週日(4/23)1.抱怨與健康2.愛情與麵包 下午4:30--6:30

板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮

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聚會時間下午4:30--6:30

抱怨與健康

Why Complaining is Bad for Your Health (naturalhealingnews.com)

Though it is alright to complain occasionally, one must not let it become a habit. The following Buzzle write-up points out some of the ill-effects of complaining on one's health.

Complaining not only ruins everybody else's day, it ruins the complainer's day, too. The more we complain, the more unhappy we get.

Why Do We Complain?

There are times when nothing seems to be working in our favor. We may use complaining as a coping mechanism when we are genuinely unhappy. However, there are times when we don't put in our best foot forward, and just want things to work our way. We may try to cover for our failings by complaining about the unfairness of it all. These are expressive complaints where the complainer just wants to vent out his/her feelings, with no real intention of solving the problem. The complainer wants to release the pent-up frustration or anger, and expects sympathy and acknowledgment from the listeners. At times, complaints might be instrumental in nature, and might be directed at someone with an objective in mind.

Sometimes, we use complaints as a conversation starter. Conversations that start with a complaint often have a domino effect. Complaining can be contagious. It may cause the listener to include his/her complaints in the conversation as well. Though this may make you feel better, as you may think that you are not the only one facing problems, you are not really looking for solutions. When you are always focusing on the negative, it can become extremely difficult to think about the positive. Those who complain are less likely to enjoy life, whereas people who focus on the positive aspects of life are more likely to have a better social life.

Complaining is also very contagious. It spreads, and it brings others around you down. You’ve heard them — the people who go on and on about their parent, spouse, sibling, neighbor, friend or boss who never stops complaining.

One of the most noticeable examples of contagious complaining is regarding the economy. We can kvetch to our hearts’ content about the current state of the national and global economy, or we can look at it from as many angles as possible and try to determine how to change what’s not working at home (in our own personal economy). The first option allows us to hold a pity party, complete with “poor-me” party hats and “blame-them” noisemakers. The second option enables us to become proactive and powerful within our own microcosm. It also creates room for abundance to enter our lives.

We’ve heard the classic question: Is the glass half full or half empty? In reality, it’s both at the same time. Some people look at the glass and spin the story of how it’s half full; others look at the same glass and spin the story of how it’s half empty. The truth is that it’s just a glass of water — how we perceive it is up to us.

If we want to complain, there will always be things to complain about. If we want to rejoice, there will always be things to rejoice about. The beauty is that the choice is up to us.

Questions:1. Why do people complain? What do you complain most about?
How to stop complaining?

2. Listing things that employee complaints? Ways to complain less and be happier?

3. Is it a good idea that using complaining as a coping mechanism when you are unhappy? Does complaining relieve stress or make things worse?

4. Do you complain to about your job/ salary? How to react to low salary?

5. Are you the glass half full person or the half empty person?

The difference between happy & unhappy people?

6. Are you satisfied with your life? Do you think it’s fair?

Have you ever complained the government policy?

7. Are you easily satisfied with your job?

What to do if you hate your job?

8. How to deal with people who always complain?

               

愛情與麵包

How do you do? Love or Bread? (oveelva24.blogspot.tw)
       Love or bread, which one is important? Young people tend to choose love. However, when time passes, they may prefer bread. This question can always initiate a long and minute argument, while it never seems able to draw to a conclusion.

        There are some reasons for young people to choose love. They think bread is just material, and what matters most is heart. Bread cannot buy time, happiness, and especially the person who you want for the rest of your life. If the person is poor, as long as he is willing to work hard, will he stay poor forever? Nothing is impossible when you are with the one you love so much. Without love, even if you have all the money in the world, you would not be able to enjoy it. Moreover, love is an emotion supporting our life. When you lose the person or the thing that you regard as the most precious, it is so miserable. You can overcome all bad feelings when you are with your lover, even when you are in different places. Just knowing that you love, and are loved, and then it can make all the differences. They think to find a true soul mate is more important than to find bread.

