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習慣力 影響生活
How your daily habits affect your life
Olga Geidane
I can tell what habits you have from the way your life is: your daily routine affects not only your private life, but also your finances, your social life, your relationships, your work or business, your personal growth... everything. So whether you want to make a tiny shift or take a massive, huge, life-changing step - you should start with your habits!
Look around and at yourself: Why did you dress up that way? How did you brush your teeth today? Why did you take your phone with you and what did you do with it on the way to work/university? Did you read something to grow and improve yourself or just surf thorough Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter?
Every day I work with clients on their lives and I see the same pattern: bad habits = bad results, poor habits = poor results, negative habits = negative results...And people are still wondering why nothing has changed in their lives for ages!!!
If you truly and honestly are fed up with the way things are in your life, here is a step by step guide on how to change everything:
1. Start with writing what your life looks like right now. Don't exaggerate, just write pure facts. Be honest and open. Keep this list. Many years later you will be thankful to this date. In fact, put a date on it!
2. Next, make a list of habits you are aware of and which you know are NOT helping you or are damaging to you. Ask your friends and family, don't be shy or embarrassed, people who love you will be very happy to see you working on yourself! If you are constantly late for work and you know it is a result of waking up late, you should write "I am going to bed too late."
3. Make a new, empowering list of habits by replacing all negatives. "Go to sleep by 10 pm" is a new, positive habit!
4. Prioritize by most important habits and make a plan: hourly, daily, weekly or monthly, depending on the type of habit. It could even be yearly: do my tax assessment by the New Year, not January.
5. Action plan: start working on your new habits. Choose no more than three new habits in a day, but work on it on a regular basis.
6. Create a "punishment" and a "reward". You don't get a chocolate until you do your new action. And if you don't do it - think what would push you? Not watching you favourite TV program? Anything else? That way you will feel rewarded for doing and following your action plan and you will be conscious of consequences for not doing it!
My favourite example is brushing your teeth: parents were teaching us, doing that for us, asking and reminding us and now, being adults, we JUST do it. No-one pays attention to that anymore, it became natural. Make your new, empowering and positive habits as natural as brushing your teeth!
I am sure you are ready to be the owner of your life, to make it the most amazing and fulfilling! Start now, start with a small step and trust me, you will get far!
Olga Geidane
I can tell what habits you have from the way your life is: your daily routine affects not only your private life, but also your finances, your social life, your relationships, your work or business, your personal growth... everything. So whether you want to make a tiny shift or take a massive, huge, life-changing step - you should start with your habits!
Look around and at yourself: Why did you dress up that way? How did you brush your teeth today? Why did you take your phone with you and what did you do with it on the way to work/university? Did you read something to grow and improve yourself or just surf thorough Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter?
Every day I work with clients on their lives and I see the same pattern: bad habits = bad results, poor habits = poor results, negative habits = negative results...And people are still wondering why nothing has changed in their lives for ages!!!
If you truly and honestly are fed up with the way things are in your life, here is a step by step guide on how to change everything:
1. Start with writing what your life looks like right now. Don't exaggerate, just write pure facts. Be honest and open. Keep this list. Many years later you will be thankful to this date. In fact, put a date on it!
2. Next, make a list of habits you are aware of and which you know are NOT helping you or are damaging to you. Ask your friends and family, don't be shy or embarrassed, people who love you will be very happy to see you working on yourself! If you are constantly late for work and you know it is a result of waking up late, you should write "I am going to bed too late."
3. Make a new, empowering list of habits by replacing all negatives. "Go to sleep by 10 pm" is a new, positive habit!
4. Prioritize by most important habits and make a plan: hourly, daily, weekly or monthly, depending on the type of habit. It could even be yearly: do my tax assessment by the New Year, not January.
5. Action plan: start working on your new habits. Choose no more than three new habits in a day, but work on it on a regular basis.
6. Create a "punishment" and a "reward". You don't get a chocolate until you do your new action. And if you don't do it - think what would push you? Not watching you favourite TV program? Anything else? That way you will feel rewarded for doing and following your action plan and you will be conscious of consequences for not doing it!
My favourite example is brushing your teeth: parents were teaching us, doing that for us, asking and reminding us and now, being adults, we JUST do it. No-one pays attention to that anymore, it became natural. Make your new, empowering and positive habits as natural as brushing your teeth!
I am sure you are ready to be the owner of your life, to make it the most amazing and fulfilling! Start now, start with a small step and trust me, you will get far!
愛情的意義
What It Means to Love: 9 Steps to a Strong Relationship - Tiny Buddha
Laura Tong tinybuddha
1. Be there.
Love doesn’t grow and flourish because you dress up or make yourself up. All it needs is for you to show up, to be fully present.
