周五 (3/5) 1. 為何失敗? 2.為何偶像重要?

  新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 --- 板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)
聚會時間:   PM 7:00--9:30

為何失敗?
The Reasons We Fail in Life (And How to Change That)
Steve Mueller planetofsuccess
 
1. Lack of self-discipline
 
Success requires discipline. As such, exerting self-control over yourself is a central requirement for being successful. If you lack self-discipline, you’re more likely to give up too quickly when problems arise. Similarly, a lack of discipline makes you more likely to give in to short-term temptations that lead you nowhere. If you’re undisciplined, you see no reason in making sacrifices today in order to prosper tomorrow.
 
However, if you’re disciplined, avoiding temptations and distractions will be much easier for you. Self-control helps you be focused on the aims you pursue, even if that means temporal sacrifice, suffering and abstaining from temptations. In fact, you will see these temptations and distractions as what they truly are: Obstacles on the road to success.
 
How to overcome a lack of self-discipline?
 
The big problem with self-discipline is that it needs to be developed. Most people falsely assume some are born with it and others not. It’s a fatal belief. In actuality, laziness and a lack of inner strength are two major factors that prevent many from developing self-discipline. But how should we ever develop discipline, if we continue to avoid doing difficult things which require us to be persistent, strong-willed and determined?
 
Work on developing and increasing your self-discipline gradually. You can develop more self-discipline for instance by:
 
    Increasing your stress tolerance levels.
    Meditating.
    Removing distractions.
    Breaking bad habits.
    Postponing unbeneficial behaviors.
    Making plans and rewarding yourself for accomplishing your goals.
    Tolerating a higher level of emotional discomfort.
    Exercising regularly.
 
Let’s continue with the second reason why people fail in life.
2. Lack of persistence
 
You can be talented and intelligent. But if you don’t combine these two with persistence, you’ll fail eventually. A lack of persistence is a great obstacle to success. There are so many incredibly talented and gifted people who fail time and time again because they rely too much on their talents. They are not willing to persist until they’ve completely mastered what they’re doing. Instead, they quit when the going gets tough.
 
If you think that a lack of persistence is causing your failures, find ways to stop giving up too quickly. While it’s certainly true that persisting when you’re stuck in a dead end will lead you nowhere, persistence is all about finding new approaches and making adjustments. Persist when you’re confronted with difficulties and problems. Continue fighting for the accomplishment of your dreams, even if it’s uncomfortable. And just because you’re stuck in a dead end does not mean that there are no other ways to reach your goals.
3. Unwillingness to swim against the current
 
It’s always easier to swim with the flow. But it will lead you where everyone else goes. It will only give you the same results everyone else accomplishes. Society is designed to make you swim with the current, even if you’re not good at it. It puts a great number of obstacles in the path of those who seek to strive for their own greatness by going against the current. People simply feel threatened by those who challenge prevailing opinions. At the same time, however, society greatly rewards many of those who successfully managed to go against the stream. Without these individuals, there would be no airplanes, electricity and computers.
 
Have the courage to meet decisions that go against existing opinions. Swim against the current if it’s in your nature to do so. Pursue those activities that align with your innate strengths and talents.
 
4. Lack of planning
 
If you don’t have a proper plan, you are less likely to succeed in life. It doesn’t matter if the plan is imperfect or if things are not going to work out exactly as planned. All that matters is that you have a plan. It will help you to steer all your actions in one direction. Without a clear plan, you’ll most likely go left, right, forwards and backwards, but you’ll never come closer to your goals. The importance of planning is supported by scientific research which highlighted that entrepreneurs are less likely to fail if they created a plan.
 
Develop attainable, measurable, specific and time-bound plans. Carefully think things through before you start pursuing a specific goal. Create plans on what to do next and how to respond when confronted with problems. Update your plans regularly and make adjustments if necessary.
5. Fear of failure
 
Being afraid of failure paralyzes us. It makes us reluctant to seize rewarding opportunities. We fear failure, which is why we don’t even try. But isn’t that the greatest failure of all? Isn’t not trying worse than failing?
 
    “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”
    Robert F. Kennedy
 
Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid of not having the courage to try. It’s important to realize that the fear of failure is a major obstacle on the road to success. By overcoming it you can take an important step in the right direction. Progress can only be accomplished by taking one step after the other. It doesn’t matter if you slip here and there. All that matters is that you get back up and continue walking.
 
Don’t see failure as something that is designed to punish you. Instead, use the lessons you’ve learned from all your failures to pursue your dreams with even greater determination.
6. Wanting too much too quickly
 
A great number of people dream of accomplishing the greatest things. They set themselves incredibly challenging goals, but are quickly intimidated once they realize how high the mountain they’re standing in front rises into the sky. Consequently, they quickly become discouraged because of a lack of results. These are the people that (figuratively) hike for an hour, only to realize that the distance to the mountaintop hasn’t become shorter, which is why they give up.
 
There’s no problem with aiming high and dreaming big. In some cases, you might be setting yourself up for a long and hard fall by aiming too high. But in general, it will encourage you to try hard and to strive for greatness. The real problem lies in aiming high without considering the dedication, effort and work it takes each day to come anywhere close to your goals. In line with this thinking, it’s a massive problem if we shoot for the stars, without thinking about developing a proper means of transportation that will get us there.
 
It’s a human tendency to seek instant results. For this reason, break your goals down to avoid becoming discouraged too quickly. If you set major and minor milestones on your path to the mountaintop, you keep your motivation at a high level during the whole journey.
7. Lack of belief in yourself
 
Intelligence and talent are not necessarily what separates successful people from unsuccessful ones. The major difference lies in the fact that successful individuals believe in themselves. They believe that they can accomplish the goals they set themselves. They believe in their ability to find solutions to the challenges they are confronted with. Their strong belief in the capacity to figure things out as they progress encourages them to seize opportunities that seem initially too big to tackle for them. Successful people understand that nothing will work for them if they are not absolutely convinced of it.
 
While unsuccessful people seek for reasons why things are not working for them, successful ones have the necessary determination to make things work for them. It’s therefore of the upmost importance to realize how essential it is to believe in what you do. If you believe in yourself, you will be less likely to give up prematurely. Instead, your conviction will fuel you to keep searching for a solution until you finally find one.
 

