七種 寂寞型態
7 Types of Loneliness, and Why It Matters psychologytoday
One major challenge within happiness is loneliness. The more I’ve learned about happiness, the more I’ve come to believe that loneliness is a common and important obstacle to consider.
To be happy, we need intimate bonds; we need to be able to confide, we need to feel like we belong, we need to be able to get and give support. In fact, strong relationships are key — perhaps the key — to a happy life.
Of course, being alone and being lonely aren’t the same. Loneliness feels draining, distracting, and upsetting; desired solitude feels peaceful, creative, restorative.
It seems to me that there are several types of loneliness. Of course, not everyone experiences loneliness in the situations described — for instance, not everyone wants a romantic partner. But for some people, the lack of certain kinds of relationships brings loneliness.
Once we’ve pinpointed the particular kind of loneliness we’re experiencing, it may be easier to spot ways to address it.
Here are some types I’ve identified. What have I overlooked?
7 Types of Loneliness
1. New-situation loneliness. You’ve moved to a new city where you don’t know anyone, or you’ve started a new job, or you’ve started at a school full of unfamiliar faces. You’re lonely.
2. I’m-different loneliness. You’re in a place that’s not unfamiliar, but you feel different from other people in an important way that makes you feel isolated. Maybe your faith is really important to you, and the people around you don’t share that — or vice versa. Maybe everyone loves doing outdoor activities, but you don’t — or vice versa. It feels hard to connect with others about the things you find important. Or maybe you’re just hit with the loneliness that hits all of us sometimes — the loneliness that’s part of the human condition.
3. No-sweetheart loneliness. Even if you have lots of family and friends, you feel lonely because you don’t have the intimate attachment of a romantic partner. Or maybe you have a partner, but you don’t feel a deep connection to that person.
4. No-animal loneliness. Many people have a deep need to connect with animals. If this describes you, you’re sustained by these relationships in a way that human relationships don’t replace. While I love my dog Barnaby, I don’t feel this myself — but many people feel like something important is missing if they don’t have a dog or cat (or less conveniently, a horse) in their lives.
5. No-time-for-me loneliness. Sometimes you’re surrounded by people who seem friendly enough, but they don’t want to make the jump from friendly to friends. Maybe they’re too busy with their own lives, or they have lots of friends already, so while you’d like a deeper connection, they don’t seem interested. Or maybe your existing friends have entered a new phase that means they no longer have time for the things you all used to do — everyone has started working very long hours, or has started a family, so that your social scene has changed.
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6. Untrustworthy-friends loneliness. Sometimes, you get in a situation where you begin to doubt whether your friends are truly well-intentioned, kind, and helpful. You’re “friends” with people but don’t quite trust them. An important element of friendship is the ability to confide and trust, so if that’s missing, you may feel lonely, even if you have fun with your friends.
7. Quiet-presence loneliness. Sometimes, you may feel lonely because you miss having someone else’s quiet presence. You may have an active social circle at work, or have plenty of friends and family, but you miss having someone to hang out with at home — whether that would mean living with a roommate, a family member, or a sweetheart. Just someone who’s fixing a cup of coffee in the next room, or reading on the sofa.
It’s important to realize why we feel lonely, because only then can we see how we might address it. If you’re no-time-for-me lonely, for instance, maybe a solution would be to work with people on a project, where you’d be doing an endeavor together, on something you’ve all made time for. My mother once noted — and I think it’s very true — it’s easier to make friends when you’re working on a project together.
Loneliness is a major factor in unhappiness, so it’s an important area to tackle if you’re working on making yourself happier.
One of the keys — maybe the key — to happiness is strong connections to other people. The lack of these bonds, even temporarily, is a major happiness stumbling block. Have you found any good ways to understand and deal with loneliness?
有寵物的人 較長壽?
Can Having a Pet Help You Live Longer? verywellhealth
Pets offer love, companionship and even exercise if you’ve got a dog that needs to get outdoors every day. They're family, no doubt about it, but can they actually help extend your life?
The verdict on whether pets can help you live longer is a bit astonishing, even to the researchers who discovered it. University of California, Riverside health researchers Howard Friedman and Leslie Martin analyzed data collected from an 80-year study of 1,500 people. The study, initiated in 1921 by psychologist Lewis Terman, is one of the only long-term studies that follow people from their childhood onward.
About the Findings
Subjects in their 60s were asked detailed questions about how often they played with pets. After fourteen years researchers analyzed mortality data. Results suggest that interacting with pets played no role in the participants’ likelihood of surviving. The results were the same even when Friedman and Martin examined only people who were socially isolated, for whom a close relationship with an animal might be more important.
However, a more recent meta-analysis, published in the journal Circulation in 2019, came to a different conclusion. Looking at data from studies between 1950 and May 2019, they found that dog owners live longer than those without a dog. The benefit was greatest for those who had a history of heart attack and there was a 65% reduced risk of mortality.
The Value of Relationships
Friedman and Martin concluded that being connected to other people in their community did, in fact, enhance the subjects' longevity. These findings seem to conflict with other data about the value of social relationships for people as they age. For example, research published in 1980 found that the one-year survival rate for people discharged from a coronary care unit was greater for those with a pet.
Ground-breaking research in the late 1970s by psychologists Ellen Langer and Judith Rodin found that just having to care for a houseplant kept elderly nursing home residents happier and alive longer. Though that finding was cited as a reason to give residents more control over their environment, it follows that a sense of responsibility and emotional interaction — the same emotions involved for pet owners — might account for the improved longevity.
The Benefits of Animal Companionship
Certainly interacting with animals has been found to improve quality of life. Animal-assisted therapy programs that use pets as mascots or therapy animals are widely implemented in hospitals and nursing homes and have been shown to improve depression and loneliness in the elderly.
In Japan, where concerns about allergic reactions and bites have kept nursing homes from employing live pets, robotic therapy animals have been substituted with much success. In particular, Paro, a robotic seal with artificial fur and a lovable face, has been used in several countries, including Japan, Denmark, Sweden, Italy and the United States. A 2011 paper published in Gerontology describes the improvement in depression scores of residents in nursing homes employing the robotic seal.
People rely on dogs for company, friendship, and affection. Recent data suggests that they may also extend your life. And it is not only dogs. A study published in the Journal of Vascular and Interventional Neurology in 2009 looking at over 4000 people over 20 years found that people who own cats have a decreased risk for death due to heart attack or stroke.
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