I used to believe soul mates were mythical creatures, as rare as unicorns, and that finding your soul mate was an honest to goodness miracle—one that happened to other people.
Not true.
Someone is ready to love you. They’re out there. And they’re looking for you right now. But you have to show up fully to connect with them.
In the past, I spent a lot of time caught up in my head, paralyzed by my fears and insecurities. When I was focusing all my energy on protecting myself, I wasn’t available to the people around me. You can’t love or be loved when you’re physically there but mentally somewhere else.
I now know that I need to focus more on the person in front of me than my worries, insecurities, and judgments. Love can only unfold when you get out of your head and get into your heart.
“When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Love is a powerful force, but you can’t share it if your heart is closed.
I used to fear the slightest puncture in my protective force field. I worried that if I opened up even a little, it would be the end of me. Somehow staying closed felt like protection. If I let someone in, I couldn’t control what would happen. If I kept everyone out, nothing could go wrong.
But I learned that you don’t need to expose the deepest parts of yourself all at once to be open to love. You just need to let your defenses down long enough to let someone else in.
I started by sharing a little about myself—my opinions, my feelings, and my worries. A little at first, I tested others’ reactions to what I shared. But my confidence grew much more quickly than I expected. And you know, not holding back so hard or pretending turned out to be the biggest relief ever.
“The greatest asset you could own, is an open heart.” ~Nikki Rowe
Being truthful in love goes further than just not telling lies. It takes being the real you, the wonderfully imperfect you.
Pretending to be someone you’re not or disguising how you feel sends a worrying message to the person who loves you. Human beings have an inbuilt alarm when they sense someone isn’t telling them the whole truth.
I had an image of the ‘perfect me,’ and it didn’t include being vulnerable. So I lied about the true me in everything I said and did. I pretended that I didn’t worry, didn’t need help, and that I knew exactly where I was heading in life. Those lies alone alienated some amazingly wonderful and loving people who would have been life-long friends… if I’d let them.
“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” ~James E. Faust
I wasn’t kind in the beginning. I was too insecure to let the little things go. A forgotten request felt like rejection. A different opinion felt like an argument. I was also too insecure to accept that it didn’t mean I was loved less.
For example, one night I’d plucked up the courage to sing in front of a crowd, a small one, but to me it felt like standing on the stage of Carnegie Hall. My significant other muddled the dates and double-booked himself.
I sang that night without his support from the crowd because he felt he couldn’t let down his double booking. At the time that felt like rejection, and I reacted harshly. In truth, the situation simply said “I know you’ll understand that I need to stand by my promise elsewhere; they need me more right now. I’ll be right next to you next time.” (And they were.)
Being kind in love means accepting that people can’t always meet your expectations and giving the other person leeway in how they act and respond. It means looking after the other person’s heart even when you’re disappointed.
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~Dalai Lama
Love needs to be heard to flourish, that’s pretty obvious. But it took me years to figure out that it was as much my responsibility to listen as to talk.
Because love is a conversation, not a monologue.
In the beginning my head was too full of all the things I wanted to explain, my heart too full of all the emotions I wanted to express. And my mouth was too full of all the words I needed heard.
But I found that when I listened, I learned valuable insights into the other person each and every time. I heard their concerns, self-doubts, and their words of love. I was able to help, support, and feel the growing connection we had. They drew huge comfort from having been heard. Listening fully said “I love you” as clearly as the words themselves.
Like the night we left the movies, having watched School of Rock with Jack Black. It was supposed to be a comedy, a fun date. I laughed lots, but the other person had to sit through 106 minutes of their painful personal disappointment over not pursuing their dream career in music. I listened hard. I heard all their regret, their self-reproach.
And I learned a whole relationship’s worth of areas where I could be super-sensitive and supportive in the future.
Because you can’t speak the language of love until you learn to listen first.
“The first duty of love is to listen. ” ~Paul Tillich
Being willing to listen is only half of learning the language of love. The other half is understanding what you hear.
And that means being open to a different perspective, even an opposite view.
At first that sounded like I needed to give up what I believed, to forever bow down on the way I saw things.
Not the case. It meant I needed to learn to see that there could also be an alternative, equally valid viewpoint.
Understanding in love goes beyond being aware and appreciative of the other person’s stance and beliefs. It takes consciously embracing that you’re one of two, and both your perspectives have a place. Love is big enough to handle different opinions and philosophies.
So the other person grew up in a different culture, for example. That works for them and the millions of people brought up the same. There must be something in it. Love means appreciating that.