為何偶像重要?
5 Reasons You Need A Role Model - REVA University
 
Having a role model is extremely important to have a positive influence on your outlook tow和ards life. Your role model will be your motivation and it doesn’t matter whether your role model is a writer, poet, scientist, politician, sportsman or your parents. A role model in life also promotes us to lead the life in the same standard as they do and will also push us to work harder for our aim and become successful. These are the five crucial reasons why you need a role model:
 
Know about the personality traits of a successful person
 
The term ‘success’ has a certain subjectivity attached to it. So, if you consider someone your role model, it essentially means that the person has done something successful according to you. The achievements of your role model could be a win at the Olympics or the actor of an award-winning television series. By knowing about how your role model achieved their goals, if you have a similar target to achieve, it will be convenient for you to follow their footsteps.
 
Learn how to overcome adversity
 
Everyone in life faces obstacles at some point or the other. Successful people also have had their share of hurdles that they had to overcome. A role model teaches you how never to give up and how to deal with any future setbacks in your course of the journey to success.
 
Everyone makes mistakes
 
Yes, we are all humans and we tend to make mistakes here and there. Even your role model must have committed a mistake at some point of his or her life. However, our role models never got disappointed with their mistakes, rather, their mistakes taught them life lessons.
 
Be the best version of yourself
 
You get to learn plenty from your role models. This also helps you in persevering your goals and at the same time, advancing your skills as well as improving your personality. So, make the best use of their accomplishments as your guide to better yourself so that you can become someone else’s role model.
 
Setting higher aims
 
When you follow the principles of your role model who has faced hardships to become successful, you tend to motivate yourself to become like him or her. By following your role model’s principles, you will eventually become confident yourself and feel stimulated. The positive influence of role models also encourages you to set bigger goals in life.
 
A role model in your life is always a good idea to inspire yourself to achieve the zenith of success. Having a role model in life can help you improve your life and the attitude towards it. Emulating a person’s actions and values will serve as a guiding light for you when you have bigger goals to achieve in life. The teachings of your role model will also motivate you to spread their message and successful journey with others. Hence, you will be able to inspire others around you to lead a better life.

PM7:00   --9:30

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周五 (2/26) 1. 過有意義的生活 2.有希望 一定能成功

 新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 --- 板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

PM7:00   --9:30

過有意義的生活
Make Your Life More Meaningful - 9 Ways to Add Meaning and Significance to Your Life
by Marelisa
 
So, what is a meaningful life? According to a paper published in 2016 in the Review of General Psychology, a meaningful life contains three features:
 
    Purpose – having and trying to achieve life goals which you consider to be important and of significance.
    Comprehension – Making sense of the events that have taken place in your life and noticing how they weave into a coherent whole.
    Mattering – the belief that your existence is valuable.
 
That is, a meaningful life has purpose, coherence, and significance. Below you’ll find 9 ways to make your life more meaningful.
1. Make Your Life More Meaningful By Having a Purpose
 
As you can see from the three features of a meaningful life that I listed in this post’s introduction, you should strive to live a life on purpose. Emily Esfahani Smith, author of The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness, explains that to find your purpose you should do the following:
 
    Begin by identifying your strengths.
    Then, look for ways to use your strengths in a way that will serve and benefit others.
 
People with a meaningful life can answer this question: “What’s your purpose?” If you currently feel that you don’t have a purpose, get to work on finding one. Your life will immediately become more meaningful.
2. Reframe How You See Your Job/Occupation
 
In the Massive Open Online Course, “Science of Success: What Researchers Know that You Should Know“, Paula J. Caproni, Ph.D., explains that getting results at work isn’t enough. She adds that the years that you spend working will be much better spent if you believe that the work that you do matters.
 
Caproni indicates that researchers have found that when we’re engaged in what we believe to be meaningful work, all of the following happens:
 
    We take greater pride in our work.
    We feel more responsibility for work outcomes.
    We are better able to handle stress.
    We’re more likely to stay motivated.
 
If you currently don’t find your job meaningful, then look for ways to reframe how you see your job or occupation. Think of the well-known story of the NASA janitor. In 1962, then-President John F. Kennedy was visiting the NASA Space Center. He noticed a janitor sweeping the hallway and asked him, “What are you doing?”
 
The janitor responded as follows: “Well, Mr. President, I’m helping to put a man on the moon.” He wasn’t just cleaning, or earning a paycheck. Instead, this janitor saw himself as someone who was playing a role in the grand vision of sending a man to the moon.
 
I remember when I worked for the Panama Canal Authority (PCA)—the agency that began running the canal after the US transferred it to Panama in the year 2000—I felt that I was doing something meaningful. This is how I framed my job at the PCA:
 
    I was helping to prove that Panamanians could run the canal as well as, or even better than, the US could.
    In addition, I was helping to take care of Panama’s patrimony for future generations.
 
Stop for a moment and think of your current job or occupation. Then, ask yourself how you can think of it in a way that will make you feel that what you’re doing has meaning.
3. Choose Your Friends Wisely
 
Of course, our sense of self-worth should come from ourselves. However, human beings are social creatures, and how we feel about ourselves is often impacted by the way in which others treat us. Therefore, to make your life more meaningful, look to surround yourself with people who make you feel that you matter.
 
Cultivate relationships with those who value who you are.
4. Find a Balance Between Seeking Happiness and Meaning
 
A lot of the time it seems as if there’s a trade-off between seeking happiness and seeking meaning. After all, happiness often involves doing things that make you feel good in the moment. For example, going dancing; getting a massage; or buying yourself a new tech gadget.
 
On the other hand, meaningful activities usually involve making sacrifices. Some examples include the following: carrying boxes all weekend as you help your friend to move; studying hard to become a doctor; or saving to be able to pay for an important goal.
 
Notice that meaningful activities often involve effort and toil. However, meaning allows us to transcend those moments of hardship because we know that we’re pursuing something bigger:
 
    Strengthening our friendships;
    Gaining the ability to save lives; or
    Savoring the satisfaction of achieving an important goal.
 
A life that is only about pursuing hedonic happiness is ultimately an unfulfilling life. At the same time, a life that is solely about pursuing meaning—while neglecting the present moment—can be an unnecessarily austere life.
 
The key is to find that sweet spot between enjoying the present moment—which is often described as happiness–, and pushing on to achieve an important goal, in spite of the discomfort that it may entail, which is meaning.
 
有希望 一定能成功
 Where There is a Will There is a Way   toppr.com
 
Where there is a will there is a way is one of the most used proverbs to date. This proverb has a lot of meaning when we come to think of it. Its essential meaning is that if you set your mind to do something, you can easily do it. In other words, it shows us the importance of will power and how it can bring a change in someone’s life. Will power is the desire to achieve something. If you have the will power to do something, then nothing can stop you from doing so. This proverb is equally applicable in almost all aspects of life. Similarly, it holds utmost importance in various ways.
 
