周五 (1/1) 1.愛的賀爾蒙 2.驅魔 與心理

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 --- 板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

愛的賀爾蒙

Oxytocin: The love hormone?

medicalnewstoday

 

    Oxytocin is produced in the hypothalamus and released during sex, childbirth, and lactation to aid reproductive functions.

    It has physical and psychological effects, including influencing social behavior and emotion.

    Oxytocin is prescribed as a drug for obstetric and gynecological reasons and can help in childbirth.

    Research shows that it may benefit people with an autistic spectrum disorder (ASD), anxiety, and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).

 

Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter and a hormone that is produced in the hypothalamus. From there, it is transported to and secreted by the pituitary gland, at the base of the brain.

 

It plays a role in the female reproductive functions, from sexual activity to childbirth and breast feeding. Stimulation of the nipples triggers its release.

 

During labor, oxytocin increases uterine motility, causing contractions in the muscles of the uterus, or womb. As the cervix and vagina start to widen for labor, oxytocin is released. This widening increases as further contractions occur.

 

Oxytocin also has social functions. It impacts bonding behavior, the creation of group memories, social recognition, and other social functions.

Oxytocin appears to play a role in social interaction and relationships between people.

 

When oxytocin enters the bloodstream, it affects the uterus and lactation, but when it is released into certain parts of the brain, it can impact emotional, cognitive, and social behaviors.

 

One review of research into oxytocin states that the hormone’s impact on “pro-social behaviors” and emotional responses contributes to relaxation, trust, and psychological stability.

 

Brain oxytocin also appears to reduce stress responses, including anxiety. These effects have been seen in a number of species.

 

The hormone has been described as “an important component of a complex neurochemical system that allows the body to adapt to highly emotive situations.”

Is it that simple?

 

In 2006, investigators reported finding higher levels of oxytocin and cortisol among women who had “gaps in their social relationships” and more negative relations with their primary partner. The participants were all receiving hormone therapy (HT) following menopause.

 

Animal studies have found high levels of both stress and oxytocin in voles that were separated from other voles. However, when the voles were given doses of oxytocin, their levels of anxiety, cardiac stress, and depression fell, suggesting that stress increases internal production of the hormone, while externally supplied doses can help reduce stress.

 

Clearly, the action of oxytocin is not straightforward.

 

A review published in 2013 cautions that oxytocin is likely to have general rather than specific effects, and that oxytocin alone is unlikely to affect “complex, high-order mental processes that are specific to social cognition.” The authors also point out that a willingness to collaborate is likely to be driven by anxiety in the first place.

 

Nevertheless, oxytocin does appear to be associated with social behavior, including maternal care, bonding between couples, sexual behavior, social memory, and trust.

 

Delivering oxytocin through a nasal spray has allowed researchers to observe its effects on behavior.

 

In 2011, research published in Psychopharmacology found that intranasal oxytocin improved self-perception in social situations and increased personality traits such as warmth, trust, altruism, and openness.

 

In 2013, a study published in PNAS suggested that oxytocin may help keep men faithful to their partners, by activating the reward centers in the brain.

 

In 2014, researchers published findings in the journal Emotion suggesting that people saw facial expression of emotions in others more intensely after receiving oxytocin through a nasal spray.

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Hormones are chemicals produced by different glands across your body. They travel through the bloodstream, acting as messengers and playing a part in many bodily processes.

One of these important functions? Helping regulate your mood.

Certain hormones are known to help promote positive feelings, including happiness and pleasure.

These “happy hormones” include:

    Dopamine. Also known as the “feel-good” hormone, dopamine is a hormone and neurotransmitter that’s an important part of your brain’s reward system. Dopamine is associated with pleasurable sensations, along with learning, memory, motor system function, and more.

    Serotonin. This hormone (and neurotransmitter) helps regulate your mood as well as your sleep, appetite, digestion, learning ability, and memory.

    Oxytocin. Often called the “love hormone,” oxytocin is essential for childbirth, breastfeeding, and strong parent-child bonding. This hormone can also help promote trust, empathy, and bonding in relationships, and oxytocin levels generally increase with physical affection like kissing, cuddling, and sex.

    Endorphins. Endorphins are your body’s natural pain reliever, which your body produces in response to stress or discomfort. Endorphin levels also tend to increase when you engage in reward-producing activities, such as eating, working out, or having sex. 

驅魔 與心理

Exorcism: When is it appropriate?

Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.

 

The Washington Post printed a story the other day on a priest by the name of Andrzej Trojanowski who is planning to build out a center for exorcism in Poland. The act of exorcism involves the expulsion of an evil spirit or demon who has taken residence inside a person. As an activity designed to rid a person of negative influences affecting their mental state and behavior, exorcism is remarkably like psychotherapy. It is, however, definitively not thought of as a variety of psychotherapy by practitioners, who are careful to separate it from a treatment for mental illness. A quote from the Post article makes the point:

 

"Exorcists said they are careful not to treat people suffering from mental illness and that they regularly consult with psychologists and physicians."

 

In other words, exorcism is specifically thought of as a treatment for a spiritual problem (e.g., demon possession) and this class of problem is thought of as distinct from a mental or physical problem. This distinction being made between mental and spiritual problems is a critical point to focus on, I think. The basis on which this distinction stands or falls is, it seems to me, a cultural or religious one; on whether or not you are one of the faithful. If you have faith in the system of theological thought underlying the exorcism rite, then the distinction between the mental and spiritual is sound and the treatment is absolutely important, necessary and even precise. If you do not believe, then the distinction collapses and the treatment is just another non-evidence-based folk remedy which might do more harm than good if mis-applied. I wrote about just this sort of cultural faith vs. science clash in my recent essay on the nature of psychosis, in which I pointed out that in such cases, each side of the divide tends to view the other as being a little psychotic (e.g., a little out of touch with true reality). I find this sort of belief divide to be fascinating and powerful. It’s just the sort of distinction that forces people who focus on it to stop being wishy-washy and come to a conclusion about their own personal understanding of who is out of touch with reality and who isn’t.

