周六(8/1)1.閱讀的好處 2.淨灘 海洋汙染

星期六 聚會時間 晚上7:00-9:30

板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉

閱讀的好處

Benefits of Reading: Why You Should Read Every Day  lifehack.org

1. Mental Stimulation

Studies have shown that staying mentally stimulated can slow the progress of (or possibly even prevent) Alzheimer’s and Dementia,[1] since keeping your brain active and engaged prevents it from losing power.

Just like any other muscle in the body, the brain requires exercise to keep it strong and healthy, so the phrase “use it or lose it” is particularly apt when it comes to your mind. Doing puzzles and playing games such as chess have also been found to be helpful with cognitive stimulation.[2]

2. Stress Reduction

No matter how much stress you have at work, in your personal relationships, or countless other issues faced in daily life, it all just slips away when you lose yourself in a great story. A well-written novel can transport you to other realms, while an engaging article will distract you and keep you in the present moment, letting tensions drain away and allowing you to relax.

3. Knowledge

Everything you read fills your head with new bits of information, and you never know when it might come in handy. The more knowledge you have, the better-equipped you are to tackle any challenge you’ll ever face.

Additionally, here’s a bit of food for thought: should you ever find yourself in dire circumstances, remember that although you might lose everything else—your job, your possessions, your money, even your health—knowledge can never be taken from you.

5. Memory Improvement

When you read a book, you have to remember an assortment of characters, their backgrounds, ambitions, history, and nuances, as well as the various arcs and sub-plots that weave their way through every story. That’s a fair bit to remember, but brains are marvellous things and can remember these things with relative ease.

Amazingly enough, every new memory you create forges new synapses (brain pathways)[3] and strengthens existing ones, which assists in short-term memory recall as well as stabilizing moods.[4] How cool is that?

If you want to learn more about how to increase brain power, boost memory and become 10x smarter, check out this technique!

6. Stronger Analytical Thinking Skills

Have you ever read an amazing mystery novel, and solved the mystery yourself before finishing the book? If so, you were able to put critical and analytical thinking to work by taking note of all the details provided and sorting them out to determine “whodunnit”.

That same ability to analyze details also comes in handy when it comes to critiquing the plot; determining whether it was a well-written piece, if the characters were properly developed, if the storyline ran smoothly, etc.

Should you ever have an opportunity to discuss the book with others, you’ll be able to state your opinions clearly, as you’ve taken the time to really consider all the aspects involved.

7. Improved Focus and Concentration

In our internet-crazed world, attention is drawn in a million different directions at once as we multi-task through every day.

In a single 5-minute span, the average person will divide their time between working on a task, checking email, chatting with a couple of people (via gchat, skype, etc.), keeping an eye on twitter, monitoring their smartphone, and interacting with co-workers. This type of ADD-like behaviour causes stress levels to rise, and lowers our productivity.

When you read a book, all of your attention is focused on the story—the rest of the world just falls away, and you can immerse yourself in every fine detail you’re absorbing.

10. Free Entertainment

Though many of us like to buy books so we can annotate them and dog-ear pages for future reference, they can be quite pricey.

For low-budget entertainment, you can visit your local library and bask in the glory of the countless tomes available there for free. Libraries have books on every subject imaginable, and since they rotate their stock and constantly get new books, you’ll never run out of reading materials.

If you happen to live in an area that doesn’t have a local library, or if you’re mobility-impaired and can’t get to one easily, most libraries have their books available in PDF or ePub format so you can read them on your e-reader, iPad, or your computer screen.

There are also many sources online where you can download free e-books, so go hunting for something new to read!

There’s a reading genre for every literate person on the planet, and whether your tastes lie in classical literature, poetry, fashion magazines, biographies, religious texts, young adult books, self-help guides, street lit, or romance novels, there’s something out there to capture your curiosity and imagination.

Step away from your computer for a little while, crack open a book, and replenish your soul for a little while.

 

淨灘 海洋汙染

Taiwan’s Gogoro, Re-Think beach cleaning event collects over 7,800 kgs of trash | Taiwan News

TAIPEI (Taiwan News) — A summer beach clean-up event organized by electric scooter maker Gogoro and environmental group Re-Think collected 7,825 kgs of trash from five different beaches around the country over a nine-day period beginning on July 18 and ending on July 26.