        However, sadly to say, bread is the staff of life. Real life is a direct pressure, and it is said that poverty makes a couple pessimistic. Money cannot do everything, but you can do nothing without it. When you have trouble in daily life, will you still only think of love? No matter how steady the love is, it will finally be defeated by reality. For example, as a mother of three children, putting food on the table and providing a roof over the lovely babies are very important. Hence, it is true that love is important, but bread is far more important than love.

        You may first recognize what you truly want. Seriously, I believe that there is a need for both love and bread. Isn’t it because of the love for your family that you want to survive and bring home the bread?

Quesdtions:

1. Love or bread, which one is important?

2. What do you think is more important in life: love or money?

Do you think that love can last forever?

3. Can you survive without money? How to live without money

Can you survive without love? How to live without love?

4. Can money buy love? Prove?

5. How to know if you’re girlfriend/boyfriend likes you for money and popularity?

6. Would you choose to be married into extreme wealthy family or ordinary family?
How to marry a billionaire?

7. Should you break up with him or her for financial reasons?
Do you still love you lover if he or she go bankrupt?

8. Do women look down on men who earn less than they do?

 想要變得完全不快樂，沒有比抱怨更好的方法。

──Gil Friedman

文．吳淡如
康健雜誌 14期

「這裡也塞，那裡也塞，都是市政府無能，交通變成這個樣子……，」打從一上車開始，這位司機就開始喋喋不休的抱怨，也不時緊急剎車，好像在測驗我的平衡感好不好。就在我驚魂未定時，他鑽進了一條單行道，逆向行駛。
「這……這是單行道，」我以為他沒有看到指標，小心提醒他。然後，很坦然的闖過一個紅燈……。「我經驗老到啦，這裡沒有照相，也沒有警察，沒關係……」他老神在在的說。
下車後的我發了一晌呆，站在馬路旁思考他的邏輯……，如果他有邏輯的話，他的推理方式應該是：
一切都是他們的錯，我跟他們一起生活，他們犯錯，導致我不得不跟著犯錯。
「這個工作真不是人做的。」和一位老朋友偶遇。他不知不覺談起他充滿鬥爭的工作環境，剝削勞工的「變態」老板，以及個性扭曲、沒一個值得信任的同事，有時縐著眉頭，有時無奈苦笑──從一個旁聽者看來，他講得很投入，很有樂在其中的意味。
但是，他可能忘記了，他所說的事情，我已經聽過好幾遍了。每一次遇見他，他就老調重彈，好像除了他的工作，沒有別的話題。

屈指一算，他在那個「不是人待的工作」也待了八年啦。「既然那麼難待，為什麼不換工作？」幾年前，我問過有碩士學位的他。
又惹來一堆抱怨，說工作不好找，我不知民間疾苦。
另一種「休閒活動」
後來我了解，他只是想抱怨而已。抱怨，變成他工作之外的「休閒活動」。對他來說，或許很有趣，對重覆聽抱怨的人而言，真的需要一點耐力。
「我們家的小孩都很不喜歡回家，」有個平日相當樂觀、有活力的女孩在中秋節前夕對我說，「一到了要團圓的日子，我的頭就開始痛。因為，父母會希望我們這些在外頭工作的小孩都回去，但是，每次回去，都讓我不知如何是好。我的祖父母會在我媽看不到的時候對我抱怨我媽，我媽在我祖父母和我爸看不到抱怨我祖母和我爸，我爸在我面前抱怨政府，如果我們有人沒回去，他們就一起抱怨那個人……。搞得我真不知道如何是好，這種情況從我小時候就開始了。」
我想，她的運氣不算壞，生在一個「抱怨家族」，她算是出淤泥而不染了。不過，那種「有家不想回」的痛苦，真不是常人所能體會。
＊＊＊
任何一個怨天尤人的人，總企圖找到認同他想法的傢伙。用負面方式尋找認同，大概可以使他們深覺自己因抱怨而出眾，因痛苦而偉大。