 

I’m wondering what assessment criteria might be used when trying to determine when a problem is spiritual and when a problem is mental. The article does not speak to how this determination is made and it is important to know more about it. How do we know when a person’s problem is caused by evil forces and when their problem is caused by maladaptive behavior or belief patterns or subtle disease issues? The Post article doesn’t go into detail, but does describe some typical scenarios where exorcism is deemed an appropriate treatment:

 

"Typical cases, he said, include people who turn away from the church and embrace New Age therapies, alternative religions or the occult. Internet addicts and yoga devotees are also at risk, he said."

 

As part of my past caseload as a psychotherapist, I worked with a patient with Dissociative Identity Disorder , better known as Multiple Personality Disorder. It was a very disorienting, difficult and heart-breaking case. One of the truly remarkable things about sitting with this patient was how she would shift between personalities during session. At one moment she’d act like a normal adult, and in the next moment, like a regressed and abused five year old. It would have been very easy to think that this patient was possessed by a demon or three or eight, and yet, to my mind, demons had nothing to do with why the patient acted as she did. Vicious abuse had a lot to do with it, as did a talent for dissociation and a strong survival instinct, but I never met a demon. Would Rev. Trojanowski have come to the same conclusion as I did? Would he refer such a patient for psychotherapy and psychiatric assistance, or would he view this sort of case as an instance of demon possession?

 

For that matter, how would Rev. Trojanowski triage a person experiencing auditory hallucinations and paranoid delusions characteristic of Schizophrenia ? There is, unfortunately, no shortage of faithful persons of every religious persuasion who have paranoid schizophrenia and sincerely believe they are being assaulted by demons. To my mind, however, what they are actually being assaulted by are subtle but disabling forms of brain damage and dysregulation.

 

 

 

 

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周六(12/26)1.高情商人物特質 2.超級快樂人 特質

   板橋區文化路段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮院  左轉     PM7:30--9:30

高情商人物特質

10 Qualities of People With High Emotional Intelligence  inc.com
 
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have an unlimited amount of success in both their personal and professional lives? It could be because they possess high emotional intelligence.
 
According to Psychology Today, "Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others." This usually involves:
 
If you want to know if you have a high emotional intelligence (EI) or want to work on strengthening your EI in order to succeed in life and your career, here are 10 qualities that people with high EI all share.
 
1. They're not perfectionists.
 
Being a perfectionist can get in the way of completing tasks and achieving goals since it can lead to having trouble getting started, procrastinating, and looking for the right answer when there isn't one. This is why people with EI aren't perfectionists. They realize that perfection doesn't exist and push forward. If they make a mistake, they'll make adjustments and learn from it. This is one I personally have to work on daily as I tend to be a little more perfectionist.
 
2. They know how to balance work and play.
 
Working 24/7 and not taking care of yourself adds unnecessary stress and health problems to your life. Because of this, people with EI know when it's time to work and when to play. For example, if they need to disconnect from the world for a couple of hours, or even an entire weekend, they will because they need the time to unplug to reduce the stress levels.
 
3. They embrace change.
 
Instead of dreading change, emotionally intelligent people realize that change is a part of life. Being afraid of change hinders success, so they adapt to the changes around them and always have a plan in place should any sort of change occur.
 
4. They don't get easily distracted.
 
People with high EI have the ability to pay attention to the task at hand and aren't easily distracted by their surroundings, such as text or random thought.
 
5. They're empathetic.
 
Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, told The Huffington Post that empathy is one of the five components of emotional intelligence. In fact, being able to relate to others, show compassion, and take the time to help someone are all crucial components of EI. Additionally, being empathic makes people with EI curious about other people and and leads them to ask lots of questions whenever they meet someone new.
 
6. They know their strengths and weaknesses.
 
Emotionally intelligent people know what they're good at and what they're not so great at. They've not just accepted their strengths and weaknesses; they also know how to leverage their strengths and weaknesses by working with the right people in the right situation.
 
7. They're self-motivated.
 
Were you that ambitious and hard-working kid who was motivated to achieve a goal--and not just because there was a reward at the end? Being a real go-getter, even at a young age, is another quality possessed by people with EI.
 
8. They don't dwell in the past.
 
People with high EI don't have the time to dwell in the past because they're too busy contemplating the possibilities that tomorrow will bring. They don't let past mistakes consume them with negativity. They don't hold grudges. Both add stress and prevent us from moving forward.
 
9. They focus on the positive.
 
Emotionally intelligent people would rather devote their time and energy to solving a problem. Instead of harping on the negative, they look at the positive and what they have control over. Furthermore, they also spend their time with other positive people and not the people who constantly complain.
 
10. They set boundaries.
 
While people with high EI may seem like pushovers because of their politeness and compassion, they actually have the power to establish boundaries. For example, they know how to say no to others. The reason? It prevents them from getting overwhelmed, burned out, and stressed because they have too many commitments. Instead, they're aware that saying no frees them up from completing previous commitments.
 

超級快樂人 特質
5 Personality Traits Super Happy People Share
Melody  melodywilding
 
Are you happy? Only 33 percent of people would reply “yes” to that question, according to the 2017 Harris Poll Survey of American Happiness. Those results are perhaps unsurprising. We face more pressure now than ever before in our lives and careers. The world is an increasingly chaotic, noisy place.
 
Most of all, happiness means different things to different people, and because of that, there are many paths to achieve it. While one person may thrive in a fast-paced, competitive environment, another person may value being able to do their work alone in solitude.
 
While the “how” of happiness may vary between individuals, new research has found that there are a few personality traits that correlate strongly to being happy and having better well-being.
 
The study conducted by positive psychologists, Jessie Sun, Scott Barry Kaufman, and Luke D. Smillie, broke down the classic Big Five personality framework into more nuanced dimensions, which allowed them to paint a more specific picture of what contributes to well-being and happiness. Their results showed…
Five Different “Personal Paths to Well-being”
1. Enthusiasm
 
Sociable and expressive, enthusiastic people love to laugh and have fun. They tend to have more positive emotions, self-acceptance, and purpose in life. This reflects in their happiness levels: people high in enthusiasm report higher life satisfaction and stronger relationships.
 