The clean-ups were held at five beach areas: Dingliao in New Taipei City, Guanyin in Taoyuan, Shengang in Changhua, Qixingtan in Hualien, and Zhuanxikou in Yilan. The first beach cleaning took place on July 18 at Dingliao (頂寮), where participants picked up garbage over a 43,639 square meter area, according to a Re-Think Facebook post.

The following day on July 19, volunteers made their way to Guanyin (觀音) where they covered a massive beach area of 229,227 square meters, picking up things like glass bottles, fishing nets, plastic lunch boxes, and PET bottles. On July 21, people met up at Changhua’s Shengang (伸港) and gave 15,691 square meters of beach a much-needed facelift.

The next cleaning was held out east on July 25 at Hualien’s Qixingtan (七星潭), spanning 57,266 square meters of beach, resulting in 349 kgs of garbage being cleared away. The final cleanup was organized at Yilan’s Zhuanxikou (竹安溪口) the following day and covered 44,085 square meters, where 1325.5 kgs of rubbish were cleared from the sand.

In total, 2,257 people participated in the clean-ups, which covered in total around 389,910 square meters of beach — roughly equivalent to 56 soccer fields, according to UDN.

--

Ocean pollution

Each year, billions of pounds of trash and other pollutants enter the ocean. Where does this pollution come from? Where does it go? Some of the debris ends up on our beaches, washed in with the waves and tides. Some debris sinks, some is eaten by marine animals that mistake it for food, and some accumulates in ocean gyres. Other forms of pollution that impact the health of the ocean come from sources like oil spills or from accumulation of many dispersed sources, such as fertilizer from our yards.

Marine debris washed ashore on the Hawaiian island of Kaho'olawe.

Where does pollution come from?

The majority of pollutants that make their way into the ocean come from human activities along the coastlines and far inland. One of the biggest sources of pollution is nonpoint source pollution, which occurs as a result of runoff. Nonpoint source pollution can come from many sources, like septic tanks, vehicles, farms, livestock ranches, and timber harvest areas. Pollution that comes from a single source, like an oil or chemical spill, is known as point source pollution. Point source pollution events often have large impacts, but fortunately, they occur less often. Discharge from faulty or damaged factories or water treatment systems is also considered point source pollution.

Read More 看完整內容

周五(7/31)1.東南亞 最快樂的國家-台灣 2.不要過早下定論

聚會時間 晚上7:00-9:30

板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉

東南亞 最快樂的國家—台灣

The World Happiness countries

(CNN) — Finland has a lot to celebrate.

Not only does it have a capital city bursting with gastronomic creativity, the spectacular Northern Lights and Santa Claus's year-round home (plus the reindeer support staff) in Lapland. It's also the happiest country in the world for the second year in a row, according to the latest World Happiness Report.

It's followed by Denmark, Norway, Iceland and The Netherlands.

The World Happiness Report was released by the Sustainable Development Solutions Network for the United Nations on March 20, the date that the United Nations has declared to be the International Day of Happiness.

The report ranks countries on six key variables that support well-being: income, freedom, trust, healthy life expectancy, social support and generosity.

---

Taiwan's Pursuit of Happiness: Can We Trust the World Happiness Report?

Daphne K. Lee

Taiwan is the happiest country in East Asia, according to the 2019 World Happiness Report (WHR) produced by the United Nations. Among 156 countries, the survey panel ranked Taiwan 25th on the list, with Japan ranking 58th and China 93rd.

Finland topped the chart for the second year, while Denmark came in second. Hygge, a Danish word describing a lifestyle that celebrates coziness and comfort, became a buzzword in 2016 since Denmark had consistently been named the happiest country on earth. The Swedish lagom, which praises a moderate lifestyle, also became a trend as more people wanted to understand how Scandinavians were so happy.

But how reliable is the World Happiness Report? What purpose does it serve?

According to the report, a country’s average happiness is calculated using the following six variables provided by the Gallup World Poll: GDP per capita, social support, healthy life expectancy, freedom, generosity, and absence of corruption.

