty as a challenge, not as a paralyzing event. They look at their failures and mistakes as lessons to be learned from, and as opportunities for growth. They don't view them as a negative reflection on their abilities or self-worth.
Commitment – Resilient people are committed to their lives and their goals, and they have a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning. Commitment isn't just restricted to their work – they commit to their relationships, their friendships, the causes they care about, and their religious or spiritual beliefs.
Personal Control – Resilient people spend their time and energy focusing on situations and events that they have control over. Because they put their efforts where they can have the most impact, they feel empowered and confident. Those who spend time worrying about uncontrollable events can often feel lost, helpless, and powerless to take action.
Another leading psychologist, Martin Seligman, says the way that we explain setbacks to ourselves is also important. (He talks in terms of optimism and pessimism rather than resilience, however, the effect is essentially the same.) This "explanatory style" is made up of three main elements:
Permanence – People who are optimistic (and therefore have more resilience) see the effects of bad events as temporary rather than permanent. For instance, they might say "My boss didn't like the work I did on that project" rather than "My boss never likes my work."
Pervasiveness – Resilient people don't let setbacks or bad events affect other unrelated areas of their lives. For instance, they would say "I'm not very good at this" rather than "I'm no good at anything."
Personalization – People who have resilience don't blame themselves when bad events occur. Instead, they see other people, or the circumstances, as the cause. For instance, they might say "I didn't get the support I needed to finish that project successfully," rather than "I messed that project up because I can't do my job."
In our Expert Interview with Dr. Cal Crow, the co-founder and Program Director of the Center for Learning Connections, Dr. Crow identified several further attributes that are common in resilient people:
Resilient people have a positive image of the future. That is, they maintain a positive outlook, and envision brighter days ahead.
Resilient people have solid goals, and a desire to achieve those goals.
Resilient people are empathetic and compassionate, however, they don't waste time worrying what others think of them. They maintain healthy relationships, but don't bow to peer pressure.
Resilient people never think of themselves as victims – they focus their time and energy on changing the things that they have control over.
How we view adversity and stress strongly affects how we succeed, and this is one of the most significant reasons that having a resilient mindset is so important.
The fact is that we're going to fail from time to time: it's an inevitable part of living that we make mistakes and occasionally fall flat on our faces. The only way to avoid this is to live a shuttered and meager existence, never trying anything new or taking a risk. Few of us want a life like that!
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