2. Low withdrawal
 
Everyone gets overwhelmed and turns inwards sometimes, but those low in withdrawal handle it more gracefully. They are lower in neuroticism, which means they experience less anxiety and aren’t as self-conscious. Put simply, they are more emotionally stable and less reactive to stress.
 
3. Industriousness
 
Perfectionists and productivity lovers rejoice! According to this study, being high in elements of conscientiousness is a good thing. The propensity to think ahead, plan, work hard, and follow through are not only linked to high-achievement, but also a feeling of mastery and engagement in life.
 
4. Compassion
 
Thoughtful, empathic people can get ahead after all. People who are compassionate care about others’ well-being, and as a result, increase their own. So go ahead and spend some time today practicing gratitude or helping someone in your network. It’ll be well worth the time investment.
 
5. Intellectual Curiosity
 
Those who are intellectually curious love to solve complex problems, yet are open to new ideas. They reflect, think deeply, and challenge themselves to grow.
 
Assertiveness and creative openness were two traits also predictive of certain aspects of well-being, but less so than the five above. Additionally, the study found that politeness, orderliness, and volatility were not at all predictive of well-being.
 
Can any of these traits be acquired or developed? “Relax!” Kaufman says, “Personality can be changed. A large number of scientific studies are piling up now showing that interventions exist to change personality.”
 
One place to start is getting control over negative thinking and emotions. You’re capable of more growth than you think.
 

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周五 (12/25) 1.味道讓妳快樂?八種快樂味道 2.耶誕裝飾讓妳快樂!

 新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 --- 板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

味道讓妳快樂?八種快樂味道

Why sniffing your partner’s used clothing could make you happier
Lucy Fry  theguardian
 
The smell – and clothes – of a loved one could have a powerfully calming effect. So claims a study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which tested 96 women, who were asked to randomly smell one of three scents – a male partner’s, a stranger’s or a neutral scent. Those who caught a whiff of their partner tended to experience a reduction in stress hormones, while those forced to sniff a stranger experienced the opposite. The study suggested that sniffing a partner’s used clothing had a calming effect.
 
Does this work for men, too? The psychotherapist and psychologist Peter Klein says not so much: “You often hear of a woman wearing partner’s T-shirt, but you rarely hear of a man wearing his girlfriend’s T-shirt! Research suggests women have a better developed sense of smell and men are more visually stimulated, so men would be more likely to experience stress reduction through seeing their partner’s clothing.”
 
He adds: “How close a woman feels towards her male partner – how much oxytocin she experiences when she’s with them or how happy she is in the relationship – will also affect how comforting she finds smelling the clothing.”
 
What about the woman in Bristol who has offered £15,000 to a designer who could make a replica of her dead mother’s wedding dress from 1953 – also incorporating in the creation some of her mother’s hair as a “special memento”? She began collecting the hair four years before her mother died.
 
“This sounds like it’s taking the idea of something old and borrowed to an extreme, that might be considered macabre, but perhaps for this woman it’s part of something constructive [a grieving process],” says psychotherapist Toby Ingham. “Smells can be tremendously powerful and momentarily interrupt the chain of associations and experiences that make up the stress. They seem to operate a particular kind of hotwire to our store of feelings and memories.”
 
But before you start stockpiling your loved ones’ dirty clothing (or pulling hairs out of their head), consider a simple phone call. Research from Stanford University School of Medicine found that children were immediately soothed by hearing their mother’s voice, while an earlier study of teenagers found that just hearing their mother’s voice can release oxytocin, the happy hormone.
 
8 Smells That Can Make You Happier, According to Science
Chelsea StoneUpdated
 
The key to happiness might be right under your nose.
 
Research has found that this festive aroma, often associated with the winter holidays, helps to reduce stress. A study conducted at Japan’s Kyoto University took a deeper look at a Japanese custom of taking a soothing forest stroll known as shinrin-yoku, or “forest bathing,” and found that depression and anxiety were significantly reduced in participants on days when they walked through the country’s pine-filled woods. Don’t miss these other ways nature is medicine for your brain.
 
Citrus
 
If you’re in need of a pick-me-up, try sniffing some citrus. The smell of the vitamin C-packed fruits has been shown to boost energy and alertness, and studies have revealed that lemon scents in particular can reduce stress and leave a positive impression on others. (Here are 8 more ways to make a good impression.) Thanks to over 50 years of advertising and marketing campaigns for household cleaners like Joy dish soap, we tend to associate citrus smells as clean and pleasant. Learn how to clean with lemon instead of chemicals to make your whole home smell happy.
 
Sunscreen
 
If the smell of sunscreen reminds you of bright beach days and tropical getaways, you’re not alone. This scent’s positive effects are rooted in its association with stress-free vacation time, when you are typically more relaxed and happy than usual. Check out these other 50 tiny changes that will make you happier.
 
Rosemary
 
Primarily known as a flavor agent, rosemary has been shown to amplify brain power. (Here are 25 more brain-boosting foods to add to your diet.) Studies have found that the smell of the herb enhanced participants ability to remember complex events and tasks, and scientists say the research could lead the way to treating memory loss. Until they create that treatment, steal these habits of people with impressive memories.
 
Baby powder
 
If you love the smell of baby powder, you might be having a nostalgic response. Experts say that the baby powder smell reminds us of the safety and security we felt as children; for parents, it invokes memories of the happiness they felt when their children were young. No matter what age you are, you can use these 10 tricks for having a happy weekend as a family.

耶誕裝飾讓妳快樂!
Decorating early for Christmas can make you happier, experts say
Emily Van de Riet, Digital Content Producer
 
– If you are someone who likes to put up the Christmas tree before Thanksgiving, some experts say doing so is actually a good idea.
 
psychoanalyst Steve McKeown said there are a number of reasons people like to decorate early for Christmas, but that the holiday spirit can increase happiness.
 
