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為什麼別人越來越 不尊重你？
Are You Too Nice? Ways to Gain Appreciation & Respect
psychologytoday.com
Here’s a quick self-assessment quiz:
Do you have a hard time saying “no” to others’ requests, even when they’re unreasonable?
Do you often find yourself under-appreciated and taken for granted?
Do you believe you’re being taken advantage of at work or in your personal relationships?
Do you let people give you thankless tasks they don’t want to do themselves?
Do you often go along with what others say and want, even if you feel differently deep down?
Do your kindness and self-giving often go unreciprocated?
Are you afraid of being rejected if you don’t go along with certain people’s whims and demands?
Do you take care of others first and yourself last?
If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, you could be too nice, at least in certain areas of your life.
Distinguish Being Kind To People From Having To Do Things For Them
There are two ways to be nice: Being friendly and courteous to people, and doing things for them. We can practice the first with just about everyone, as long as they don’t violate our boundaries. As the saying goes, “A smile costs nothing but gives much.” While we’re courteous with people, we can at the same time be selective about what we want or don’t want to do for them. In communication we call this being soft on the person, and firm on the issue. Steve Jobs reminds us: “Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.” Distinguish being kind to people from having to do things for them. Choose your giving wisely.
Know How To Say “No” ― Gently But Firmly
To be able to say “no” gently but firmly is to practice the art of communication. Effectively articulated, it allows you to stand your ground while keeping the peace. In my book (click on title) “Are You Too Nice? How to Gain Appreciation and Respect (link is external),” I review seven different ways you can say “no,” to help lower resistance and keep the peace.
Know That You’re Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings
Sometimes we feel obligated to do things for others because we don’t want them to feel bad, even when it’s unreasonable for us to go out of our way. We may be so concerned about how others might react if they don’t get what they want that we submerge our own feelings to theirs. When done repeatedly, this facilitates a co-dependent relationship where other people’s happiness becomes your responsibility and burden.
Q:
Are you too nice?
What are the ways to gain appreciation & respect?
Do you often find yourself under-appreciated and taken for granted?
Do your kindness and self-giving often go unreciprocated?
Do you have a hard time saying “no” to others’ requests, even when they’re unreasonable?
What do you think the saying that “don’t expect anything in return”?
甚麼是成功的策略?
What are your Most Effective Strategies for Success Heidi Grant hbr.org
For years, I’ve been trying to convince people that success is not about who you are, but about what you do.
Roughly two years ago, I wrote about the “Nine Things Successful People Do Differently,” which became HBR’s most-read piece of content over that time span. It was a list of strategies, based on decades of scientific research, proven effective for setting and reaching challenging goals. I later expanded that post into a short e-book, explaining how you can make each one a habit. But how would readers know if they were doing enough of each “Thing”? (After all, we’re terrible judges of ourselves.) To help answer that question, last spring I created something I called the Nine Things Diagnostics — it’s a free, online set of questionnaires designed to measure your own use of each of the nine things in pursuit of your personal and professional goals.
I now have responses from over 30,000 people who’ve logged on and completed one or more of the Nine Things Diagnostics. The results are fascinating, and a bit surprising even to me. First, each of the Nine Things had a significant impact on success. (That actually didn’t surprise me, for obvious reasons.).
But which packed the biggest punch? To find out, I recently took a look at the responses of about 7,000 people who had completed every Nine Things Diagnostic, along with a brief measure of how successful they felt they had been in reaching their own goals in the past.
In order of effect magnitude, the most impactful strategies were:
Have Grit — Persistence over the long haul is key
Know Exactly How Far You Have Left to Go — Monitor your progress
Get Specific — Have a crystal-clear idea of exactly what success will look like
Seize the Moment to Act on Your Goals — Know in advance what you will do, and when and where you will do it
Focus on What You Will Do, Not What You Won’t Do — Instead of focusing on bad habits, it’s more effective to replace them with better ones.
Build your Willpower Muscle — If you don’t have enough willpower, you can get more using it.
Focus on Getting Better, Rather than Being Good — Think about your goals as opportunities to improve, rather than to prove yourself
Be a Realistic Optimist — Visualize how you will make success happen by overcoming obstacles
Don’t Tempt Fate — No one has willpower all the time, so don’t push your luck
Q:
What are your most effective strategies for success?
How to pursuit of your personal and professional goals?
What do think about having grit?
Do you focus on what you will do?
Are you an optimist?
How to overcoming obstacles?
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