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假裝成真
假裝成真
When to Fake It Till You Make It (and When You Shouldn't)
Source: wrangler/Shutterstock
One day, a client came to see me because she felt socially awkward. She knew that her inability to make small talk was holding her back both personally and professionally. As a shy person, she hated going to networking events. But making connections was vital to her career.
I asked, "What do you usually do when you go to a networking event?" She said, "I stand awkwardly off to the side and wait to see if anyone will come talk to me." I asked her, "What would you do differently if you felt confident?" and she said, "I'd initiate conversation and introduce myself to people."
Right then and there, she discovered the solution to her problem: If she wanted to feel more confident, she had to act more confident. That wasn't quite what she wanted to hear. She'd hoped for a solution that would immediately make her feel more confident. But the key to becoming more comfortable in social situations is practice.
Her instinct was to wait until she felt more confident, but that confidence wasn't going to magically appear out of thin air—especially if she was standing around by herself. However, if she started talking to people like a confident person, she'd have an opportunity to experience successful social interactions, and each of these would boost her confidence.
Acting "As If"
Acting "as if" is a common prescription in psychotherapy. It's based on the idea that if you behave like the person you want to become, you'll become like this in reality:
If you want to feel happier, do what happy people do—smile.
If you want to get more work done, act as if you are a productive person.
If you want to have more friends, behave like a friendly person.
If you want to improve your relationship, practice being a good partner.
Too often we hesitate to spring into action. Instead, we wait until everything feels just right or until we think we're ready. But research shows that changing your behavior first can change the way you think and feel.
The Biggest Mistake Most People Make
Faking it until you make it only works when you correctly identify something within yourself that's holding you back. Behaving like the person you want to become is about changing the way you feel and the way you think.
If your motives are to prove your worth to other people, however, your efforts won't be successful, and research shows that this approach actually backfires. A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that people who tried to prove their worth to others were more likely to dwell on their shortcomings. Ambitious professionals who wore luxury clothing in an effort to appear successful, and MBA students who wore Rolex watches to increase their self-worth just ended up feeling like bigger failures.
改變世界 首先改變自己!
改變世界 首先改變自己!
Visualize your changed future. wiki
Visualize your changed future. Visualization is a kind of mental rehearsal that can help you imagine a different situation. You can have an abstract visualization (all in your head) or a more concrete expression of your visualization, like a collection of images that represent what you’re working towards. Effective visualization can help you determine specifics about what you’re working toward and can help you hone your goals. Further, visualization can help you develop a sense of control over a situation or over your life. To visualize your changed future:
Close your eyes.
Picture your ideal future self. Where are you? What are you doing? How is your situation different? What do you look like? What specific things about your changed life are making you feel happy?
Allow yourself to picture and explore very specific details of your ideal life. What does it look like? Try to conjure specific sights/sounds/smells/tastes. Concrete details will make your visualization more real.
Use this positive visualization to help you set goals for how to achieve that vision of your life.
If I had only changed myself first written on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop
When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world.
As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable.
As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
And now, as I lie on my death bed, I suddenly realize:
If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have even changed the world.
當我年輕的時候，我的想象力從沒有受到過局限，我夢想改變全世界。
當我長大後，我發現我不能改變這個世界，所以我將目標縮短了一些，決定只改變我的國家。
當我進入暮年後，我又發現我要改變國家真的不簡單，我最後決定我只想改變我的家庭。但是，這居然也不可能。
當我躺在牀上，臨終之前、我突然意識到： 如果一開始我僅僅去改變我自己，然後作爲一個榜樣，我可能改變我的家庭；在家人的幫助和鼓勵下，我可能爲國家做一些事情。然後誰知道呢？我甚至可能改變這個世界。
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