“In a world full of stress and anxiety people like to associate to things that make them happy and Christmas decorations evoke those strong feelings of the childhood,” McKeown told UNILAD. “Decorations are simply an anchor or pathway to those old childhood magical emotions of excitement. So putting up those Christmas decorations early extend the excitement.”
 
Psychotherapist and best-selling author Amy Morin agreed. She said the holiday season stirs up a sense of nostalgia, which brings happiness to many people.
 
“Nostalgia helps link people to their personal past and it helps people understand their identity. For many putting up Christmas decorations early is a way for them to reconnect with their childhoods,”
---
Putting Your Holiday Decorations Up Early Could Make You Happier, According to Experts
Good Housekeeping Editors
 
We can all agree that 2020 has been a tough year — so if you're looking to inject a bit of joy into your life right now, allow us to make the case for setting up your Christmas tree and lights ASAP: Celebrating early might make you happier.
 
According to experts, stores that stock holiday decor in the fall have the right idea. The secret is a technique psychologists call savoring, a way to fully absorb life's special moments. In other words, thinking about and planning a holiday extends its bliss beyond a few short weeks. One study found that anticipation in the weeks before a vacation is a big part of the happiness the vacation brings — and it works the same way with holidays.
 
"In a world full of stress and anxiety, people like to associate to things that make them happy and Christmas decorations evoke those strong feelings of the childhood," psychoanalyst Steve McKeown told Unilad. "Decorations are simply an anchor or pathway to those old childhood magical emotions of excitement. So putting up those Christmas decorations early extends the excitement!"
 
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Another perk of decorating for the holidays on the earlier side? It could help bring some joy to the people in your neighborhood and help you make some new friends, too. The Journal of Environmental Psychology reports that decorating your home for the holidays tells your neighbors that you're accessible and that people perceive those who put up holiday decorations to be friendlier. (Earlier this year, people across the U.S. started putting their Christmas lights back up as a sign of hope amid the coronavirus pandemic.)
 
Finally, psychotherapist and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't, Amy Morin, also told Unilad that the holidays trigger nostalgia, which can provide some uplifting positivity, too. "Nostalgia helps link people to their personal past and it helps people understand their identity. For many, putting up Christmas decorations early is a way for them to reconnect with their childhoods."
 
Now that you're fully convinced to put this theory to the test by decking the halls the day after Halloween, here are a few more expert tricks to try the "savoring" technique throughout the holiday season this year:
 
•Have an intermission. Try taking a break in the middle of gift giving, or waiting an hour before serving dessert at your holiday feast. Even a brief hiatus from something enjoyable can reset your pleasure level.
 
•Create mini traditions. Engaging in a short ritual before doing something you like can make your experience even better. Study subjects told to unwrap and eat a chocolate bar in a specific step-by-step style savored it much more. Find ways to turn tree decorating into a fun routine.
 
•Take a photo...in your head. If you snap a mental picture of an unexpected delight, like your kid’s face as she bites into a gingerbread cookie, you can replay those images in your mind later and instantly rekindle the positive emotions.
 
•Give thanks freely and often. Research suggests that the act of saying thank you can actually increase our own happiness by making us more aware of positive feelings.
 
•Treat joy as if it’s finite. The awareness of an ending encourages us to seize the moment while it lasts. Acknowledging that your tree will come down soon and your extended family will go home (Sob! But also, phew!) can help you treasure all of it even more.

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周五 (12/18)1.卡在人生道路中? 2.背後說壞話

   新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 --- 板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

卡在人生道路中?
Feeling Stuck in Life? 10 Powerful Ways to Free Yourself
Steve Mueller
 
Are you feeling stuck in life? Many people do. Sometimes it feels as if we simply cannot move on with our life. As if there was something that kept us from pursuing our dreams. Consequently, we feel limited and simply do not know what to do. We have no idea how to break free from the limitations that are imposed upon us. What is worse, we do not even know what it is that imposes these limitations on us. It’s quite scary to be confronted with an invisible obstacle you cannot seem to tackle. Even though the situation may seem hopeless, there’s much you can do about it. In fact, there are a variety of highly efficient tactics and powerful tricks you can use to free yourself from being stuck in a rut.
 
There’s an interesting aspect to the feeling of being stuck. Many people who report that they’re feeling overwhelmed, confused or stuck in a rut are—in many cases—quite talented, intelligent and ambitious. In fact, various brilliant people found themselves stuck in life, ranging from Albert Einstein to Walt Disney. These prominent examples show us that people who are feeling stuck in life still have the potential to accomplish a great deal in life IF they are able to overcome what is holding them back.
 
If you do not know how to precisely tackle the issue, breaking free from feeling stuck in life can be really difficult. The harder you try to get out of it, the more you’re getting stuck. That’s the big problem with being stuck in a rut. It gradually weakens your strength to get unstuck. The situation is comparable to the attempt of breaking free from quicksand. The more you struggle, the deeper you’ll get in it. But if you do know that the only way out of quicksand is to stop panicking, to lie on your back and to drag your feet out, the obstacle can be overcome.
 
The same holds true for feeling stuck in life. If you’re thinking really hard about your situation, you’ll find yourself walking around in a circle. It will get you nowhere. But like a comic figure that keeps walking around in circles, you’ll only create an ever deeper (mental) groove. There’s no point in overthinking the problem. In fact, continuously pondering about the problem will only get you deeper into the groove.
 
It doesn’t matter so much what obstacle is blocking your progress. What matters is that you learn to move forward despite being confronted with challenges. You have all the power you need to take the necessary steps to break out of the rut. However, every fiber of your body must be willing to effect this change. Breaking free from whatever holding you back is always a choice. Take this choice and learn to gain more control over your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
 
Here’s what you can do to free yourself from being stuck in a rut.
1. Face your fears
 
People are unable to move forward because they are afraid.
 
Whatever we fear limits us. In many cases, fear prohibits us from making any further progress in life. We’re afraid of the unknown, which is why we (unconsciously) sabotage our own development. We learn to accept the situation we find ourselves in. It simply seems more comfortable to remain where we are than to move on. Living a life without risks might seem a logical thing to do. But after a certain time, we become so used to our comfort zone that it’ll be difficult to ever break free from it. Slowly but surely, we begin to realize that this habit led us to become stuck in life.
 