“I believe Taiwan would score high in life expectancy, social support, and generosity,” says Po-wen Chen, a Taipei resident. “But I don’t feel any growth in GDP; it’s only reflected in housing prices. Even if there’s a 3 percent growth, the benefits would go to the capital owners, not the working class.”

The survey relies on subjective self-reporting that asks participants to evaluate their answers on a scale of 0 to 10. The result is derived from data collected from 2016 to 2018, with an annual sample size of 1,000 people.

“A sample size of 2,000 to 3,000 is large enough to give a fairly good estimate at the national level,” says the report in its FAQ section.

These few thousand people in each country then rate their happiness based on various factors. The measurement of social support, for example, asks “If you were in trouble, do you have relatives or friends you can count on to help you whenever you need them, or not?”

If the WHR counted economic security as one of the major metrics of happiness, then it must have missed the memo on Taiwan’s wage crisis. The subjective question of social support might also simply be a reflection of the Taiwanese culture of having large and multigenerational families and valuing filial piety and community over one’s independence. And in terms of corruption, Taiwan’s score in the 2018 Corruption Perceptions Index (CPI) was far behind its peers such as Singapore and Japan.

Within the same data set from the Gallup World Poll, the measurement of “positive affect” is defined by one’s emotional happiness. It asks the participants if they have felt happiness, smiled or laughed a lot yesterday. In this section of the poll, Paraguay is ranked first, followed by Somalia and Iceland. Taiwan is ranked 17th on the same list, even higher than its final ranking.

The small sample size in the poll, however, does not necessarily reflect mental health issues in the happiest regions. In Finland, the world’s happiest country according to the WHR, suicide is responsible for one-third of all deaths among teenagers and young adults. The Happiness Research Institute’s recent report also raised concerns about mental health struggles in the Nordic region. Similarly, suicide rates have been steadily rising in Taiwan in spite of its favorable happiness ranking.

The differing results then raise the question of whether happiness should be defined by the emotional state of an individual, or by a country’s overall well-being and prosperity.

“People around me are generally quite content even though they do have small day-to-day complaints,” says Sylvia Liu, a Tainan homestay owner. “Taiwanese do seem happier than other East Asians, but less so when compared to Europeans. Our society values group identity, which makes self-actualization more difficult.”

Should anyone even attempt to rank happiness? To do so, one has to first define and standardize happiness, a human emotion. The problematic ranking on world happiness divides such an emotion into six factors. When the report triggers worldwide coverage each year, it is no longer a survey but a global reference – one that neglects reality and alienates individuals.

The ranking of happiness takes the public focus away from the WHR’s more in-depth discussions. Beyond a survey of global happiness, the WHR does a better job at examining issues of particular importance in the United States, such as voting behavior, digital media influence and, addiction. The 2019 report’s discussion on the relationship between big data and well-being is far more intriguing than whether Finland or Denmark is the happiest country: Does a lack of privacy improve a society’s operation? Will big data better predict our well-being?

不要過早下定論

The Benefits of Not Jumping to Conclusions

By Hilary Jacobs Hendel   psychcentral

Human brains simplify information under stress. Largely out of awareness, we have a tendency to categorize experiences into extremes of good and bad, black and white, right or wrong. Most of life, however, happens in the gray areas. We lose the subtleties that are always there if we are too quick to know.

When I take something personally or feel stung by something someone said or did, I try to remind myself to get curious about other meanings, other ways of understanding the moment. For example, if someone is rude to me at a store, I could easily get angry and think to myself, “What a jerk!” But that thought process also gets me more riled up. That way of thinking fuels my anger, which makes me feel more agitated. My goal is to keep calm.

So, as an alternative, I could think, “Perhaps this person is acting this way because she is suffering. Maybe something I am not aware of is happening in her life that is making her act rude.” Maybe she just lost someone she loves. Maybe she had a terrible fight with her partner that morning. Or maybe she just received a scary medical diagnosis from a doctor. Knowing those reasons are all possible helps me access compassion both for the person acting rude and myself for getting “dumped on.”