有次在我的網站上也看到一個署名努力想活得快樂的人的留話，大意是說他努力想讓自己活得快樂，但政府昏庸，官員蹣跚，交通混亂，人事複雜，地球上天災人禍不斷發生。在他看來，世界上快樂的人都是因為無知膚淺和不知民間疾苦。
看樣子他一定要等到世界變成天堂，他才願意快樂。
或許世界變成天堂，他又會抱怨活得太無聊，生命沒有意義。
我一向不喜歡那些「我活得不好，所以也要企圖讓大家不要太好過」的人，蓄意散播陰暗面的人，心態中未免都有些「己溺人溺」的卑鄙意圖，因而不願意給他回函。不快樂是他的權利，他有權利選擇，但內在選擇往快樂的路或往不快樂的路上走，是我們的自由。
喏，抱怨自然有它的「好處」，因為怪別人很容易，隨時隨地可以找到可以抱怨的地方。不想讀書可以怪老師教得差，人際關係不好可以怪大家不了解你，吃得太胖可以怪媽媽或老婆煮得東西太營養，同事高升可以怪老闆偏心，受殘破的婚姻折磨半輩子是因為傳統壓力，而自己升了職可以怪老板故意加重自己的工作，中了統一發票也可以抱怨自己還要繳獎金稅。
唉，我還聽過一位想當偉大小說家卻從沒寫出任何東西出來的人抱怨，自己沒生在大時代，沒有戰亂，沒有流離顛沛，所以沒有靈感。

跟人生玩捉迷藏？
如果我們的情緒像一間屋子，那麼，抱怨就像蟑螂和螞蟻一樣，如果你不肯清除它們，它們就會出現在每一個你不想看到的地方。若你再不加以阻止，他們還會用一種近乎細菌增殖的速度增生，終有一天，你會覺得，沒看到幾隻蟑螂螞蟻，怎麼會有點怪怪的。
有些人，靠抱怨來引人注意，或獲得同情。有些人，為抱怨漆上「建設性批評」金漆。
有人還拿抱怨當溝通。沒有建設性、不肯做一點內省的溝通，其實只是化了粧易了容的抱怨。為什麼你想溝通，而另一半總是面有懼色？問題就在這裡。
無論如何，抱怨是負面效應。愈抱怨，就會發現值得抱怨的事情愈來愈多。愈花時間抱怨，愈少時間改良。一肚子怨氣的人，總是散發著一種天怒人怨的氣質。會讓你覺得，跟他相處，老是有一塊黑壓壓的雲鎮住你的大好晴天，離開他，周遭慢慢回到太平盛世。這樣的人，恐怕還會不知不覺的花時間抱怨自己人緣不好呢。
一般人會認為，抱怨是一種發洩的方式，出出氣，有益健康，我可不這麼想。每個人都曾抱怨過某些人，某些事，但如果抱怨的內容經年累月不斷的重覆，那麼，就是自己有問題，而且不肯面對問題，只是企圖用抱怨來挪掉正視問題的眼光。抱怨有時只是一種障眼法，拖延時間，讓你和自己所要的人生玩捉迷藏遊戲。
我們應當建立一種自覺：抱怨一個問題超過三次，那意味著，我們必須找到問題所在。如果讓你不快樂的問題大到無法改善，問題絕對不存在於你抱怨的地方，不在外頭，只在心裡面。
   以前,我也是個常常愛抱怨的人,覺得都是別人不好別人的錯,千錯萬錯我沒錯.....
身邊也不少朋友像文章裡頭寫到的一樣,時常在抱怨東抱怨西的
也真的不外乎,工作、感情、家人朋友等等....
我的覺得抱怨是很正常的行為,人人都會有的~
但是久了覺得抱怨好像真的不會比較好耶,而且並不是每個朋友、同學及同事都很喜歡聽這些東西
聽久了,也會覺得反正你就是個愛抱怨的人,反而應該是你自己有問題,可憐之人必有可恨之處,這句話是有它的道理~
真的應該學學老莊的清靜無為,有些東西該計較而且要斤斤計較,有些就 Let it be吧~
畢竟人不可能完美的,是吧?
不囉哩叭唆下來,真的比較輕鬆,也比較樂活~
所以孔子說:「四十而不惑，五十而知天命，六十而耳順，七十 而從心所欲，不踰矩。」
可能也有它的道理,要等到四十歲以後有些東西才會看的比較開吧~(也可能已經認命了....)
真的不要拿抱怨來疲累別人也傷害自己~