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Is it OK to have one-night stands? Dr Gabrielle Morrissey bodyandsoul.com
(Q) I'm a single woman and while I'd like a relationship, I don't want to go without sex until I find one. I'm fine with the idea of casual sex, but my friends say one-night stands are "dangerous". How should I be careful?
(A) On many levels, you need to consider safety if you're contemplating having one-night stands. Of course, there is your physical safety to be aware of. Just like many women don't go out on a first date with a stranger without telling at least one person where they are and how they can be contacted, you shouldn't go home with a stranger unless another person knows about it. Safety first, that's paramount.
And you need to be smart about your sexual health. Casual sex isn't so short-lived, if you take home a sexually-transmitted infection. Be proactive with your precautions. Carry condoms and have them in an easily accessible place at home. It says nothing else about you except that you're responsible and realistic.
You also need to safely navigate your mental health. You need to feel this is a positive expression of yourself and not something you'll regret or which may negatively affect your self-esteem, self-worth or identity.
Some people like the idea of casual sex but aren't prepared for how they'll feel afterwards, especially if casual sex actually doesn't fit with their core values.
If you're being spontaneous, don't do it under the influence of alcohol. People don't make sound judgment calls when they're drinking - such as compromising your physical safety or hooking up with someone who is inappropriate - and the chances for regret soar.
In today's world, it may seem like "no strings" casual sex is exactly that. But on at least one level, be it physical, mental, emotional or all of the above, you're being intimate with someone, being naked, showing vulnerability, and so rarely is that truly casual.
So by all means, date, look for a boyfriend, flirt and seduce. But if you go all the way with someone you don't know, make sure you're all ready, all safe and all right, all the time.
Q:
Is it ok to have one-night stands?
What do you think the idea of casual sex?
Is it still a taboo to talk about sex in Taiwan these days?
How to protect yourself when dating?
Why do people have affairs?
What are the signs he's/she’s cheating on you?
How to handle a cheating partner?
How to cope when your spouse is unfaithful?
一萬小時定律
10,000 Hours of Practice
In the book Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell says that it takes roughly ten thousand hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field. How does Gladwell arrive at this conclusion? And, if the conclusion is true, how can we leverage this idea to achieve greatness in our professions?
Violins in Berlin
In the early 1990s, a team of psychologists in Berlin, Germany studied violin students. Specifically, they studied their practice habits in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. All of the subjects were asked this question: “Over the course of your entire career, ever since you first picked up the violin, how many hours have you practiced?”
All of the violinists had begun playing at roughly five years of age with similar practice times. However, at age eight, practice times began to diverge. By age twenty, the elite performers averaged more than 10,000 hours of practice each, while the less able performers had only 4,000 hours of practice.
The elite had more than double the practice hours of the less capable performers.
Natural Talent: Not Important
One fascinating point of the study: No “naturally gifted” performers emerged. If natural talent had played a role, we would expect some of the “naturals” to float to the top of the elite level with fewer practice hours than everyone else. But the data showed otherwise. The psychologists found a direct statistical relationship between hours of practice and achievement. No shortcuts. No naturals.
Falling in Love With Practice
The elite don’t just work harder than everybody else. At some point the elites fall in love with practice to the point where they want to do little else.
The elite football player is the guy who spends all day on the practice field with his teammates, and after practice he goes home to watch game films.
The elites are in love with what they do, and at some point it no longer feels like work.
Q:
What do you think the idea of 10,000 hours of practice?
How to focus on learning? How to be a good learner?
What are the tips to achieve success?
How to become an elite /an expert??
Do you think that natural talent is not important?
What are the ways to enjoy your job?