Where There’s A Will There’s A Way! You Can Make Your Success Happen!
Heidi Gottlieb
 
I grew up hearing my Mom often saying, “Where there’s a Will, there’s a way”. I’ve passed that expression onto my own kids, and I’m pretty sure they’ll pass it down to their kids when they have them. I was saying those words before I even really thought about them or knew what they meant. We hear about will often, but we don’t think too much about what that is; it’s the power of control the mind has over its actions. The irony about those words, “Where there’s a Will, there’s a way”, is after I got to be old enough to understand them, I realized that as empowering as they were then…as they are now, and as they can be to whomever I say them to, is what ultimately you choose to do with those words.
 
As frequent as my Mom expressed what seemed like that childhood mantra to me, it didn’t seem to fuel her the way it has fueled me. It is in the end, like everything else in life-what we do with what we been given. Regardless of the fact that my Mom continually repeated those amazing words, she may not have embraced them in the same way. She did me the tremendous favor however of sharing those words.
 
Having the concept of “Where there’s a Will, there’s a way” in my mind has gotten me through some very trying times. Your thoughts determine your actions, which determines your outcomes. This is why it’s so important for us to think positive thoughts about ourselves. If you notice yourself thinking negative thoughts, it’s essential that you let go of those thoughts and replace them with empowering positive thoughts. You need to think of yourself as a winner, your doing this has a snowball effect. Once you tell yourself the possibility of life and the pursuit of happiness, you will attract other positive people with positive thoughts and the percentage of positive things is more likely to occur.
 
We have choices in life. Yes, things do happen, but there are ways to look at things. Why not choose to think that things will turn out to the better side because you possess the ability to make it happen?
 
“Those who say things can’t be done should get out of the way of those who are doing it”
 
Here’s a kick-starter to begin getting your Will going:
 
    I can do it
    I know there is a solution
    I am smart enough and strong enough to figure this out
    I know what I’m talking about
    It doesn’t matter if I fail – what matters is that I TRY
    I am loveable and capable
    I create anything I want
    I am able to solve any problem that comes my way
    I can handle anything that life hands me
    I have all the energy I need to do everything I want to do
    I am attracting all the right people into my life
    I see all the possibilities in my life
    I release myself from anger
    I choose to see each obstacle as an opportunity to grow
    I make a difference in the world
 

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周六(10/2)1.日本式尋找生命意義 2.快樂由心

 板橋區文化路段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮院  左轉     PM7:30--9:30

週六早上10:10---12:00 新聚會 

中文暨英文讀書會

歡迎參加 (主題文章現場分發)

今天早談 ---1. 人際關係--相處之道 2. 生活酸檸檬

晚上7:30---9:30 兩篇文章在此 請參考

https://www.marieclaire.co.uk/life/ikigai-japanese-philosophy-531307

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/happiness/how-you-change-when-happiness-comes-from-within/

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周五 (2/5) 1.渣男/愛的老鼠 2.女人愛花? /櫻花季

 新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 --- 板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

PM7:00   --9:30

渣男/愛的老鼠
How to catch a love rat
Mirror standardmedia
 
Of course, betrayals of the heart don’t just happen in celebland. Research suggests a shocking 30% of men cheat on their partners at some point.
 
But how can you tell if your man is straying? Arm yourself with this ­valuable information about the signs to watch out for...
 
The gift of intuition
 
If you’re suspicious but you can’t put your finger on specifics, your intuition is at work. Think of it ­as your sixth sense picking up a general vibe that something is different.
 
Author Allan Pease says: “When a person gets a new love interest on the side, the ­increased hormonal activity in the brain causes ­behavioral changes. These may ­include subtle changes to habits or ­creating new habits.”
 
Unless you have a history of jealousy you should trust this ­instinct. ­However, it could be something other than infidelity ­troubling him, so use ­intuition as a guide while ­considering other signs.
 
    READ MORE
    1. Tips on how to build your confidence after a breakup
    2. 'I married again but I'm still in love with my teen sweetheart'
    3. Girl code: Listen, don’t turn your home into a prison
    4. Confessions: I got a scholarship to study abroad, should I leave my wife behind?
 
Listen
 
We are naturally tuned in to our ­partner’s way of ­speaking. So a good starting point is to listen very carefully to what he says.
 
He may mention going to new places for lunch, or drop an unfamiliar woman’s name into conversations.
 
Cheats will mention their secret lover as a reverse-psychology ploy to make their behavior sound ­innocent.
 
As he’s speaking, listen for the overload of detail. You’ll know from his normal speech patterns if suddenly he gives all sorts of information he wouldn’t normally when ­describing his day. Retain as much detail as possible ­as cheaters are often caught because they contradict their stories – they can’t remember the details they’ve given.
 
The voice speaks the truth
 
You’ll be used to the normal way he sounds ­compared to under ­pressure. Listen for vocal changes, including ­attempts to keep his voice stable. Some men develop a monotone when lying. Vocal chords ­constrict ­under ­pressure, so be aware of a rising pitch.
 
Have a big conversation
 
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You’re probably dying to have a go at him but that will fail to get the right response. ­Instead, plan your big “chat” and challenge him when he least expects it.
 
Timing is ­everything and body language expert Judi James says: “Liars tend to perform at their worst when ­accused out of the blue.
 
“Never make ­accusations over the phone and ­always ensure he’s facing you.”
 
If they ask you ­questions about why you are ­challenging them, it ­may signal that they’re trying to deflect attention away from themselves.
 
Body language
 
Judi notes: “A practiced liar may not squirm in their chair but watch for other signs of anxiety such as tell-tale foot or finger tapping or hand wringing as they answer your questions. Lying places the brain under pressure.
 
“The liar will have to suppress an honest response before acting out their ‘lie response’.
 
“Under pressure we tend to ­overact, and often gesticulate too much – the body language version of verbal ­diarrhoea.
 
“Knowing your partner well you should spot ­differences in behavior, which suggests lying.”
 
Research finds a liar might make eye contact for longer than is natural so beware of the “puppy dog eyes” look from him.
 
Notice whether he ­covers his mouth when he is speaking or crosses his arms over his chest when he answers – these are both ­defensive gestures.
 
New interests
 
There are many other key signs of cheating, such as an unexplained interest in updating his wardrobe, styling his hair and getting fitter. When first in love/lust you want to look your best. It’s no different for a man having an affair.
 
Or he might ­suddenly take an ­interest in learning a new hobby when ­previously he wasn’t interested.
 