It takes some focus to resist the temptation to “know.” Instead of giving in to your brain’s natural inclination to be sure about what’s happening, look for nuance and the unknown. This approach is a particularly useful parenting strategy. Let’s say my child or stepchild, Marcia, comes home and allows the front door to slam. My thinking brain might be quick to generalize that the reason she slammed the door was out of hostility toward me.

But there may be other reasons that have nothing to do with me. I have the power to resist this natural temptation of the brain to come to quick judgments. Instead, I can call upon my aware self to become curious. I could think to myself, “I wonder why Marcia slammed the door?” Then I might sift through the various reasons one could slam a door: by mistake from slippery fingers or forgetting to hold it; or because she is angry at herself or someone else; or because she wants attention and to let someone know she is home, albeit in a childish way. Maybe you can come up with some other reasons as well.

I can’t know my child’s intent for sure until I ask her (and that is assuming she knows her own motivations and will disclose them to me.) The important point here is not to jump too quickly to conclusions or be too quick to respond harshly.

Ultimately, I might decide to ask her why she slammed the door or simply make a request that she not to do that because it hurts my ears. But I would also take the slam as a cue to actively notice and tune in to her emotional state. I slow myself down to notice her facial expression, body posture and the like. This may give me most of the information I need to make a preliminary assumption and then tailor my question or request accordingly.

If I can see that she is in a sullen mood, I can ask her how her day was out of concern and take it from there. Later on, when she is in a better mood, I can address the door slam and avoid a fight that might have ensued if I had confronted her the moment she walked in.

People often make snap judgments and reactions. In a moment of tension or conflict, it is important to remember that our brains are generalizing and drawing assumptions based on our prior experiences and histories. We have the choice, however, to remain open to new information, to increases our understanding of what is happening between two people in the present moment, and to curtail assumptions.

Since everyone is different, if we generalize based on our quick assumptions, which come from our unique histories, we lose valuable information available in the present. We need to try to see and understand a current moment through the minds of others, and not only as a reflection of our own unique lens and our own unique history. We can do that by keeping an open mind first and foremost. After that, there is communication. When someone in our midst acts in a way we don’t like, there is nothing better than communicating our curiosity and desire to understand their true intent.

Read More 看完整內容

周六(7/25)1.七種 寂寞型態 2.有寵物的人 較長壽?

星期六 聚會時間 晚上7:00-9:30

板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉

七種 寂寞型態

7 Types of Loneliness, and Why It Matters                 psychologytoday

One major challenge within happiness is loneliness. The more I’ve learned about happiness, the more I’ve come to believe that loneliness is a common and important obstacle to consider.

To be happy, we need intimate bonds; we need to be able to confide, we need to feel like we belong, we need to be able to get and give support. In fact, strong relationships are key — perhaps the key — to a happy life.

Of course, being alone and being lonely aren’t the same. Loneliness feels draining, distracting, and upsetting; desired solitude feels peaceful, creative, restorative.

It seems to me that there are several types of loneliness. Of course, not everyone experiences loneliness in the situations described — for instance, not everyone wants a romantic partner. But for some people, the lack of certain kinds of relationships brings loneliness.

Once we’ve pinpointed the particular kind of loneliness we’re experiencing, it may be easier to spot ways to address it.

Here are some types I’ve identified. What have I overlooked?

7 Types of Loneliness

1. New-situation loneliness. You’ve moved to a new city where you don’t know anyone, or you’ve started a new job, or you’ve started at a school full of unfamiliar faces. You’re lonely.

2. I’m-different loneliness. You’re in a place that’s not unfamiliar, but you feel different from other people in an important way that makes you feel isolated. Maybe your faith is really important to you, and the people around you don’t share that — or vice versa. Maybe everyone loves doing outdoor activities, but you don’t — or vice versa. It feels hard to connect with others about the things you find important. Or maybe you’re just hit with the loneliness that hits all of us sometimes — the loneliness that’s part of the human condition.

3. No-sweetheart loneliness. Even if you have lots of family and friends, you feel lonely because you don’t have the intimate attachment of a romantic partner. Or maybe you have a partner, but you don’t feel a deep connection to that person.