At some point in life, we simply became afraid of going any further. We gave in to our fears. We allowed fear to stop our progress in life.
 
If we want to get unstuck, it’s important to change how we perceive our fears. We might not be able to stop being afraid of that which is to come, but we can learn to control our fears:
 
    Acknowledge your fears, but do not allow them to limit you.
    Seek to confront that which you are afraid of.
    Running away from your fears will most likely make things worse.
    Keep pushing forward in spite of your fears.
    Don’t allow your fear of losing what you have to stop you from moving on.
    Be not afraid of the work and time it takes to affect change.
    Feel your fear and do it anyway.
 
Everyone on this planet, and I mean really everyone, has fears. It’s not something to be ashamed of. Instead, try to think about the worst possible outcome of that which is causing your anxiety. While you think about this outcome, try to realize that even if the worst-case scenario were to happen, you would still be able to find a way out.
 
There’s no need to be afraid of failure. Be concerned about not having the courage to try.
 
If you really want to initiate positive change in your life, let go of the feeling that you are helpless. Do not allow your perceived powerlessness discourage you from making a change in your life. Most likely, it’s just your fear trying to persuade you to do nothing about your situation.
2. Break your routine
 
Developing a routine can be quite beneficial. It helps you to keep moving when the going gets tough. The development of habits will aid you to do quite complex things with the greatest ease. As such, routines provide you a fundament and structure you can work with.
 
While it’s certainly true that routine is helpful, it can also limit your progress in life. It can develop into restrictive rules and obligations difficult to break. Yet, we willingly abide these rules, because they give us a sense of security and control.
 
Moving on in life, however, requires us to break the existing structures from time to time. Breaking the rules gives us the opportunity to explore something out of the ordinary. It helps us to discover something new, surprising and exciting.
 
    Expand your horizon. Do something new every day.
    Avoid time-wasting and mindless routines. They prohibit your progress.
    Routinely break your routine. Make it a habit of exploring the unknown.
 
Break restricting routines whenever they need to be broken. Overcoming that what you’ve always done is really important. It will help you to break free from feeling stuck in life. Breaking out of the ordinary allows us to unstuck ourselves from everything that is keeping us behind. There is so much to be found outside your usual routine, you’ll only need the courage to explore it.
3. Effect change, one step at a time
 
If you’re feeling stuck in life, it’s important to overcome that which prevents you from moving forward. This might sound simple in theory, but it can become quite a struggle in real life. In fact, most people get overwhelmed by their attempts to break free from a rut. To them, it will seem as if they do everything they can, without ever accomplishing something.
 
For this reason, it’s not so important how much you do, but how you go about affecting change. Make sure to maintain your motivation by keeping a constant level of change. It’s better to tackle one problem after another than half-heartedly trying to address everything simultaneously. Not only will the sheer size of the problem overwhelm you, but it could also make you reluctant to truly free yourself.
 
    It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
    Confucius
 
Just don’t be too hard on yourself. Try to stick to one problem until it is solved. One problem after another. This way you can affect positive changes in your life step-by-step.
4. Overcome the perception of impossibilities
 
Feeling stuck in life can leave us not knowing what to do. It paralyzes us and diminishes our ability to see exciting new opportunities. Instead, we feel as if the options at hand are impossible to execute. We are torn between seemingly impossible options.
 
If every solution you can think of seems impossible to accomplish, you’ll get even more stuck. It’s an overwhelming situation. On one hand, you want to do something to affect change. On the other hand, everything that comes to mind seems unrealistic or impossible. As a result, you’re being pulled apart by multiple options that do not seem helpful to you.
 
Even though your situation may seem hopeless at times, there’s always something you can do about it. True impossibilities are very rare. It’s more likely that you’re simply overwhelmed by having too many choices.
 
As you can see, our thinking patterns can greatly contribute to the feeling of being stuck. If we think every option we have is impossible, no progress can be made. It’s our inflexibility what keeps us stuck. We might overthink the situation in our desperate attempt to maintain control over our life.
 
Instead of getting trapped by these thinking patterns, try to explore your options. It’s very likely that you already know a lot of directions you could move in. If that’s the case, try to find the one solution that you like the most and commit to the decision.
 
5. Change your perspective
 
When we feel stuck in life, we most certainly do not have a good overview of the situation. Unfortunately, the feeling of being stuck in a rut can heavily affect our perception of life. Instead of seeing a great deal of the broader perspective, our mind is imprisoned in a tiny little box.
 
It’s time to broaden your perspective!
 
Often times, we get stuck in life because we do not allow ourselves to become who we want to be. Instead, we adapt to the role various people expect us to play. We do not like it, but deep down we are convinced that it’s impossible to realize these dreams.
 
Time to break these negative beliefs.
 
Stop walking the same path you’ve always chosen. Explore new perspectives by taking other paths. Ask yourself what your real goals are. Explore what you’re passionate about. Discover what it is that truly energizes you. Find your true purpose in life. Challenge yourself to have a vision for your life.
 
All these things can fuel your motivation in the most astonishing ways. Discovering your vision and the pursuit of your passions can create a powerful drive. It can help you to liberate yourself from the vicious circle of being stuck.

背後說壞話
How to Stop Talking About Friends Behind Their Backs
wikiHow
 
Is that juicy nugget of information about your buddy nagging at you, begging you to release it to the rest of your friends? Do you feel the urge to gossip about others behind their back in order to make yourself look like the joker in the group or to make yourself a little more interesting? It might seem like a temptingly good idea at the time, to dump your friend right in the middle of a funny tale or an embarrassing moment but your friend won't think so... In fact, your friend will be questioning your loyalty along with your lack of tact.
 
If you talk about your pals behind their back, think about how it is likely to make them feel. Before you pass along one more morsel of information, stop and think about what you're doing. Then make a pact with yourself to stop talking about friends behind their back for good.
 