What It Means to Love: 9 Steps to a Strong Relationship - Tiny Buddha
Laura Tong tinybuddha
1. Be there.
Love doesn’t grow and flourish because you dress up or make yourself up. All it needs is for you to show up, to be fully present.
I used to believe soul mates were mythical creatures, as rare as unicorns, and that finding your soul mate was an honest to goodness miracle—one that happened to other people.
Not true.
Someone is ready to love you. They’re out there. And they’re looking for you right now. But you have to show up fully to connect with them.
In the past, I spent a lot of time caught up in my head, paralyzed by my fears and insecurities. When I was focusing all my energy on protecting myself, I wasn’t available to the people around me. You can’t love or be loved when you’re physically there but mentally somewhere else.
I now know that I need to focus more on the person in front of me than my worries, insecurities, and judgments. Love can only unfold when you get out of your head and get into your heart.
“When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Love is a powerful force, but you can’t share it if your heart is closed.
I used to fear the slightest puncture in my protective force field. I worried that if I opened up even a little, it would be the end of me. Somehow staying closed felt like protection. If I let someone in, I couldn’t control what would happen. If I kept everyone out, nothing could go wrong.
But I learned that you don’t need to expose the deepest parts of yourself all at once to be open to love. You just need to let your defenses down long enough to let someone else in.
I started by sharing a little about myself—my opinions, my feelings, and my worries. A little at first, I tested others’ reactions to what I shared. But my confidence grew much more quickly than I expected. And you know, not holding back so hard or pretending turned out to be the biggest relief ever.
“The greatest asset you could own, is an open heart.” ~Nikki Rowe
Being truthful in love goes further than just not telling lies. It takes being the real you, the wonderfully imperfect you.
Pretending to be someone you’re not or disguising how you feel sends a worrying message to the person who loves you. Human beings have an inbuilt alarm when they sense someone isn’t telling them the whole truth.
I had an image of the ‘perfect me,’ and it didn’t include being vulnerable. So I lied about the true me in everything I said and did. I pretended that I didn’t worry, didn’t need help, and that I knew exactly where I was heading in life. Those lies alone alienated some amazingly wonderful and loving people who would have been life-long friends… if I’d let them.
“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” ~James E. Faust
I wasn’t kind in the beginning. I was too insecure to let the little things go. A forgotten request felt like rejection. A different opinion felt like an argument. I was also too insecure to accept that it didn’t mean I was loved less.
For example, one night I’d plucked up the courage to sing in front of a crowd, a small one, but to me it felt like standing on the stage of Carnegie Hall. My significant other muddled the dates and double-booked himself.
I sang that night without his support from the crowd because he felt he couldn’t let down his double booking. At the time that felt like rejection, and I reacted harshly. In truth, the situation simply said “I know you’ll understand that I need to stand by my promise elsewhere; they need me more right now. I’ll be right next to you next time.” (And they were.)
Being kind in love means accepting that people can’t always meet your expectations and giving the other person leeway in how they act and respond. It means looking after the other person’s heart even when you’re disappointed.
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~Dalai Lama
Love needs to be heard to flourish, that’s pretty obvious. But it took me years to figure out that it was as much my responsibility to listen as to talk.
Because love is a conversation, not a monologue.
In the beginning my head was too full of all the things I wanted to explain, my heart too full of all the emotions I wanted to express. And my mouth was too full of all the words I needed heard.
But I found that when I listened, I learned valuable insights into the other person each and every time. I heard their concerns, self-doubts, and their words of love. I was able to help, support, and feel the growing connection we had. They drew huge comfort from having been heard. Listening fully said “I love you” as clearly as the words themselves.
Like the night we left the movies, having watched School of Rock with Jack Black. It was supposed to be a comedy, a fun date. I laughed lots, but the other person had to sit through 106 minutes of their painful personal disappointment over not pursuing their dream career in music. I listened hard. I heard all their regret, their self-reproach.
And I learned a whole relationship’s worth of areas where I could be super-sensitive and supportive in the future.
Because you can’t speak the language of love until you learn to listen first.
“The first duty of love is to listen. ” ~Paul Tillich
Being willing to listen is only half of learning the language of love. The other half is understanding what you hear.
And that means being open to a different perspective, even an opposite view.
At first that sounded like I needed to give up what I believed, to forever bow down on the way I saw things.
Not the case. It meant I needed to learn to see that there could also be an alternative, equally valid viewpoint.
Understanding in love goes beyond being aware and appreciative of the other person’s stance and beliefs. It takes consciously embracing that you’re one of two, and both your perspectives have a place. Love is big enough to handle different opinions and philosophies.
So the other person grew up in a different culture, for example. That works for them and the millions of people brought up the same. There must be something in it. Love means appreciating that.
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