板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)
精神出軌?
Signs You're Having an Emotional Affair
By Marni Feuerman
If you are not quite sure if you are having an emotional affair, here are nine signs that indicate you probably are:
Frequent contact when you are not together. You frequently communicate with this person and at questionable hours. You devote a lot of time texting, emailing, or video calling this person.
You discuss very personal topics, such as the problems in your current relationship. You share all or most of your problems and concerns with this person. As you do this, you also grow more discontent with your spouse.
This person takes over your thoughts. You think about him or her constantly. This person is on your mind when you wake up in the morning, when you go to sleep at night, and a lot of time in between. You have this person in mind when you are getting dressed, hoping he or she will notice your appearance.
You spend a lot of time together. You find excuses or create reasons to spend time with him or her.
He or she becomes the first person you want to call with any “news.” You have some exciting news to share or you have had a bad day and this is the person whom you call. You may not be sharing much at all with your spouse anymore.
You believe this person really “gets” you. You start to feel like he or she really understands you, even better than your spouse.
You start to lie or keep secrets. This usually entails lying by omission. If you purposely do not tell your spouse about your talks, meetings, lunches, texts and phone calls, alarm bells should be ringing! Are you deleting messages from your phone or do you deny the communication you have with him/her when asked? If you are hiding things or lying when you know deep down that the behavior is not okay. Would you be mortified if your spouse heard a taped conversation between you two?
You frequently compare your spouse to him or her. You may get angry with your spouse for not doing things like the other person does. You start to idealize this person while your partner begins to look worse in your eyes. You may find yourself being more critical of your spouse. This is sure to create a good guy/bad guy dynamic between these two people.
Your spouse gets less of you while your special person gets more. Whether it is less communication, affection, your thoughts, or your innermost world, your time and focus are taken from your partner and transferred to this other person.
毒舌 會留傷害嗎?
Does a sharp tongue leave lasting wounds?
dormgrandpop.blogspot.
Does every family gathering include one: An individual who seems to take pleasure in using his or her sharp tongue as a rapier to wound others, with particular attention directed at those closest to them? For some unbeknownst reason, in my family, I seem to be the favorite object of one such individual’s thrusts, which are often struck at my most unguarded moments, not infrequently with other friends and relatives present to serve as an embarrassed audience.
In yesterday’s instance the cut was evoked by my offer to drive to an event for which we were late (My habit of driving the speed limit, unless really pressed, is a source of some amusement, especially among younger family members) But the object of scorn can be almost anything. It is the frequency of the rapier thrusts and the skill with which they seek out vulnerable targets, rather than any specific theme that is an ever-present reality. My natural response is to give such an individual a wide birth and to keep defenses up when we are together. But this is hardly basis for a healthy familial relationship. Another is to respond in kind, escalating an offhand insult into a full blown conflict over nothing very substantial. This, too, seems counterproductive.
In an unguarded moment, my relative once provided insight why sarcasm, contemptuous asides and not-so-veiled insults are such a routine element in her discourse, especially with those who are – or seek to be – close to her. He was not referring to himself, but the words rang true. “I guess it is a defense mechanism,” he said. “People use sarcasm as a defense mechanism to cover up vulnerability, to hide what they are feeling and to keep people from getting too close to them.”
So “does a sharp tongue leave lasting wounds?” To be fully armored against the wounds of my relative’s tongue, though I know his insults have little to do with real shortcomings, seems impossible. If fact to go through life perpetually armored (even if that were possible) must be unhealthy. But over time, with practice, reflection and counseling, I have come to recognize that only the most blatant attacks need evoke any response at all.
Perhaps only a saint could live his or her life fully according to the Apostle Paul’s admonition in his first letter to the Christians of Corinth: “Love… is not easily angered [and] keeps no record of wrongs.”
I am no saint, but I have learned that keeping a record of wrongs is harmful to mind, body and soul. Sometimes, my relative’s sharp tongue will inflict its intended wounds, but I can choose not to have the wounds be lasting.
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