    1
 
    Explore what you think lies behind your urge to talk about your friends or share a piece of juicy gossip about a pal. Perhaps you think that it's harmless fun and perhaps you even feel a little proprietary over the information because it is about your friend after all. Or perhaps you think that dropping your friend's secrets or most embarrassing moments into the middle of a conversation will be funny and spares you having to say anything of the sort about yourself. Or are you currently unhappy with your life and talking about other friend’s misfortune or misery feeds your soul? Whatever the motivation behind your loose tongue, you need to get to the root of why you find it's okay to talk behind the back of your friends, in order to know how to stop. Consider which of the following is most applicable to you:
        Insecurity: People who are not comfortable in their own skin and who have insecurities will often pick apart others in order to feel better. And unfortunately, this can sometimes include those close to you, whose inner thoughts you know best of all, simply because you don't feel secure enough to find less personal topics of conversation with people who awe or overwhelm you.
        Boredom: Feel as if your life is totally boring and without excitement? Dragging out other’s dirty laundry can get the conversation started and cook up some thrills. However, this displays a lack of creativity in your conversation skills, so salving your boredom with your friend's information is both lazy and disloyal.
        Revenge: Some people may be angry with a friend and feel that the only way they will feel vindicated is to talk about them behind their back––whether they already hashed it out with the friend or not. Revenge as a motivation for doing anything is always a total fail when it comes to living a fulfilling life; it reveals a lack of self-respect, a lack of respect for others and a lack of self-restraint or personal responsibility for your actions. A friend never deserves having their dirty laundry aired as a panacea for your own annoyance or unhappiness with them.
        Protection: You may feel wronged, and want to warn other people in your circle of the "dangers" of having this person in their life represents. Consider that we often feel like victims in friendship by minor things, like selfishness, that really represent little danger to anyone. If this is the case, let your friends make up their own minds.
        Humor: During these sarcastic times when sitcom and reality TV stars hurl insults as if they were nothing, some folks think they are being funny by making snarky remarks about friends behind their back. Unfortunately for the air-headed TV "role models", funny doesn't even come into the equation and copying them is a sign of letting the brain go on vacation. Humor does not stoop to condescension, belittlement or gossip; if it does, it's not humor, it's muckraking.
        Thoughtlessness: You've assumed that since your friend seems to have a thick skin, that it's okay to talk about them without consideration for their feelings. Your friend does have feelings; they're just not flaunting them. At least you've got the gumption to admit you've been thoughtless. Now it's time to turn things around.
 
    2
 
    Consider the kind of damage you're doing. If you were to stop and recall your words and think about what you said, what kind of damage are you doing to another person? Place yourself into your friend's place and think about how you would feel if the things you've been saying to others were said about you by your friend. Suddenly it's not such a nice feeling when looked at this way. Your friend may be hurt by gossip, rumor mongering or exaggerated negative embellishment about their lives in one or more of the following ways:
        Personal reputation: Spreading gossip about another person, whether it’s true or not, can harm a person's reputation irreparably, especially since it's coming from a close source. Consider whether your gossiping ways are potentially destroying your friend’s reputation. If so, why do you believe you should bring down your friend like this? If you're gossiping because you seek revenge, this is no way to resolve your conflict. If it's because of thoughtlessness or a desire to look better at your friend's expense, it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start realizing that what you're doing is bringing about real harm.
        Business reputation: Are you ruining your friend’s livelihood just for personal fodder or perhaps even out of jealousy? Consider what your words could be doing to your friend’s financial security and business prospects. Think about how your rumor mongering could impact not only your friend, but also his or her family and staff.
        Family reputation: Even though you may be talking about your friend, your words could hurt his or her family, including your friend's children. Family members are innocent bystanders and should not be hurt or damaged by your words.
 
    3
 
    Get savvy in your communications. Know the difference between damaging gossip, venting to friends or simply conveying information about a friend. In some cases, you may be spreading great news about a friend without realizing that your friend might have preferred to keep it secret a while more (such as being pregnant or getting a job promotion). Or, you may be simply venting about a fight you had with one close friend, without thinking too hard about how this sounds to listeners outside of your inner circle. Knowing the difference between indiscriminately talking behind a friend’s back versus delivering information is important:
        Venting/clearing the air. We all need to let off some steam and if you’ve had a fight with a friend, you may want to consult with another pal to help you through the issue. Talking with a trusted friend whom you know without a doubt won’t talk about your discussion with others should be fine in most cases. Talking it out may provide you with insight and help you arrive at conflict resolution with your other friend. Avoid saying nasty things or calling your other friends names. Moreover, venting continuously to numerous people moves into gossipy territory.
        Gossip/talking behind a friend’s back. Taking information that has nothing to do with you (or in some cases information that does but is highly confidential) and freely discussing it with numerous people is considered to be gossip.
        Passing along news. For example, when a close friend has a baby, telling a bunch of people is not considered to be gossip provided your friend gives you her or his blessing to tell the world. On the other hand, if she has had three miscarriages in a row and doesn't want anyone to know she's pregnant again until she knows this baby is safely coming to term, saying anything without her permission is talking behind her back.
 

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周五 (12/11)1.自拍 更快樂? 2.美好的一天

   新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 --- 板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

自拍 更快樂?

Does taking more selfies make you happier?
Luisa Dillner
 
Want to be happy? Lift your smartphone in the air, angle it to the best side of your face, and click – because selfies make you happy, according to a recent report. Google estimates that, in 2014, at least 93m selfies a day were posted on Android phones alone, and the Pew Research Center says more than 91% of teenagers have posted a self portrait online.
 
But the ubiquitous selfie irritates the hell out of anyone over 40 years of age and is more usually associated in the media with unhappy outcomes. Last year, more people died worldwide while taking selfies than from shark attacks – mostly from falling but also from being hit by vehicles and even gored by a bull. The selfie has also been linked to mental health problems. In 2014, a study from Ohio State University found that men who posted the most selfies on social media scored highest on questionnaires for narcissistic and psychopathic traits. An editorial by Dr Pankaj Shah in the International Journal of Emergency Mental Health and Human Resilience also argued that taking selfies was addictive and that spending more than five minutes on a selfie or taking more than three to five a day may be “considered a disease”. So, when a hoax news report in 2014 claimed that Selfitis was a new mental health problem defined by the American Psychiatric Association as “the obsessive compulsive desire to take photos of one’s self and post them on social media”, many people believed it.
 
