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優質好友特質
Essential Qualities of A Good Friend
1. Honest
Among the traits of a best friend, honesty is easily one of the most significant.
Your friends should tactfully tell you the truth, rather than lying to keep you happy in the short term.
For example, they should be straightforward when it comes to discussions about clothes, romance, job opportunities and how you come across to others.
They should never be cruel or abusive. On the other hand, deceitfulness and manipulativeness are tell-tale qualities of a bad friend.
And if you find out that a friend is lying to other people, the chances are fairly high that they are dishonest with you as well.
2. Accepting
Great friends are accepting, even when their lives diverge from your own. They will understand that your choices are your own, and see that what’s right for them isn’t necessarily right for you.
So, for example, they won’t try to make you change how you look, pressure you to do things that make you uncomfortable, or fight with you when you reveal you have a different view about something. It’s fine for them to challenge you and encourage you to say more about your values, but this should always be done in an even-handed way and it shouldn’t be done with the goal of changing who you are.
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3. Non-Judgmental
You need friends who make you feel confident about who you are, not people who induce self-doubt.
Indeed, a non-judgmental approach is also one of the characteristics of a good person more generally. Your friends should listen to you and do their best to put themselves in your shoes, even if means trying to relate to a very different belief system.
Friends who try to convince you that there’s a “right” way to be will often turn out to be bullies, and can make you feel very insecure about your individuality. It’s your uniqueness that will actually attract people who are a good match for you.
4. Loyal
Loyalty is unquestionably one of the most important qualities of a good friend.
You need to know that this person will stick by your side no matter what and that their commitment to you is not fickle.
The very best friends will help you out when you’re struggling, whether it’s with money, love, mental health difficulties or something else entirely.
In contrast, “fair weather friends” are ones who are only there when things are good for you and when you have plenty to give.
This indicates that they’re only interested in what you can do for them and that they don’t value you as much as you deserve.
5. Respectful
Mutual respect is one of the most powerful traits of a good friendship, and a lack of it is a serious warning sign that you’re entering into an abusive dynamic.
There are lots of facets to respect. For example, your friend should keep your secrets, not talk about you behind your back, and value your time.
In addition, they should form opinions about you for themselves rather than listening to gossip. Further, once again, if you’re talking to a friend who is telling you people’s personal business, it’s likely that they’re using your secrets as conservational currency in their chats with other people.
6. Trustworthy
Finally, never underestimate the importance of aspects of friendship that involve trust. Trustworthiness isn’t just about keeping confidences, as discussed above. It’s also about sticking to a certain set of moral principles that relate to the aforementioned traits of honesty and respect. For example, someone who flirts with your partner or tries to undermine you at work isn’t really a friend, and definitely can’t be trusted with anything important.
In contrast, friendships that are built on trust are usually long-lasting and deeply satisfying. Make it a priority to create this kind of relationship with people. Offer trust, and make it obvious that you can be trusted in response.
如何真誠稱讚?
How to Give Sincere Compliments
oprahmag.com
Link your compliment to something you genuinely feel.
To give a compliment that really resonates, Liben suggests a three-step process, which starts by identifying an action or quality that you truly respect or appreciate. "The compliment should be authentic," she says, and connected to values that you personally hold dear or that you know are important to that person.
Then, think about why you appreciate that quality.
The next step is to figure out the reason this quality resonates so strongly with you. So to put the first two steps together, for example, if you're thinking about complimenting a friend about her vacation-planning skills leading up to your girls trip, consider why you appreciate the related actions—did she make the trip fun and stress-free for everyone else, for example? Then, connect the first two steps to deliver the compliment, being as specific as possible. So in the case of the getaway, it might be something like, "You're so fantastic at picking incredible places to eat! I so appreciate that you're in control."
Be authentic and specific, not hyperbolic.
Liben also recommends keeping in mind the "KISS" method for giving compliments: That is, "Keep It Sincere and Specific."
"Hyperbole or gratuitous praise can cheapen the gesture, making it feel empty and disingenuous. An honest compliment, even if it's a small one, carries more weight," she explains.
So, for example, telling your friend that the party she threw was "Literally the best night ever," might come off as less meaningful than something along the lines of, "I love how you had icebreaker games ready to go so we could all get to know each other as soon as we got there! Hosting seems to come so naturally to you and I really appreciate you always introducing me to new people."
Done right, even seemingly superficial compliments can make someone's day.
"Never underestimate the power of a 'your blouse is beautiful' or 'your haircut is fantastic,' to brighten someone's day," says DeAlto. "Yet we can always dig deeper and find an attribute, personality trait or accomplishment to compliment as well."
...but use adjectives.
Liben agrees that "Skin-deep compliments may sometimes feel shallow, but in the right context, they can be empowering and appreciated." She recommends making a simple compliment resonate even more by actually connecting it to a more emotional thought, like instead of saying, "I love your dress!" adding something like, "Your sunny yellow dress is beautiful and seeing it brightened my morning!"
Compliment your favorite traits in your romantic partner.
The formula of specific trait plus emotional connection works for complimenting romantic partners on a deeper level as well, and can even help your relationship. "Identifying and celebrating what you adore about your partner can improve your relationship by increasing mindfulness," says Liben, adding that as a bonus, "the effects of complimenting a romantic partner can also contribute to greater conflict resolution and better communication."
Use compliments as a tool in the workplace.
Regularly complimenting your co-workers or employees can actually boost their performance: Liben points to a link between expressing well-deserved performance-related recognition and improving professional output. To do this as effectively as possible, "the compliment should be genuine and deserved," she says, as well as performance-specific.
"Use context clues to help you formulate an appropriate sentiment. For example, after a coworker gives a powerful presentation, compliment her delivery rather than her outfit," she says.
Don’t be afraid to compliment a stranger!
Whether it's a person on the train or a musician whose performance rocked the house, well-founded (read: not creepy!) compliments are generally appreciated. But for people who are shy, it can be easier said than done. ("What if she thinks I’m weird?" or some version of that may be running through your head.)
"Start by taking the emotional thermometer of the situation by making eye contact with the receiver," advises Liben. "Then proceed with a smile. Be direct and speak in an audible volume that conveys confidence."
Besides likely bringing a smile to the other person's face, Liben adds that "If complimenting a stranger is outside your comfort zone, it can be a real dopamine rush."
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