4. No-animal loneliness. Many people have a deep need to connect with animals. If this describes you, you’re sustained by these relationships in a way that human relationships don’t replace. While I love my dog Barnaby, I don’t feel this myself — but many people feel like something important is missing if they don’t have a dog or cat (or less conveniently, a horse) in their lives.

5. No-time-for-me loneliness. Sometimes you’re surrounded by people who seem friendly enough, but they don’t want to make the jump from friendly to friends. Maybe they’re too busy with their own lives, or they have lots of friends already, so while you’d like a deeper connection, they don’t seem interested. Or maybe your existing friends have entered a new phase that means they no longer have time for the things you all used to do — everyone has started working very long hours, or has started a family, so that your social scene has changed.

article continues after advertisement

6. Untrustworthy-friends loneliness. Sometimes, you get in a situation where you begin to doubt whether your friends are truly well-intentioned, kind, and helpful. You’re “friends” with people but don’t quite trust them. An important element of friendship is the ability to confide and trust, so if that’s missing, you may feel lonely, even if you have fun with your friends.

7. Quiet-presence loneliness. Sometimes, you may feel lonely because you miss having someone else’s quiet presence. You may have an active social circle at work, or have plenty of friends and family, but you miss having someone to hang out with at home — whether that would mean living with a roommate, a family member, or a sweetheart. Just someone who’s fixing a cup of coffee in the next room, or reading on the sofa.

It’s important to realize why we feel lonely, because only then can we see how we might address it. If you’re no-time-for-me lonely, for instance, maybe a solution would be to work with people on a project, where you’d be doing an endeavor together, on something you’ve all made time for. My mother once noted — and I think it’s very true — it’s easier to make friends when you’re working on a project together.

Loneliness is a major factor in unhappiness, so it’s an important area to tackle if you’re working on making yourself happier.

One of the keys — maybe the key — to happiness is strong connections to other people. The lack of these bonds, even temporarily, is a major happiness stumbling block. Have you found any good ways to understand and deal with loneliness?

  

有寵物的人 較長壽?

Can Having a Pet Help You Live Longer?     verywellhealth

Pets offer love, companionship and even exercise if you’ve got a dog that needs to get outdoors every day. They're family, no doubt about it, but can they actually help extend your life?

The verdict on whether pets can help you live longer is a bit astonishing, even to the researchers who discovered it. University of California, Riverside health researchers Howard Friedman and Leslie Martin analyzed data collected from an 80-year study of 1,500 people. The study, initiated in 1921 by psychologist Lewis Terman, is one of the only long-term studies that follow people from their childhood onward.

About the Findings

Subjects in their 60s were asked detailed questions about how often they played with pets. After fourteen years researchers analyzed mortality data. Results suggest that interacting with pets played no role in the participants’ likelihood of surviving. The results were the same even when Friedman and Martin examined only people who were socially isolated, for whom a close relationship with an animal might be more important.

However, a more recent meta-analysis, published in the journal Circulation in 2019, came to a different conclusion. Looking at data from studies between 1950 and May 2019, they found that dog owners live longer than those without a dog. The benefit was greatest for those who had a history of heart attack and there was a 65% reduced risk of mortality.

The Value of Relationships

Friedman and Martin concluded that being connected to other people in their community did, in fact, enhance the subjects' longevity. These findings seem to conflict with other data about the value of social relationships for people as they age. For example, research published in 1980 found that the one-year survival rate for people discharged from a coronary care unit was greater for those with a pet.

Ground-breaking research in the late 1970s by psychologists Ellen Langer and Judith Rodin found that just having to care for a houseplant kept elderly nursing home residents happier and alive longer. Though that finding was cited as a reason to give residents more control over their environment, it follows that a sense of responsibility and emotional interaction — the same emotions involved for pet owners — might account for the improved longevity.

The Benefits of Animal Companionship

Certainly interacting with animals has been found to improve quality of life. Animal-assisted therapy programs that use pets as mascots or therapy animals are widely implemented in hospitals and nursing homes and have been shown to improve depression and loneliness in the elderly.