Selfies have been linked to body dysmorphic disorder (BDD, where people obsess about perceived flaws in their appearance) but, as Dr David Veale, a consultant psychiatrist at the South London and Maudsley NHS Trust, explains: “Some people with BDD use selfies as a way of checking their appearance – to see if they are as ugly as they feel they are. They are taken alone and people may store hundreds or thousands of pictures on their phone that are not shared with anyone. Selfie use in people without BDD is not pathological.”
 
But can selfies actually make us happy? Should we all start taking them?
The solution
 
The study that suggested selfies might be linked to happiness was relatively small. The selfie component included asking 14 students to smile (regardless of how they felt) and take pictures of themselves three times a day for three weeks. These pictures were kept on an Android app and only seen by the students and the researchers. Nothing was posted on social media but, when the students looked at their own smiling faces, their mood improved significantly. But Yu Chen, the lead author of the study, is adamant that it didn’t suggest taking selfies made the students happy. “It is not selfies that make you happy,” says Chen. “It is smiling that makes you happy.”
Science finds another reason to take a selfie - it makes you happier
Stacy Liberatore
 
While many call the selfie culture 'millennial narcissism', a new study has found that this movement may be enhancing people's overall well-being.
 
Researchers found that regularly snapping selfies and sharing the images with friends boosts people's mood and ultimately makes them happier.
 
The findings suggest that taking one selfie a day will improve your confidence and make you more comfortable with yourself.
 
Researchers found that snapping selfies and sharing the images with friends boosts people's mood and ultimately makes them a happier person. Kim Kardashian West is pictured taking a selfie
 
The first selfie is believed to have been taken in 1839 by an amateur chemist and photography enthusiast.
 
But these images have since evolved to become an important piece of our modern-day history.
 
Selfies have gained a bad reputation, as previous studies suggest people who snap and share lots of them are displaying dark traits – specifically narcissism.
 
Now, the University of California, Irvine has conducted 'first-of-its-kind' research that explores the effects photo taking has on self-perception, self-efficacy and pro-social behaviors.
 
'Our research showed that practicing exercises that can promote happiness via smartphone picture taking and sharing can lead to increased positive feelings for those who engage in it,' said lead author Yu Chen, a postdoctoral scholar in UCI's Department of Informatics.
 
ANOTHER REASON TO TAKE SELFIES - THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY
 
Researchers asked a group of college students record their moods, take photos and report their emotional state over the course of four weeks.
 
The project involved three types of photos to help the researchers determine how smiling, reflecting and giving to others might impact users' moods.

美好的一天

7 Morning Mindfulness Practices to Help You Have an Awesome Day - Tiny Buddha
Lori Deschene
1. Mindful check-in
 
I imagine a lot of us hop out of bed and get into the morning without really checking in with ourselves to see how we’re feeling.
 
Check in to see how your body feels—if you’re holding tension anywhere or if any part of your body needs a little extra love, whether that means stretching your legs or giving yourself a hand massage.
 
Check in to see how you feel mentally and emotionally—if you feel anxious about anything that’s coming or you’re holding onto any thoughts or regrets about yesterday and could maybe work through them with a little journaling.
 
And most importantly, ask yourself: What do I need? It might not be the same as what you needed yesterday. You might need to chug some water, or connect with someone you love, or listen to a song that always makes you smile. None of these things takes that long, but they can all make a huge difference.
2. Mindful morning mantra
 
Because I want my son to feel excited about his days, and to know that he’s a valuable human being, I’ve gotten into the habit of telling him, right after he wakes up, “Welcome to the day, the day is lucky to have you!” (I probably sound like the teacher from Peanuts right now, cause, you know, he’s one and a half, but in time he’ll understand!)
 
Recently it occurred to me that I could just easily say this to myself, either looking in the mirror or just in my head when I first open my eyes. So I tell myself this, then take a few deep breaths and let these words marinate in my brain.
 
It’s a much nicer greeting to the morning than a bright screen in my face. And it’s a way to proactively and mindfully nurture what I want to feel: excited, valued, and confident.
3. Mindful shower
 
Our morning shower is a perfect opportunity to engage with our senses, clear our mind, and visualize our worries washing away down the drain. This is why I included a free bonus titled How to Make Your Morning Shower Mindful, Blissful, and Rejuvenating in my new Mindfulness Kit. It’s also why I included a lavender shower gel.
 
Whenever we engage our senses we’re pulled into the present moment, and there’s no sense more powerful than the sense of smell. The part of the brain that processes smells is linked to the part of the brain associated with memory and emotion. Which means the right scent can provide comfort, calm, and healing. And lavender in particular isn’t just relaxing, it’s also scientifically proven to help with anxiety and a number of physical ailments.
 
You might find a different scent appeals to you. You might prefer hot showers, or cold showers, or a combination. What’s important is that you allow yourself to be fully present with the experience—to feel the water cascading down your back, to tune into the sound of the drops hitting the floor, and to give yourself this time to simply be, in this moment of solitude.
4. Intention-setting practice
 
Many of us go into our days with lengthy to-do lists, and it can easily create a sense of overwhelm.
 
I like to set a morning intention based on both something to do and something to be, because this reminds me of what’s truly important, and takes the focus off productivity. And I like to do this while practicing deep breathing and watching the flame dance on my favorite candle (another practice I recommend in my Mindfulness Kit).
 
For example, you could set the intention to do an act of kindness and be gentle with yourself. Then you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment when you complete the act of kindness, and you’ll not only feel good about having done it, you’ll feel good about yourself no matter what else you do, because you’ll be honoring your intention to be gentle with yourself.
5. Mindful breakfast
 
Particularly in the morning, when we have a lot to do, and perhaps get into quickly, it’s easy to scarf down our food without even really tasting it. And it always occurs to me how silly this is. It’s not like savoring our food takes much time. It literally adds seconds to the experience—a few extra minutes at most.
 
