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需要愛情教練嗎?
Dating coach helps men clear their heads in order to fill their hearts
By Jiang Yuxia Source:Global Times
Some might be born experts in the art of seduction, while others need a bit of help. This is where dating coach Xu Yue comes in handy.
The Beijing native started offering dating advice in New York City two years ago, and since then has seen her career rise. She now coaches men face-to-face or online around the world, with a focus on Beijing and New York.
"I don't think romance can be taught, because it's based on emotions, chemistry and gut feelings. However, mindsets and perspectives can be changed to improve your overall dating experience and thus increase the possibility of romance," said the high-spirited Xu, who moved to the US at eight and is also a dancer and TV host.
With her own coaching website entitled singlefied.com and a series of videos under her pseudonym Miss Singlefied on Youtube, the 31-year-old has established herself as one of a growing number of dating coaches in the US and China.
The profession took off in recent years in light of a more confusing and complicated dating environment caused by rapid social shifts, such as easily accessible technology and the emergence of non-traditional households.
Xu only coaches men and has won trust from over 100 clients, who place their romantic life in her hands.
Xu finds men easier to coach as they are more direct with their feelings and eager to follow her advice.
To be a good dating coach, the two essential qualities are "good, active listening skills and a sociological mindset," said Xu, who has a double major in business and sociology.
"In a conversation, the first five minutes are essential because the person is verbally processing their thoughts, so their words have a lot of meaning in that short period of time," she said. "A sociological mindset means being able to process societal changes and trends pertaining to dating and making them relevant to the client."
"The idea of 'picking up chicks' is so new to them and they're eager to learn," Xu noted.
However, her advice is not about how to pick girls up, but about how to enhance their dating experience and engage in more meaningful relationships.
In spite of the differences, one problem her clients have in common, she has noticed, is going after the wrong women.
Q:
What do you think about Dating coach?
What are the male body language - posture, voice tone & gestures that
Attract the one you like?
How to deal with rejection?
If you like a guy, what to do if she has a boyfriend or he has a girlfriend?
What are the effective conversation topics that work on women/men?
What are the effective conversational skills, abilities; strategies?
How to approach women/men alone?
What are the approaches at dating men/women?
成功的指標—意志力?
Grit: Is It The Key To Success? levo.com
In her poignant TED Talk, Angela Lee Duckworth argues that the key to success is grit—a characteristic she defines as “passion and perseverance for very long-term goals.”
Duckworth’s talk inspired me to think about concrete applications of grit. Below are five ways to have more “grit” in your everyday life.
1. Set long- and short-term goals
Grit is all about working hard to make your long-term goals a reality, but in the push and pull of daily life, it’s hard to keep long-term goals at the forefront of your mind. Set smaller “bite-sized” goals to help move you along towards your longer-term goals, and look at them frequently.
2. Pace yourself
Reaching long-term goals takes time. The best way to pace yourself is to create good habits. This could mean going to bed earlier, making time to disconnect from technology, or even just setting time aside in your schedule to work out. Forcing yourself to practice these habits, even when it’s inconvenient, will build up your self-discipline and sense of autonomy.
3. Don’t be afraid to fail and take risks
These days, everyone is talking about the importance of failure and taking risks. It begs the question: What does this actually look like in real life? Taking risks in your career could mean taking on a project without lots of direction, proposing an innovative disruptive solution, or even just speaking up in a meeting even though everyone vehemently disagrees with your point of view. According to Duckworth, the brain grows in response to challenges, and this growth increases the likelihood of perseverance and success.
4. Apply the lessons you’ve learned
We’re so focused on moving forward that we forget to look back to the lessons we’ve learned. When faced with a problem, take time to look back at the most challenging circumstances in your life and ask yourself, how did I get through that? What skills did I use? Who was there for me in those moments? Who are the people I want to surround myself with? You know more than you think you know, just make sure you give yourself the time and space to reflect or else you’ll end up making the same mistakes over and over again.
5. Make hard, uncomfortable decisions
Grit is sticking to your long-term goals despite all the noise around you. The fact that not everyone in your life will support you in reaching your goals is a harsh reality. If you want to be successful and see your goals come to life, it’s going to mean facing some uncomfortable situations and listening to your gut. Instead of avoiding sticky situations and confrontations, take them head-on. In the words of the great Seth Godin, embrace discomfort because these uncomfortable, challenging situations are the ones that force us to grow the most.
Q:
Grit: Is it the key to success?
How do you get gritty?
How to set long- and short-term goals?
Do you making the same mistakes over and over again? How to change it?
Why taking risks important?
What to do when facing some uncomfortable situations?
Do you listen to your gut when making decisions?
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