Subtle changes
 
Their behavior may change despite them wanting things to appear the same. Pease says: “Look for ­changes in behavior that have been part of your life as a couple, like if a man starts ­doing his own washing, or locks drawers.
 
“Don’t ignore changes in sexual ­behavior, such as subtle changes in regularity or style of doing the ­horizontal hula – they want to try things they’ve never done with you before.”
 
They may try justifying ­coming home late with excuses of new ­working hours. And technology has also changed our relationships and can provide clues.
 
Pease adds: “Your partner starts preferring to email you rather than ring. And when they ring conversations are kept short, end abruptly, or they use a barely audible voice – all signs that someone else may be present.
 
“Or they start constantly going online, checking emails, and if you approach suddenly close the computer window. Also his phone is never left lying around anymore and their computer or phone has new passwords.”
 
What next?
 
When you do challenge him, Judi warns: “It’s possible to take a false reading, known as the Othello Error.
 
“This is where a partner can look, sound and act in a way that suggests guilt when they’re merely showing the symptoms of ­someone that’s ­innocent but having problems being accused.”
 
Make sure you weigh the evidence up before deciding if he’s a cheat or behaving differently due to a reason like stress at work.
 

女人愛花? /櫻花季
Why Do Women Like Flowers? - Fig & Bloom
Sounds like a loaded question, doesn’t it?
 
Well, that’s because it is. Honestly, women like flowers for a number of reasons. Whether they simply like the colours of each individual flower or they like the various types of nature that flowers attract from the world. There are a number of reasons why women like flowers but we thought we would start with a few reasons why we believe women like flowers in hopes of giving you a bit more insight.
“Pointlessness” Is Romantic
 
“What’s the point of paying all this money for something that’s just going to die in a few days?” Don’t worry, if you’re someone who thinks flowers are pointless, you’re not alone. The irony here is that’s the part that women actually love about flowers. Though the idea of love is infinite, the gesture of giving a woman flowers is ephemeral and exciting. Even though it may seem to you that the money you just spent on those flowers will eventually go to waste, the feeling that you give that woman when you give her flowers will last much longer and the smile you put on her face when you surprise her with them will be of much more value.
 
Femininity
 
There’s something about flowers that can also be quite representative of a woman’s beauty. While they can appear to be particularly delicate, they are also fully capable of showing you their edgy side, as well. And, while it can be hard to tell each apart from a distance, the closer you get the abler you are to see their distinct beauty, individuality and everything else that completely separates them from the rest of the crowd. Each has their own particular description, representation, and necessities for care, but a little tender, love, and genuine care will always go a long way.
Romantic Nature
 
Flowers are romantic. Period. Flowers are an inherently romantic gift and they’ve been that way since the beginning of time. Their fragrance and association with beauty and love make them the ideal gift if you are ever in the need for a way to show your affection for someone. Here’s the other thing; whether you are giving a woman an entire bouquet of her favourite flowers or you’re simply surprising her with a single rose on your first date, the sentiment is a no-fail romantic option and since flowers can sometimes be “too feminine” for a masculine purchase, when you show a woman that you’re not afraid to walk around with her favourite flower in-hand will also separate you from almost anyone she’s ever met prior to meeting you.
They’re Special, Just Like Them
 
Women are special. Which means they deserve special things. When a woman gets a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to her workplace, it’s almost like she has the spotlight on her for the day and, quite frankly, that’s how they should feel everyday. Or, if you decide to surprise her with a bundle of flowers waiting at her doorstep for her arrival at home, each person that passes her door will instantly know that she has someone that cares deeply and passionately for her. So, whether you want to brighten up her day at work, give her something new to decorate her home with, or you just simply want to remind her how much you care for her, there’s only one thing to do…
Significance of Sakura: Cherry Blossom Traditions in Japan
 
Spring has arrived! The cherry trees are starting to bloom again around the National Mall and Potomac Park in Washington, D.C. In Japan, cherry blossoms are called sakura, a special flower for the people and the country.
 
Cherry blossoms are a symbolic flower of the spring, a time of renewal, and the fleeting nature of life. Their life is very short. After their beauty peaks around two weeks, the blossoms start to fall.
 
During this season in Japan, people like to have cherry blossom parties with colleagues, friends, and family. A cherry blossom makes people merry. They enjoy eating, drinking, and barbecuing underneath the cherry blossoms. We call this custom hanami. Hanami literally means “watching blossoms,” and the tradition can be traced back at least a thousand years. We bring cooked meals, alcohol, snacks, and sweets, like a potluck party. Schools and offices hold welcome parties during hanami, a chance for people to bond and meet new friends.
 
Even at night, viewing spots are crowded with people enjoying the blossoms in a beautiful, romantic atmosphere. Couples go at night to enjoy the special mood created by cherry blossoms. Hanami at night is called yozakur
 
 

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周六(1/30)1.帶你成功的想法2.幸福國度的秘密?

 板橋區文化路段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮院  左轉     PM7:30--9:30

帶你成功的想法

15 Thoughts That Will Lead You To Success - I AM JOEL BROWN

Published by Joel Brown
 
Success is a very complex phenomenon that cannot be summed up in a few sentences. To achieve success you must strive very hard to meet your goals, and that requires big ideas and an indeterminate will to execute them. If you were to ask any successful person or motivational coach about how to achieve success, then their first piece of advice would most probably be to “think positively.”
 
Positive thoughts are the key to making your dreams and goals come true. Nevertheless, thinking positively is more about you and your abilities, rather than the goals or the processes required to achieve them.
 
Oftentimes, we put a limit on our dreams due to fear or lack of confidence in our abilities.
 
Positive thoughts can help us break those challenges and attain success. Here are 15 thoughts that will lead you to success:
 
Life is very precious and can take the turn for the worse at any moment. Once you get this idea into your mind, you’ll stop procrastinating and put all your ideas into motion.
 
If you live like today is your last day on the planet, then you will gain a renewed sense of appreciation for everything around you. With this appreciation in mind, you’ll start planning things in advance, work harder and act wisely. This is the ultimate motivation you can give yourself to reach the next level of success.
 
Work is not a chore that you have to do for money. It is something that you do because you love it and would like to make difference in this world. Some of the most successful people didn’t work because they’d have to, but because they wanted to.
 
Only work on things that interest you; this way, you will make sure that you will work harder and smarter.
 
Success is not handed to you on a platter. It takes time, effort and dedication to achieve success. Staying committed to your goals even in the face of many challenges is very important.
 
Recognize the importance of perseverance and always stay committed, even when the going gets tough.
 
An idea isn’t the only essential factor to achieve success. If you don’t have passion towards what you’re doing, then you’re bound to give it up in the long-term. Passion fuels your desire to work during the hard times, and then it carries you over to an altogether different level of success.
 