In Japan, where concerns about allergic reactions and bites have kept nursing homes from employing live pets, robotic therapy animals have been substituted with much success. In particular, Paro, a robotic seal with artificial fur and a lovable face, has been used in several countries, including Japan, Denmark, Sweden, Italy and the United States. A 2011 paper published in Gerontology describes the improvement in depression scores of residents in nursing homes employing the robotic seal.​

People rely on dogs for company, friendship, and affection. Recent data suggests that they may also extend your life. And it is not only dogs. A study published in the Journal of Vascular and Interventional Neurology in 2009 looking at over 4000 people over 20 years found that people who own cats have a decreased risk for death due to heart attack or stroke.

Read More 看完整內容

周五(7/24)1.一袋鈔票--誠實度測試 2.不要再 死硬派

聚會時間 晚上7:00-9:30

板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉

一袋鈔票--誠實度測試

What do you do if you find a bag of cash?

What would you do if you were renovating your newly purchased home, and found a bag containing $100,000 in $20 bills hidden above a ceiling panel in the bathroom?

Do you keep it and say nothing, turn it over to the police, or quietly sell the house and take the cash with you?

That was the problem faced last month by a couple in Trois-Rivieres, Quebec.

They purchased the house at 2620 Andr St. in June from a bank that had repossessed it when the mortgage went into default.

The former owner of the house was Marc-Andr Hinse, the alleged head of the Hells Angels motorcycle gang in Trois-Rivieres. Local police have been looking for Hinse since May 2004, when they carried out raids on members of the biker gang.

At the time, the police executed a search warrant on the house, but missed the plastic bag containing the money. After the police were finished, the bank took over and eventually sold the place.

After I heard about the discovery in Trois-Rivieres, I began to wonder who was entitled to the bathroom bounty. I hunted down a copy of Principles of Property Law, a popular text for first-year law students written by professor Bruce Ziff of the University of Alberta.

An entire chapter about lost objects begins with the comment, "The law of finding is not an area of pressing practical concern."

The statement, of course, is quite true unless you happen to find a bag full of money hidden in your house, and you don't know or don't want to know who it belongs to.

That's what happened to a Toronto lawyer back in 1988 while his contractors were renovating an 1880s Victorian house he had purchased. When nearly $50,000 came raining down on the contractors from the ceiling, everybody wanted the money the owner, the daughter of the former owner, and of course, the workers.

Sadly, the outcome remains a mystery, as the parties signed a non-disclosure agreement when the case was settled.

Although Quebec laws may differ, the law in Ontario is "finders keepers."

In other words, the finder of an item gets good title to it against the whole world except for the rightful owner. But the rule gets muddied when the article has been abandoned, or is the proceeds of crime.

If there is proof that the bathroom bounty came from criminal activity, it can be seized.

Was the Trois-Rivieres money abandoned by whoever put it in the ceiling? Can anyone prove it is the proceeds of crime?

What is the risk that an imposing gentleman in leather attire and driving a large two-wheeled vehicle would knock on the door one day and politely request the return of his missing property?

Meantime, the $100,000 has been turned over to the local police and its fate is awaiting a determination by the Quebec court.

The judge hearing the case will no doubt recall the 1969 British case of Moffat v. Kazana.

In that case, Kazana purchased a house in 1961 and three years later workers dislodged a biscuit tin containing almost 2,000 from the chimney. Kazana turned the money over to the police, who eventually gave it back to him.

Then the former owners, a couple named Russell, sued Kazana claiming ownership of the loot.

The court awarded the money and the tin to the Russells who were the "true owners," concluding that they simply forgot about it but never abandoned the intent to own it.

Another interesting finder's case occurred in 1949 when a 12-year old boy playing with his friends crawled under a pool-room in Fort Frances and discovered about $1,500 in a tin resting on the support beams of the building. At the time, $1,500 was a huge sum of money.

The police seized the cash but the Ontario High Court eventually awarded it to the youngster when no one came forward to claim it.

If you owned 2620 Andr St. in Trois-Rivieres, and discovered $100,000 in the ceiling of your bathroom, what would you do with the money?

I'd love to hear from you by fax or email. I'll report the results of the case when and more importantly, if they become available.