In my family we joke that we don’t chew our food, we just kind of gulp it down. So this is where I start. I chew more. I fully taste what I’m eating. I close my eyes as if it’s a super decadent chocolate.
 
Choose to eat without multitasking—no phone or TV on in the background. And give yourself permission to just enjoy eating. Like when you were a kid and finally got an ice cream cone after begging for an hour. You took big, long licks, you let it drip down your hand, maybe you snarled when someone asked if they could try it because you were just that into it.
 
You could also imagine this is the last time you will ever get to eat this particular meal. I find that always mindful eating far easier!
6. Yoga or stretching
 
If I could take an hour-long yoga class every morning, I would, because nothing feels as good for my mind and body as yoga. It’s like a mental cleanse and a really good full body yawn-stretch all at once. (Do you that too—yawn-stretch?) It releases tension both in the mind and body and creates a feeling of lightness all over.
 
If, like me, you don’t have the time for a full class, you could instead do a few energizing poses, while focusing on your breath. Yoga Journal has a great list of recommendations here. Or you could simply stretch in whatever way feels good to you, breathing deeply as you move your body.
7. Gratitude journaling
 
You probably see this suggestion a lot, and for good reason: identifying our blessings boosts our mood, increases our overall life satisfaction, and makes us feel more optimistic. When you find things to appreciate, even when life feels hard or stressful, it’s like shining a spotlight on all the reasons life is worth living and deemphasizing everything that hurts.
 
But you don’t need to put pen to paper to reap the benefits. You could write one thing down and put it in a gratitude jar so you can pull a random blessing out any time you need a pick-me-up. You could share a morning blessing on social media, to connect with other people in the process. Or you could try the email approach I recently adopted with my sister…
 
Though we didn’t keep it going long, for a brief time we emailed each other daily one thing we were grateful for, one thing we were excited about, and one thing we were proud of ourselves for. I found it was a great way to help each other be our best selves and nurture positive emotions.
 

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(週六) 12/5 1.利益他人 好處多 2.新聞時事一篇

 聚會時間 晚上7:30-9:30

板橋區文化路一段421巷11弄1號 (陽光甜味咖啡館)

新埔捷運站1號出口 旁邊7-11巷子進入20公尺 看到夏朵美髮左轉 

 

利益他人 好處多
What are the health benefits of altruism?
mentalhealth.org.uk
 
1. Helping others feels good
 
There is some evidence to suggest that when you help others, it can promote physiological changes in the brain linked with happiness.1
 
Helping others can also improve our support networks and encourage us to be more active.4 This in turn can improve our self-esteem.3
2. It creates a sense of belonging and reduces isolation
 
Volunteering and helping others can also help us feel a sense of belonging, make new friends and connect with our community.3,4 Face-to-face activities such as volunteering at a food bank can help reduce loneliness and isolation.4
3. It helps keep things in perspective
 
Many people don’t realise the impact that a different perspective can have on their outlook on life.
 
Helping others, especially those who are less fortunate than yourself, can help to put things into perspective and make you feel more positive. There is some evidence that being aware of your own acts of kindness, as well as the things you are grateful for, can increase feelings of happiness, optimism, and satisfaction.5,6 Doing good may help you to have a more positive outlook about your own circumstances.
4. It helps make the world a happier place – it’s contagious!
 
Acts of kindness have the potential to make the world a happier place. An act of kindness can improve feelings of confidence, being in control, happiness and optimism.6
 
It may also encourage others to repeat the good deed that they’ve experienced themselves – contributing to a more positive community.7
5. The more you do for others, the more you do for yourself
---
 
10 benefits of helping others
UCL
 
Volunteering your time, money, or energy to help others doesn’t just make the world better—it also makes you better. Studies indicate that the very act of giving back to the community boosts your happiness, health, and sense of well-being.
 
'Do something great' neon sign
 
Here are 10 benefits of lending a hand to those in need.  Remember, before you start any type of volunteering you should check out the advice on safe volunteering during COVID-19 from the Students’ Union.
1. Helping others feels good
 
There is some evidence to suggest that when you help others, it can promote physiological changes in the brain linked with happiness.  This heightened sense of well-being might be the byproduct of being more physically active as a result of volunteering, or because it makes us more socially active.
2. It creates a sense of belonging
 
Helping others can help us to make new friends and connect with our community.  Face-to-face activities such as volunteering at a food bank can also help reduce loneliness and isolation.
3. It gives you a sense of purpose
 
Studies show that volunteering enhances an individual’s overall sense of purpose and identity.  This is because helping others can make you feel rewarded, fulfilled and empowered.
4. Giving helps keep things in perspective
 
Helping others, especially those who are less fortunate than yourself, can help to put things into perspective and make you feel more positive about your own circumstances.
5. It’s contagious
 
One study found that people are more likely to perform feats of generosity after observing another do the same. This effect can ripple throughout the community, inspiring dozens of individuals to make a difference. 
6. Helping others can help you live longer
 
Regular volunteering can improve your ability to manage stress and stave off disease as well as increasing your sense of life satisfaction. This might be because volunteering alleviates loneliness and enhances our social lives.
7. It will give you a sense of renewal
 
Helping others can teach you to help yourself. If you’ve been through a tough experience or just have a case of the blues, the "activism cure" is a great way get back to feeling like yourself.
8. You’ll boost your self-esteem
 
People who volunteer have been found to have higher self-esteem and overall wellbeing. The benefits of volunteering also depend on your consistency. So, the more regularly you volunteer, the more confidence you'll gain.
9. You’ll create stronger friendships
 
When you help others, you give off positive vibes, which can rub off on peers and improve your friendships.  Being a force for good in a friend’s life can help build a lasting bond.
10. You become a glass half-full type person
 
Having a positive impact on someone else could help you change your own outlook and attitude. Experts say that performing acts of kindness boosts your mood and ultimately makes you more optimistic and positive.
 

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