Without passion towards what you’re doing, achieving success would be very hard.
 
You don’t need to follow other successful people to be successful yourself. Individuality is a key factor to make sure that you are satisfied with your work and are happy in your life. Don’t be afraid to be different; some of the best ideas were initially frowned upon by many people.
 
It takes courage and determination to stand out from the crowd and try something new.
 
Ordinary people are comfortable with ordinary choices and goals. However, successful people yearn for something extraordinary, and won’t settle until they have achieved that.
 
There is always a way to go beyond what you think is possible, and once you realize this, there will be nothing that can stop you in your endeavors.
 
This is such a common positive thinking strategy that is almost a cliché now. However, thinking outside the box doesn’t just mean coming up with weird quirky ideas.
 
The ideas should be innovative and practical. Brainstorm your ideas with others, discuss them loudly, assimilate knowledge, and engage with people outside your professional zone.
 
There is always a better way of doing something.
 
You shouldn’t measure your accomplishments based on standards set by others. The moment you judge yourself based on others’ standards, you let them dictate your life, rather than you dictating yours.
 
Strive to satisfy yourself instead of someone else, and you’ll be happy for the rest of your life.
 
Sometimes, too much of time is wasted in thinking about things that you really like to do. If you genuinely like something, then just do it without any hesitation. Even if you are not sure whether you like something, it is easier to know whether you like it or not when you try it out.
 
Every person on this planet has the same amount time as everyone else, and still many think that there is not enough of it. The problem lies not with the time, but how you perceive and manage it. Make a schedule and take out time for things you’d like to achieve.
 
Successful people don’t go around asking people for time, they make use of it.
 
Even despite your best efforts, you cannot control other people in your life. You are the master of only yourself. Concentrate on how you can influence the outcome of your work, rather than how someone else isn’t doing what they are supposed to do.
 
It’s not your fault when someone disappoints you or holds you back.
 
Opportunities are never lost. There are endless opportunities waiting for you right now, and all you have to do is go and pick them up.
 
Even if you miss one opportunity, there is always another waiting right behind it. Waiting for the right opportunity to come knocking on your door will get you nowhere.
 
While failure is definitely not a desired outcome, it is still a part of your success. Many successful people have failed a lot of times in their lives, and that is one of the main reasons why they’re successful today.
 
Embrace failures and learn from them. Only when you stay positive during failures can you rise up to success tomorrow.
 
Letting go of an idea or a goal can be very painful at times, especially if you have invested a lot of effort and time into it. However, you have to learn to let go to be successful.
 
No matter how great an idea is, or how desirable a goal or dream is, you have to give them up if they are not feasible. Being adaptable in your thoughts is essential to ensure success.
 
No matter what you do, you can always make a difference and leave a legacy behind. No idea or work is small enough to be unimportant. Everyone has the potential to leave a lasting mark on this world.
 
Recognizing this thought is what enables many people to persist even in the face of adversities.
 
With heart and hunger, Joel Brown built addicted2success.com from scratch to be the #1 motivation site in the world. With over 193 million views views from his world wide audience, Joel has insights and analytics on Personal Development like no other in his industry. View more posts
 

幸福國度的秘密?
 The secret of creating happy societies
Sam Wren-Lewis  qz.com
 
Imagine two different societies. In the first, people tend to be stressed, tense, irritable, distracted, and self-absorbed. In the second, people tend to be at ease, untroubled, quick to laugh, expansive, and self-assured.
 
The difference between these two imagined scenarios is vast. You’re not only more likely to be happier in the second scenario—you’re also more likely to be safer, healthier, and have better relationships. The difference between a happy and an unhappy society is not trivial. We know that happiness matters beyond our desire to feel good.
 
So how can we create a happy society? The Buddhist nation of Bhutan was the first society to determine policy based on the happiness of its citizens, with the king of Bhutan famously claiming in 1972 that Gross National Happiness (GNH) was a more important measure of progress than Gross Domestic Product (GDP).
 
Many other countries have since followed suit—looking to move “beyond GDP” as a measure of national progress. For instance, the UK developed a national wellbeing program in 2010 and has since measured the nation’s wellbeing across ten domains, not too dissimilar to Bhutan’s approach. More recently, New Zealand introduced its first “wellbeing budget,” with a focus on improving the wellbeing of the country’s most vulnerable people.
 
Such initiatives tend to broadly agree over the conditions required for a happy society. According to the World Happiness Report, there are six key ingredients for national happiness: income, healthy life expectancy, social support, freedom, trust, and generosity. Scandinavian countries—which typically top the global happiness rankings (Finland is currently first)—tend to do well on all these measures. In contrast, war-torn nations such as South Sudan, Central African Republic, and Afghanistan tend to do badly. So does happiness rely on these six key ingredients?
The what, not the how
 
I don’t think so. This approach is, ultimately, too simple—even potentially harmful. The problem is that it focuses on what happiness is, not how to achieve it. Clearly, things such as a good life expectancy, social support and trust are good for us. But how we come to that conclusion may matter more than the conclusion itself.
 
For instance, how do we know that we are measuring what is most important? The world happiness rankings largely rely on measures of life satisfaction. But it is far from obvious that such measures can account for important differences in emotional wellbeing.
 
Alternatively, perhaps we could ask people what they think matters. The development of the UK’s national wellbeing program took this approach, undertaking qualitative research to develop their ten domains of happiness. But this approach is also problematic. How do we know which of the ten domains are most important? The most important ingredients for one community may not be the same for another. Asking people is a good idea. But we can’t just do it once and then assume the job is done.
 
Don’t get me wrong—I believe these kinds of initiatives are an improvement on more narrow ways of measuring national progress, such as an exclusive focus on income and GDP. But that doesn’t mean we should ignore their faults.
 
There are parallels here with the pursuit of happiness on an individual level. We typically go about our lives with a list of things in our head which we think will make us happy—if only we get that promotion, have a loving relationship, and so on. Achieving these things can certainly improve our lives—and may even make us happier.
 
But we are fooling ourselves if we think they will make us happy in a lasting sense. Life is too complicated for that. We are vulnerable, insecure creatures and will inevitably experience disappointment, loss, and suffering. By exclusively focusing on the things we think will make us happy, we blind ourselves to the other things in life that matter.
Happiness 101
 
Psychologists are beginning to focus their attention not just on the ingredients of individual happiness, but also on the capacities people need to be happy within inevitably insecure and fragile circumstances.
 