一夜情
當漫漫的長夜,身邊無人陪伴的時候,心理的孤寂,往往是很過單身女性一夜情的原因。其實對性的需要並不大,只是想找個人陪陪自己,和自己度過漫長的夜。一夜情是對溫暖的嚮往和對孤獨的恐懼的一種填補。
這類女生一般觀念開放,思想先進……充滿對浪漫情懷的渴求。
心底的傷
這是頻繁找一夜情的女生的根源,來自她們心底的傷。最多的就是被男朋友拋棄了,而這個男朋友往往是她們的第一個男人,第一個以為可以託付終生的男人。
所以在和他們分手後,心理受到極大的傷害,不在相信愛,於是開始故意放縱自己,用一夜情來彌補自己心的傷口。
而由於對愛情的失望,加上對自己的放縱的痛恨,這種複雜的感情會導致心理上認為自己是個壞女孩子,更加的放縱自己,所以頻繁的找一夜情。
其實只是一種情感的宣洩,她們利用極端的感覺來釋放心頭的陰鬱,此時的一夜情,對她們只是一種變相的自虐,像一個受傷的野獸,卻不停的在撕開自己的傷口,讓傷口不停的流血。
一時的憤怒
這種女孩往往比較活潑,脾氣比較火暴。往往是在和男朋友的吵架後,故意用一夜情來平息自己的心情。
其實她們的心裡只是想發洩一下,如同小孩子一樣,心裡想的是反正男朋友那麼不在乎我,我要故意氣他。其實她只是想找人關心她,所以往往很容易和一個能安慰她的男生發生一夜情,來尋找那份失落。
可是往往一夜情後,心情平靜下來後,開始悔恨自己做過的事情。往往很多少女就這麼一時氣憤下成了少婦……引用名鹽:男人經常後悔沒有跟某個女人發生關係;女人則後悔跟某個男人發生過關係。
性慾望的追求
食色,性也。隨著觀念的開放,很多女性對自己的慾望更加直接的表達。她們找一夜情就是赤裸裸的性需求的,往往是離異啊,老公長期不在身邊啊……其實女人和男人一樣,對性有著身體的需要,所以她們就在渴望通過一夜情來滿足自己的生理需求。
為了刺激
這類偷情女人數佔有很大比例,男方、女方或者是單位的同事,或是在宴會上、旅途中、大街上或是網絡裡偶然相識,雙方兩情相悅而發生性行為的。
這類偷情者中,大多能夠保持比較浪漫、持久、的關係,也是偷情中比較純潔的一類。
還有一小部分是因為家庭不幸福,丈夫有外遇,或是丈夫性無能從而難於滿足女方的性需求;女方由於長期的性壓抑,一旦遇到合適的人選,就會義無返顧地投入男人的懷抱。
為了金錢
這類偷情女目標很明確,就是為了金錢。她們當中有大量的社會底層女性,如下崗、離異的,她們用「偷情」的方式以肉體換取長期的經濟支撐。也有的偷情女性平時給人的印象很好,在眾人眼裡她們端莊賢惠、知情達理,過著很平凡的日子。
綜上所述,男人要想自己女人不發生偷情的行為,那麼,你就要儘量滿足女人的需求,滿足不了女人金錢上的需求,至少要滿足他情感上、性生活上的需求。
一萬小時定律
一萬小時定律是馬爾科姆·格拉德韋爾的作品《異數》(2009年1月19日)中提出的一條定律,理論為對於量的積累,應用於所有領域、所有學科。一萬小時定律解釋為人們眼中的天才之所以卓越非凡,並非天資超人一等,而是付出了持續不斷的努力;只要經過1萬小時的錘煉,任何人都能從平凡變成超凡;要成為某個領域的專家,需要10000小時,按比例計算就是:如果每天工作八個小時,一周工作五天,那麼成為一個領域的專家至少需要五年。
美國兩位暢銷書作家,丹尼爾·科伊爾的《一萬小時天才理論》與馬爾科姆·格拉德韋爾的一本類似“成功學”的書《異數》,其核心都是“一萬小時定律”,就是不管你做什麼事情,只要堅持一萬小時,基本上都可以成為該領域的專家。
一萬小時定律- 理論依據
英國神經學家DanielLevitin認為,人類腦部確實需要這麼長的時間,去理解和吸收一種知識或者技能,然後才能達到大師級水平。 頂尖的運動員、音樂家、棋手,需要花一萬小時,才能讓一項技藝至臻完美。
一萬個小時是怎麼算出來的?
格拉德韋爾一直致力於把心理學實驗、社會學研究,對古典音樂家、冰球運動員的統計調查改造成流暢、好懂的文字。 在調查的基礎上,他總結出了“一萬小時定律”,他的研究顯示,在任何領域取得成功的關鍵跟天分無關,只是練習的問題,需要練習1萬小時——10年內,每週練習20小時,大概每天3小時。
每天3小時的練習只是個平均數,在實際練習過程中,花費的時間可能不同。 上世紀90年代初,瑞典心理學家安德斯·埃里克森在柏林音樂學院也做過調查,學小提琴的都大約從5歲開始練習,起初每個人都是每週練習兩三個小時,但從8歲起,那些最優秀的學生練習時間最長,9歲時每週6小時,12歲8小時,14歲時16小時,直到20歲時每週30多小時,共1萬小時。
“一萬小時法則”在成功者身上很容易得到驗證。 作為電腦天才,比爾·蓋茨13歲時有機會接觸到世界上最早的一批電腦終端機,開始學習計算機編程,7年後他創建微軟公司時,他已經連續練習了7年的程序設計,超過了1萬小時。
為什麼是一萬個小時?
“一萬小時法則”的關鍵在於,一萬小時是最底限,而且沒有例外之人。 沒有人僅用3000小時就能達到世界級水準;7500小時也不行;一定要10000小時——10年,每天3小時——無論你是誰。
這等於是在告訴大家,一萬小時的練習,是走向成功的必經之路。
音樂神童莫扎特,在6歲生日之前,他音樂家的父親已經指導他練習了3500個小時。 到他21歲寫出最膾炙人口的第九號協奏曲時,可想而知他已經練習了多少小時。 象棋神童鮑比·菲舍爾,17歲就奇蹟般奠定了大師地位,但在這之前他也投入了10年時間的艱苦訓練。
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