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EQ 對 難搞的人
Emotional intelligence: for working with difficult people
By Carla Rudder (Editorial Team) | enterprisersproject
We all want to bring our best selves to work, but certain situations – or even people – can make that difficult. When someone constantly challenges your ideas, takes all the credit, or talks behind your back, it can feel like a personal attack. Even when someone works differently than you do – for example, they are introverted and you are not – it can feel hard to communicate and work effectively. In both scenarios, your productivity can suffer if interpersonal issues start to impact your work.
How can you use your emotional Intelligence to rise above the workplace drama and be effective in your role?
“Perhaps the first and most important thing is to recognize that your dislike of another person boils down to the feelings you have towards them,” says Drew Bird, founder of The EQ Development Group. “This is a result of what you know about them as well as your experiences with them at work. Looking at it in this cold, factual way is an important step. After all, they are just a bundle of characteristics and behaviors, just like you.”
[ How does your EQ stack up? Read also: Emotional intelligence test: 5 self-evaluation tools for leaders. ]
5 types of personalities
If you are struggling with interpersonal issues at work, consider, for example, the following office personalities – and how you work with them.
The person who’s out to get you:
“We all too often react to a story we make up about what someone ‘has done to us,’” says Bob Kantor, founder, Kantor Consulting Group. “However, people do things for many different reasons, often having nothing to do with us. We read meaning into their actions or words because of our own issues and background. We then react to that story we create – not to what actually happened.
“I find that the simplest approach to dealing with difficult people and situations is to not take anything personally,” Kantor continues. “Be curious about what is causing someone to say or act the way they are behaving. Seek to truly understand their point of view and their underlying thought process. Use active listening to demonstrate you have heard and understood them.”
The gossip:
Gossips also delight in drawing others into their toxic conversations.
“Gossips and busybodies love to talk about others behind their backs, put them down, and spread harmful rumors,” says Judith Orloff MD, author of Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People, and member of the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. “They also delight in drawing others into their toxic conversations. Start by letting go of your need to be liked, please everyone, or control what they say. Then be direct. Say: ‘Your comments are hurtful. How would you like people talking about you like that?’
“You can also simply change the subject and refuse to participate,” she suggests. “Don’t share intimate information with gossipmongers. And finally, don’t take gossip personally. Realize that gossips aren’t happy or secure. Do what you can to rise to a higher place, and ignore them.”
The introvert:
“The IT world is full of introverts, and many people move into management because they are extroverts,” notes David Egts, self-identifying introvert and chief technologist, North America public sector, Red Hat. “Extroverts understanding how introverts think (and vice versa) is essential to bring out the best in everyone. I highly recommend the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking and its accompanying TED Talk.”
The egomaniac:
“Egomaniacs have an exaggerated sense of entitlement and self-importance, crave attention, and require constant praise,” Orloff says. “Although they can sometimes be quite charming, they nevertheless know how to belittle you and make you serve them. Narcissistic people value control and power, and they lack empathy. Don’t allow your self-worth to hinge on them. Instead, seek out supportive coworkers and colleagues.
“And finally, to get their cooperation, frame your request in ways they can hear, such as showing them how your request will benefit them,” she advises.
The highly opinionated:
“Sometimes the people you don’t like give you feedback. Even if the feedback is negative, the person providing the feedback is giving it because they care, or he or she wouldn’t have said anything in the first place,” Egts points out. “Also, remember that you can’t control the other person – the only thing you can do is control your reaction to the feedback. The book Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well doesn’t spend any time discussing how to give feedback but rather how to receive it (positive and negative) in a constructive way.”
金錢問題
Money Problems halfofus
Sometimes the things that cause us stress or anxiety are related to what’s going on in our heads, and other times it’s about tangible problems in our lives. Worrying about money is a common issue that can cause a huge amount of stress. That stress can spill over into other areas of our lives and impact our work, school and relationships.
When it comes to worries over problems like money, there are two main categories these issues fall into: things we can change and things we can’t change. If we’re running low on money every month, we can take a look at our budget and see if there are compromises we can make to help balance things out. If we’re overwhelmed by credit card debt, we can work on a plan to pay that down and try to use credit more responsibly. An important step in dealing with financial stress is to identify those areas where we can make change.
Sometimes we feel panic about things we can’t do anything about immediately. Maybe we just feel overwhelmed that we’re going to have to start making student loan payments soon. Maybe we feel sad because we can’t afford to do some of the things our friends do. Or maybe we have to work long hours to cover our financial obligations and that workload is stressful. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by anything related to your finances, talking to a counselor can help you manage that stress.
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Here's the No. 1 reason why 56% of Americans lose sleep over money
Anna Hecht cnbc
If money problems are keeping you up at night, you are not alone. A new survey from Bankrate shows that more than half (56%) of U.S. adults lose sleep at night over at least one money-related issue. Of those who are tossing and turning, 18% are doing so because of credit card debt, which is the No. 1 reason people are losing sleep, the survey found.
This isn’t surprising. Money is the second most common source of stress for Americans, according to a 2017 survey from the American Psychological Association (APA). And for both millennials and Gen Z, it’s the most common source of stress overall, according to the APA’s 2018 edition of the survey.
Women, parents, and children under the age of 18 are the most likely to lose sleep over credit card debt, according to the Bankrate report. Survey respondents also said they are more likely to stress over credit card debt than other pressing matters, such as climate change, raising children, educational expenses, and stock market volatility.
The good news? Survey respondents remain optimistic. Almost two-thirds (63%) of those struggling to get a good night’s sleep due to money-related problems believe that things will get better and that they will be able to resolve their biggest issue.
If you stress over credit card debt, there are strategies to help make sure you spend responsibly and pay off your bills on time. Priya Malani, a founding partner at Stash Wealth, recommends thinking about whether you can truly afford the items that you are buying before charging anything to your card.
“Remember, never put something on your credit card that you can’t pay for in full when the statement is due, or else you’re using your credit card to live a lifestyle you can’t afford,” Malani said.
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