For instance, the so-called “second wave” of positive psychology is as interested in the benefits of negative emotions as positive ones. The mindfulness revolution, meanwhile, urges people to go beyond their notions of good and bad and instead learn how to accept things as they are. These approaches are less concerned with what conditions make people happy and more interested in how people can pursue happiness within conditions of insecurity and uncertainty.
 
The more we focus on our list of desired things, the more we fail to see what really matters. When we are certain of the things that make us happy, and urgently try to achieve them, we fail to appreciate the value of the things we already have and the multiple unknown opportunities we have yet to discover. When things inevitably go wrong in our lives, we blame others or ourselves instead of learning from what happened.
 
Psychologists are beginning to understand the limits of this. Happy individuals tend to have humility as well as certainty; curiosity as well as urgency; and compassion as well as blame.
 
We can apply these same lessons on a national scale. Creating a happier society requires not just promoting what matters, but also promoting the capacities for discovering what matters.
 
We know this on an institutional level. In education, we know that it is important to promote curiosity and a love of learning as well as good exam results. In academia, we know that, although we can discover important scientific truths, almost all of our current scientific theories might be surpassed by other theories and we should remain open minded. We know that the appeal and relevance of religious institutions depends on balancing dogmatic teachings with mystery and curiosity—order and faith on the one hand, openness and flexibility on the other.
 
Creating a happy society does not just depend on creating the right conditions. It also depends on creating the right institutions and processes for discovering those conditions. The irony is that members of the happy society described at the beginning of this article—who tend to be at ease, untroubled, quick to laugh, expansive and self-assured—are probably less focused on what makes them happy and more focused on exploring what really matters—with humility, curiosity, and compassion.
 
To actually create a happy society, we need measures and institutions that do much the same.
 

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周五 (1/29) 1.結婚後 還有愛情嗎? 2.如何對 生氣的人回應

 新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 --- 板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

PM7:00   --9:30

結婚後 還有愛情嗎?

Does love changes after marriage? Things I realised after becoming a wife
 timesofindia.indiatimes.com
 
If there is a time to reflect upon what married life has in store for you, trust me, you will realise it only after it’s too late. I married my boyfriend after being in a relationship for five years. By the time we took the plunge, I believed that our relationship has gone through the best and worst phases and nothing can shake our love for each other. But marriage was a different ballgame altogether and I discovered these ugly truths about love only after tying the knot.
 
02/7​I no longer had his undivided attention!
 
When we were dating, I never had to worry about his attention because he was the devoted boyfriend that every girl wished for. But the situation changed after we got married. Although we lived under the same roof yet I craved for his attention because, with so many people around (we lived in a joint family), he also had to pay attention to them.
 
03/7We were a family first, a couple later
 
We were no longer that carefree couple who had the luxury to be whimsical and do whatever they wanted. But marriage taught me an important lesson: you are a family first, and a couple later. We had to consult the elders before taking any important decision. For example, when we wanted to go for a vacation abroad, we had to plan after making sure our absence would not be an inconvenience for the rest of the family. After being married, love is also about loving each other's family.
 
04/7We hardly exchanged ‘I Love You’
 
This is the biggest change I noticed in our love life—my husband rarely says, ‘I love you’. When we were dating, there was not a single day when he didn’t utter these three magical words. For that matter, I also used to confess my love for him often. We no longer exchanged sweet nothings and strangely, we didn’t complain about it either. It seemed we felt more secure and were happy to feel the love rather than convey it through words or actions.
 
05/7I became a little careless
 
Before tying the knot, I used to put efforts to win his appreciation and affection. Dressing up before meeting him or wearing his favourite perfume, planning a date at his favourite restaurant—I did all these because, believe it or not, I just wanted to remind him how much I loved him. But marriage made me take his love for granted. I no longer felt the need to dress up to impress him or to do something special every day to prove my love for him.
 
06/7I fought for space!
 
While we were dating, we could hardly wait to meet each other. Now that we were staying in the same house and spending considerable time in each other’s company, I started craving for ‘me-time’. There were days when I missed my old room and wanted to lock myself up in a room alone. But it wasn’t possible. Sometimes, I wondered if it’s possible to feel the same for a person you loved so much. Was I no longer in love with him? Then why did I resent spending so much time together?
 
07/7​We saved not to splurge on each other but to purchase a car or house
 
Our target for saving money changed drastically. Earlier, we used to save mostly to splurge on each other or to buy gifts for special occasions. The number of roses he gave me or the weekend trips we took together measured the love we had for each other. Things changed after we got married. We were planning to buy a new car and we counted every penny and whatever savings we had, we planned to spend it on the car. It was no longer about buying things for each other but we were purchasing things like a couple, things that we could use together. Love changed-from impressing each other to working for a secure future together!
 

如何對 生氣的人回應
Strategies to respond to someone who is angry - liveyourtruestory.com
 
​We all lose our cool from time to time; some of us more frequently than others. When we get angry, we like to be treated properly. We like to get a fair hearing and, we tend to appreciate when somebody attempts to help us deal with the issue which is troubling us so that we may get back on track. Many times in life, the shoe will be on the other foot and we will have to respond to someone who is angry. If you respond to someone who is angry in an inappropriate manner, you are likely to escalate the situation. Alternatively, when you respond to someone who is angry in the right manner, you quickly restore normality, reduce tension and stress and, in some cases, you can even establish the foundations of an effective relationship.
 
​Have you ever been in the awkward situation where someone you were with became totally frustrated and angry? Were you unsure as to how you were supposed to react to something like that? The following are some strategies which you can use to respond to someone who is angry and help to create a more amicable environment.
 
1. Just listen
 
When someone is angry, you rush to try and resolve the situation. However, this is the worst thing that you can do. Before you can resolve a troublesome situation, you need to understand the situation and, why the angry person has a problem with it.
 
When angry, people become emotional and use emotional and provocative language. This may trigger an emotional response in you, however, it is imperative that you focus on listening deeply to the core message that the angry person is expressing. When you focus solely on listening for the core message, you tend to ignore the emotional language and find it easier to understand their argument (even if you do not agree with it).
In addition, if you allow the other person to fully express their anger, they soon run out of steam and start to calm down. Once they are calm, you can start your attempts to resolve the situation.
 
​Key point
 
As difficult as it can be, you need to listen to what the other person has to say, before you start jumping in with solutions. Otherwise, they feel that you don’t care enough to listen, which is only going to make them more emotional. You need to take the emotion out before you respond to someone who is angry.
 
2. Don’t worry about whether you agree with them or not
 
You may find it difficult to respond to someone who is angry because you feel that you cannot agree with their viewpoint. In reality, you do not need to agree with the other person and few, if any, people expect others to always agree with them.
 