不要再 死硬派!

How to Stop Being Stubborn

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Have the words headstrong, obstinate and unwilling to change been used to describe you? Standing your ground is important, but so are compromise, cooperation, and collaboration. Your stubbornness may be the reason you aren’t being invited to events, and you may be losing friendships and even job prospects. If you put your foot down and refuse to budge on anything, then it is time for change. Taking charge of your stubbornness involves using practical techniques, developing negotiation skills and analyzing the reasons for your stubbornness.

    Listen to the other side of the story. You may agree with some of the things you hear, and disagree with others. This gives you a chance to hear things you may not have heard before, and also increases your chances to reach an agreement. When both parties listen to each other, it makes things easier for everyone.[1]

        If you are filling your head with all the reasons to say “no” as the person is talking, you are not actively listening. If it is difficult for you to listen, say to the other person, “Okay, I’m listening to what you have to say.” This will force you to pause and focus on the person talking.

        Maintain good eye contact. This will help you stay focused and also will convey your interest in hearing what the other person has to say.

        Do not interrupt the person talking. Instead, wait until he is done to address the matter. Repeat back in similar wording what you heard him say. Each time you do this it builds your credibility as an active listener.[

        If the person talking is upset, happy, or passionate about what he is saying you can reply, “It sounds like you are really excited about this opportunity. I can see why this is so important to you.” People like to be heard and listened to. When you correctly repeat back to people what you heard, they know you have been listening.

    Remind yourself that you are not always right. While listening to someone talk, you may think everything he says is wrong because you know "the right way." There is a distinction between facts and opinions. Your opinion is not the only one that matters, nor is all your knowledge necessarily correct. You have to accept that you learn something new every day, even if it overwrites something you thought you already knew.

        You are entitled to have an opinion, but you cannot expect others to always agree with you. Repeating your opinion louder, or more often, or with judgmental slurs attached, will not convince anyone to agree with you. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

        No one likes a know-it-all. If maintaining relationships with family, friends and business is important, you must consider your likability.

      Keep an open mind by reserving judgement. Enter any discussion and situation with an open, neutral mindset, without prejudice, or judgement. Approach with the attitude that you are willing to hear what someone has to say so you can make a fair decision, rather than a rash decision. Considering everyone’s input prevents closing off the possibility for a positive outcome.

        Prevent yourself from jumping to a negative conclusion by using visualization techniques.[4] For example, close your eyes and envision a box filled with all the negative things you believe about the person or the event you are supposed to attend. Picture yourself closing the box and putting a lock on it and setting it to the side. Open your eyes and take a step forward symbolically moving away from your stubbornness. This should help you start the conversation with an open mind.

        Focus on the positive feeling that results from a good outcome and let that motivate you through the situation.

    Be humble. Don't always assign people less value than yourself. Think about everyone as being equal. It is okay to be confident and have healthy self-esteem, but over doing it can make you appear stubborn and closed-minded, not to mention snobby, self-centered and even mean.

        To be humble you need to approach every situation from the perspective that you are grateful for what you have. Don't boast about your accomplishments. Be appreciative for what you have and for the people in your life. If you never lose sight of this and uphold a high level of care for others, you will see your stubbornness decrease.

        Humility requires you to hold a modest opinion of yourself rather than an inflated one. For example, if you hold an advanced college degree, don’t think less of someone who doesn’t have one. There are all sorts of reasons why people don’t go to college, and many of these people might be more successful than you.

    Build rapport to lessen tension. Don’t use stubbornness to get what you want, instead learn the essentials of negotiation so you can compromise, cooperate and collaborate. You will get what you want in a more effective and professional manner. Building rapport is the first step. People tend to let down their guard with those who share common interests. If you put your stubbornness aside and relate to people, they will respond in a positive way.

        Find common ground with people by simply noticing a photograph or piece of art on the wall or on the person’s desk and say, “That is a great shot. It looks like a place I saw in New Mexico. Where did you take that?”

        To find common ground with people steer toward conversations about the weather, pets and children. People respond to people they can relate to. Find a subject matter the person can relate to and talk about it. Bringing the

Read More 看完整內容