When someone is angry, the most important thing for them is to be listened to and, for the other person to do their best to resolve the issue, even if it does not bring them the result that they would prefer.
 
Unless they’re angry with you and you’re personally involved in the situation, refrain from sharing your own feelings about whatever is happening to agitate the other person. Even if they are angry with you; it is best to hear them out first before you attempt to formulate your response. Once you have heard them out, they will see that you are genuine in your desire to resolve the situation as amicably as possible.
 
When you respond to someone who is angry, it is important that they understand your desire to be supportive. You want to help them., if possible, to get the best possible outcome from the situation. The act of genuinely caring is a very good start and, from there you can help them in whatever way possible. Often, caring is enough for them to find their feet again.
 
​Key point
 
Being supportive does not mean agreeing with something you do not agree with or, accepting responsibility for their problems. It also does not mean that you should push your views or suggestions on them. It is about helping them find the right way forwards for them.
 
When you respond to someone who is angry; you don't have to agree with them. What they want most is somebody to listen and understand what they are going through.
 
3. Relate and empathise
 
Once you feel that you have gained an understanding of the issue, you can attempt to communicate it to the other person. You could say something like:
 
    ​“I hear what you are saying …."
    ​“I see your point of view …”
    ​“I feel that …”
 
You are not required to accept responsibility where it is not yours to take and you are not required to apologise, however, you should never attempt to relate or empathise unless you are sincere. When you relate with him, the angry person will usually feel understood and, therefore, his anger will begin to dissipate.
 
Relating to the other person and, empathising with them, is critical when responding to an angry person. Even though it requires subtlety of body language, tone of voice and words, you are effectively screaming to the other person that you respect them. You are telling them that you want to treat them in a dignified manner.
 
It is important to remember that anger often arises because the person feels disrespected so, demonstrating that you do respect them helps to calm them down.
 
​Key point
 
When you disagree with the person who is angry, empathy helps them to see that you are not personalising the issue. You communicate that your problem is with their behaviour, ideas etc; not who they are as a person.
 
4. Trust your instincts to protect yourself
 
Most people won’t become threatening or physically aggressive when they get angry but you should trust your instincts. If at any point you feel that the discussion is heading in that direction; tell the person that you are going to give them the opportunity to calm down and, once they do so, you will be happy to resume the discussion.
 
Of course, if you feel that you are in immediate danger, you should leave without feeling the need to explain yourself.
 
It should go without saying but, nobody has the right to cause you any physical harm. Neither do they have the right to threaten to do so. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe that they will follow through on the threat or, if you think you can handle yourself in a physical dispute.
 
If the conversation has reached that low point, the problem is not going to be solved while that mood prevails. So, walk away and, if you feel the need, talk with the person when they are in a calmer mood.
 
Verbal and mental abuse should not be tolerated either. Apart from the pain and upset it can cause, somebody who is in that mood is not looking to resolve the situation; at least not amicably. Do not tolerate it. Walk away.
 
 
 

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周六(1/30)1.帶你成功的想法2.幸福國度的秘密?

板橋區文化路段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮院  左轉     PM7:30--9:30

帶你成功的想法

15 Thoughts That Will Lead You To Success - I AM JOEL BROWN

Published by Joel Brown
 
Success is a very complex phenomenon that cannot be summed up in a few sentences. To achieve success you must strive very hard to meet your goals, and that requires big ideas and an indeterminate will to execute them. If you were to ask any successful person or motivational coach about how to achieve success, then their first piece of advice would most probably be to “think positively.”
 
Positive thoughts are the key to making your dreams and goals come true. Nevertheless, thinking positively is more about you and your abilities, rather than the goals or the processes required to achieve them.
 
Oftentimes, we put a limit on our dreams due to fear or lack of confidence in our abilities.
 
Positive thoughts can help us break those challenges and attain success. Here are 15 thoughts that will lead you to success:
 
Life is very precious and can take the turn for the worse at any moment. Once you get this idea into your mind, you’ll stop procrastinating and put all your ideas into motion.
 
If you live like today is your last day on the planet, then you will gain a renewed sense of appreciation for everything around you. With this appreciation in mind, you’ll start planning things in advance, work harder and act wisely. This is the ultimate motivation you can give yourself to reach the next level of success.
 
Work is not a chore that you have to do for money. It is something that you do because you love it and would like to make difference in this world. Some of the most successful people didn’t work because they’d have to, but because they wanted to.
 
Only work on things that interest you; this way, you will make sure that you will work harder and smarter.
 
Success is not handed to you on a platter. It takes time, effort and dedication to achieve success. Staying committed to your goals even in the face of many challenges is very important.
 
Recognize the importance of perseverance and always stay committed, even when the going gets tough.
 
An idea isn’t the only essential factor to achieve success. If you don’t have passion towards what you’re doing, then you’re bound to give it up in the long-term. Passion fuels your desire to work during the hard times, and then it carries you over to an altogether different level of success.
 
Without passion towards what you’re doing, achieving success would be very hard.
 
You don’t need to follow other successful people to be successful yourself. Individuality is a key factor to make sure that you are satisfied with your work and are happy in your life. Don’t be afraid to be different; some of the best ideas were initially frowned upon by many people.
 
It takes courage and determination to stand out from the crowd and try something new.
 
Ordinary people are comfortable with ordinary choices and goals. However, successful people yearn for something extraordinary, and won’t settle until they have achieved that.
 
There is always a way to go beyond what you think is possible, and once you realize this, there will be nothing that can stop you in your endeavors.
 
This is such a common positive thinking strategy that is almost a cliché now. However, thinking outside the box doesn’t just mean coming up with weird quirky ideas.
 
The ideas should be innovative and practical. Brainstorm your ideas with others, discuss them loudly, assimilate knowledge, and engage with people outside your professional zone.
 
There is always a better way of doing something.
 
You shouldn’t measure your accomplishments based on standards set by others. The moment you judge yourself based on others’ standards, you let them dictate your life, rather than you dictating yours.
 
Strive to satisfy yourself instead of someone else, and you’ll be happy for the rest of your life.
 
Sometimes, too much of time is wasted in thinking about things that you really like to do. If you genuinely like something, then just do it without any hesitation. Even if you are not sure whether you like something, it is easier to know whether you like it or not when you try it out.
 
Every person on this planet has the same amount time as everyone else, and still many think that there is not enough of it. The problem lies not with the time, but how you perceive and manage it. Make a schedule and take out time for things you’d like to achieve.
 
Successful people don’t go around asking people for time, they make use of it.
 
Even despite your best efforts, you cannot control other people in your life. You are the master of only yourself. Concentrate on how you can influence the outcome of your work, rather than how someone else isn’t doing what they are supposed to do.
 
It’s not your fault when someone disappoints you or holds you back.
 
Opportunities are never lost. There are endless opportunities waiting for you right now, and all you have to do is go and pick them up.
 
Even if you miss one opportunity, there is always another waiting right behind it. Waiting for the right opportunity to come knocking on your door will get you nowhere.
 
While failure is definitely not a desired outcome, it is still a part of your success. Many successful people have failed a lot of times in their lives, and that is one of the main reasons why they’re successful today.
 
Embrace failures and learn from them. Only when you stay positive during failures can you rise up to success tomorrow.
 
Letting go of an idea or a goal can be very painful at times, especially if you have invested a lot of effort and time into it. However, you have to learn to let go to be successful.
 
No matter how great an idea is, or how desirable a goal or dream is, you have to give them up if they are not feasible. Being adaptable in your thoughts is essential to ensure success.
 
No matter what you do, you can always make a difference and leave a legacy behind. No idea or work is small enough to be unimportant. Everyone has the potential to leave a lasting mark on this world.
 
Recognizing this thought is what enables many people to persist even in the face of adversities.
 
With heart and hunger, Joel Brown built addicted2success.com from scratch to be the #1 motivation site in the world. With over 193 million views views from his world wide audience, Joel has insights and analytics on Personal Development like no other in his industry. View more posts
 

幸福國度的秘密?
 The secret of creating happy societies
Sam Wren-Lewis  qz.com
 
Imagine two different societies. In the first, people tend to be stressed, tense, irritable, distracted, and self-absorbed. In the second, people tend to be at ease, untroubled, quick to laugh, expansive, and self-assured.
 
The difference between these two imagined scenarios is vast. You’re not only more likely to be happier in the second scenario—you’re also more likely to be safer, healthier, and have better relationships. The difference between a happy and an unhappy society is not trivial. We know that happiness matters beyond our desire to feel good.
 
So how can we create a happy society? The Buddhist nation of Bhutan was the first society to determine policy based on the happiness of its citizens, with the king of Bhutan famously claiming in 1972 that Gross National Happiness (GNH) was a more important measure of progress than Gross Domestic Product (GDP).
 
Many other countries have since followed suit—looking to move “beyond GDP” as a measure of national progress. For instance, the UK developed a national wellbeing program in 2010 and has since measured the nation’s wellbeing across ten domains, not too dissimilar to Bhutan’s approach. More recently, New Zealand introduced its first “wellbeing budget,” with a focus on improving the wellbeing of the country’s most vulnerable people.
 
Such initiatives tend to broadly agree over the conditions required for a happy society. According to the World Happiness Report, there are six key ingredients for national happiness: income, healthy life expectancy, social support, freedom, trust, and generosity. Scandinavian countries—which typically top the global happiness rankings (Finland is currently first)—tend to do well on all these measures. In contrast, war-torn nations such as South Sudan, Central African Republic, and Afghanistan tend to do badly. So does happiness rely on these six key ingredients?
The what, not the how
 
I don’t think so. This approach is, ultimately, too simple—even potentially harmful. The problem is that it focuses on what happiness is, not how to achieve it. Clearly, things such as a good life expectancy, social support and trust are good for us. But how we come to that conclusion may matter more than the conclusion itself.
 
For instance, how do we know that we are measuring what is most important? The world happiness rankings largely rely on measures of life satisfaction. But it is far from obvious that such measures can account for important differences in emotional wellbeing.
 
Alternatively, perhaps we could ask people what they think matters. The development of the UK’s national wellbeing program took this approach, undertaking qualitative research to develop their ten domains of happiness. But this approach is also problematic. How do we know which of the ten domains are most important? The most important ingredients for one community may not be the same for another. Asking people is a good idea. But we can’t just do it once and then assume the job is done.
 
Don’t get me wrong—I believe these kinds of initiatives are an improvement on more narrow ways of measuring national progress, such as an exclusive focus on income and GDP. But that doesn’t mean we should ignore their faults.
 
There are parallels here with the pursuit of happiness on an individual level. We typically go about our lives with a list of things in our head which we think will make us happy—if only we get that promotion, have a loving relationship, and so on. Achieving these things can certainly improve our lives—and may even make us happier.
 
But we are fooling ourselves if we think they will make us happy in a lasting sense. Life is too complicated for that. We are vulnerable, insecure creatures and will inevitably experience disappointment, loss, and suffering. By exclusively focusing on the things we think will make us happy, we blind ourselves to the other things in life that matter.
Happiness 101
 
Psychologists are beginning to focus their attention not just on the ingredients of individual happiness, but also on the capacities people need to be happy within inevitably insecure and fragile circumstances.
 
For instance, the so-called “second wave” of positive psychology is as interested in the benefits of negative emotions as positive ones. The mindfulness revolution, meanwhile, urges people to go beyond their notions of good and bad and instead learn how to accept things as they are. These approaches are less concerned with what conditions make people happy and more interested in how people can pursue happiness within conditions of insecurity and uncertainty.
 
The more we focus on our list of desired things, the more we fail to see what really matters. When we are certain of the things that make us happy, and urgently try to achieve them, we fail to appreciate the value of the things we already have and the multiple unknown opportunities we have yet to discover. When things inevitably go wrong in our lives, we blame others or ourselves instead of learning from what happened.
 
Psychologists are beginning to understand the limits of this. Happy individuals tend to have humility as well as certainty; curiosity as well as urgency; and compassion as well as blame.
 
We can apply these same lessons on a national scale. Creating a happier society requires not just promoting what matters, but also promoting the capacities for discovering what matters.
 
We know this on an institutional level. In education, we know that it is important to promote curiosity and a love of learning as well as good exam results. In academia, we know that, although we can discover important scientific truths, almost all of our current scientific theories might be surpassed by other theories and we should remain open minded. We know that the appeal and relevance of religious institutions depends on balancing dogmatic teachings with mystery and curiosity—order and faith on the one hand, openness and flexibility on the other.
 
Creating a happy society does not just depend on creating the right conditions. It also depends on creating the right institutions and processes for discovering those conditions. The irony is that members of the happy society described at the beginning of this article—who tend to be at ease, untroubled, quick to laugh, expansive and self-assured—are probably less focused on what makes them happy and more focused on exploring what really matters—with humility, curiosity, and compassion.
 
To actually create a happy society, we need measures and institutions that do much the same.
 

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